A Man in the Ladies Room

United States
June 25, 2017 3:56am CST
Earlier when I was at the ER, sitting in the waiting area waiting to be discharged, I witnessed a bit of a scuffle between a man who looked to be in his 60s and a hospital security guard. The older man had tried to go into the ladies restroom and the security guard came over and told him to get out. The man became defiant, saying that a law had been passed that gave him the right to go into the women's bathroom if he pleased. I had watched the man come into the ER lobby and he had copped an attitude with the security guard as soon as he came in, so it seemed to me like he was just looking to stir up trouble. There's a lot of people in our area who act like this, usually because they are on drugs or are from the ghetto, and these sorts especially like to hang out at the local ER because it's right in their neighborhood and they go there trying to get pain meds. Anyway. This guy tried to go in the ladies room, the security guard said "nuh-uh," and the guy got all defiant. The security guard stood his ground and made him use the men's room. As far as I could tell, this was not a transgender person -- this was just an old dude from the ghetto who wandered in looking to stir up trouble. He was very manly and if he had sauntered into the ladies bathroom while I was in there, I would have been concerned. I don't mind sharing bathrooms with trans women or even gender neutral people, but I do take issue with males who are obviously presenting as men coming into the ladies room just because they can. I think this is the gray area people worry about, because you will have creeps and weirdos who abuse these nondiscriminatory bathroom policies. But women aren't even supposed to say anything if a man comes into the restroom because we're not to "assume one's gender" -- he might feel like a female but not be presenting as one, after all. (Or he might just be a creep.) I think people should use common sense and use the bathroom that most closely matches their physical appearance. And men who are dressed very "manly" need to stay out of the ladies room, because who knows what their intentions are. When a dirty old man comes wandering into the women's restroom, it can be a cause of fear and anxiety for anyone in there, and also pose a safety risk. We can't read minds, after all, and a defiant bearded fellow with a baseball cap wandering into the ladies room doesn't exactly give off the impression that "I'm just here to pee."
9 people like this
7 responses
• United States
25 Jun 17
I don't use public restrooms at all now. For many reasons. What did they say about your swelling?
2 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 17
They didn't say anything about it, just that there was no blood clot and I should follow up with my primary doctor if my symptoms persist. I do have venous insufficiency, which can cause swelling and leg pain, so it might just be that. They said to drink plenty of fluids.
3 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 17
@Srbageldog Oh yes that could be it...didn't know you had that..but I wondered why you had mentioned the vein doc but now I know.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Jun 17
@TiarasOceanView I'm supposed to have a procedure done in August to close down the bad veins in my legs, which will hopefully cause the random pain and swelling to go away (and hopefully alleviate my paranoia about blood clots some!)
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (182458)
• Switzerland
25 Jun 17
I suppose this was a man and only wanted to start arguments. I agree with you about the use of toilets, use the ones more appropriate to your look. If you look like a man, use the men toilets.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 17
Some people try to start arguments everywhere they go. It seems like common sense to me to use the toilet that is appropriate to your outward appearance, but people nowadays like to act like that is too complicated and offensive.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (182458)
• Switzerland
25 Jun 17
@Srbageldog I cannot understand this attitude, but it's like people love to start arguments.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (104118)
• United States
25 Jun 17
Is it possible he wanted to come to ER, pick a fight, get injured and have to stay, and possibly be able to sue? Or is that too complicated a scenario? I would not want him in a multi stall women's room with me.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 17
Who knows. I think people with a certain "offish" attitude are always looking for a reason to sue! Maybe he figured he could sue on grounds that he was denied access to the ladies room.
1 person likes this
@pgntwo (22753)
• Tripoli, Lebanon
25 Jun 17
I wonder if the reverse has been tried, a woman obviously presenting as female trying to use the gents' toilets/restroom?
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 17
I wonder that too, and what the reaction would be. Either way I think it would make people inside the restroom uncomfortable.
1 person likes this
@pgntwo (22753)
• Tripoli, Lebanon
25 Jun 17
@Srbageldog Either that or it would elicit a wolf-whistle
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 17
@pgntwo Hahaha, maybe men wouldn't mind so much if a woman came into the men's room!
1 person likes this
@mandala100 (52524)
• Hong Kong
25 Jun 17
That's a very erratic behavior on the part of that old man.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 17
I think he was looking for an argument to be honest. He had that attitude when he came in and was being rude.
1 person likes this
@mandala100 (52524)
• Hong Kong
30 Jun 17
@Srbageldog That's really a hard person to be with.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (71221)
• Roseburg, Oregon
26 Jun 17
I would not want a strange man wondering into the ladies room if I was in there.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jun 17
I don't think most women would be comfortable with this.
@Kandae11 (40358)
25 Jun 17
On two occasions I have used an empty male restroom when the female only was full.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 17
I have done the same. I think it's okay under certain circumstances.