Love or in love or maybe both?

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I have always been mystified by romantic love and being in love. I have had a lot of relationships and am currently involved. I feel as though I have been more in love with people who may have been less in love with me and that people who have been more in love with me I have been less in love with. I could also say love in place of in love or say both love and in love. Or maybe I have loved while they were in love and they loved when I was in love. Or it could just be love or in love on both sides but they are uneven. It is also so different when you live separately and when you live together. It seems a lot harder when you live together and I feel like that step has made me miss being single or at least having my own space. When I've been single I would look for a relationship. I'm 38, been married, divorced, engaged, been with men and women and I'm still trying to figure it out. What do you all think?