Life as a slob

United States
June 23, 2017 12:05pm CST
I have never been able to motivate myself to clean. I try. I sit down and start, only to get distracted right up front or lost in where to place things while sorting this area. I look for motivation, in myself and from others. I reason with myself. I offer rewards if I do it, and don't cheat and take the rewards if I don't. But I always end up lying in my bed that night loathing myself and surrounded by mess. It grew worse when we moved. We couldn't afford anything better, and the only place left that would take us was on the outskirts of town. Nice people, but old and falling apart housing. There's always something breaking, or broken, and crime is high despite being within five minutes of walking to the nearest sheriff's office. While we were moving in there was crime tape up a few houses down for a breaking and entering case that ended with stabbing. It was the thief who was stabbed. There's fields just as nearby as the sheriff, and the bugs around here are huge. So are the spiders. I used to fear spiders, and being crawled upon by bugs, but I'm used to them now. There are roaches everywhere. The traps and baits and poisons helped at first, but now the bugs won't touch them. We have no idea what to do. They're everywhere. I don't even flinch anymore to find one. I hardly notice the ants crawling on me anymore. They're in my hair, on my arms, on my neck. They crawl across my stomach, and sometimes it tickles enough that I brush it away, but they return. I lose them all in the mess. My mess isn't as bad as it's been in the past, but the bugs make it a hazard. The spiders make it a hazard. And when I cross them during attempts to clean? They kill my motivation. I don't want to see how bad it is, because nothing I do to end it helps. We even tried home remedies, just out of desperation. I give up. We just kill them as we see them, or ignore everything. We clean, we give up. Mom was always the cleanest of us, and it's so bad even she gives up more often than not. But now they are breaking our appliances, and we cannot call in help while the infestation is so terrible. We are lost. We've lost. We cannot afford the only last resort known to us: professional fumigation. We can't afford even the procedure, let alone keeping ourselves and the dog and cat safely away for the days needed. We can't. We have nothing to put towards it. Nothing left to sell. And recently, we've discovered ticks.
3 people like this
3 responses
• United States
23 Jun 17
This is simply heartbreaking.....could you do some sort of fund raising effort on one of those sites to get money to have the fumigation done? And then start keeping the place clean?
• United States
23 Jun 17
@KiraNoFutago I am sorry to hear of your Grandmothers passing also..all this on top of you..so much cost of everything both physically and mentally. I wish there were some way I could think of to help friend. Welcome.
• United States
23 Jun 17
@KiraNoFutago No it is good to vent here perfect place to do so. Yes unfortunately it is against the guidelines to put pages up like that. I will pray for you to get the funds you need.
• United States
23 Jun 17
@TiarasOceanView I appreciate it. All good vibes and prayers are welcome.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
23 Jun 17
I am so sorry for your situation. That must be hard to live in. =( I hope y'all somehow can get the situation fixed.
• United States
23 Jun 17
Thank you. It raises a kind of apathy, mostly.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (27965)
• Moses Lake, Washington
23 Jun 17
I'm not a great person at cleaning either. I'm more likely to be messing around in the garden than sweeping a floor. I'm sorry you ended up living in such a sad area. Take care. Find something to do that makes you feel good.
• United States
23 Jun 17
Thank you. I've been distracting myself well.