July 7, 2017 4:07pm CST
My family relationships are complex in some ways. My parents, brothers, and I get along and can enjoy holidays and birthdays and eat out or go to someone's home. I am closer to my dad's side of the family than my mom's because my mom had a falling out with her family when I was young while my dad has always been close to his family. So there was a gap in the time with my mom's family and it never felt the same and that never happened with my dad's. Things got more complex when I got married and my parents did not approve of that relationship because his mental illness, being on disability, a previous marriage, a daughter who lived with his mom, and whatever they knew of the abuse. They did not go to the wedding and they were not initially happy when I first got pregnant. My dad asked me to have an abortion which I refused to do. Now he is their only grandchild because my brothers have not settled down and still have no desire to. They also struggled to relate to my son in his earlier years because of his autism and they are better with him now that he is verbal. They do not see my son much and my parents blame my ex-husband and my ex-husband blames my parents and I am not sure who is at fault. But my son is closer to his dad's family because they have been more involved in his life and he is very close to his older half sister. When I came out to my parents they had a hard time with it and still do. My mom never really wanted to talk about it and my dad threatened to disown me. I had told him in a public place so he had to be civil then but he called and told me what he really thought a different day after the fact. We had an argument and he called again some days later and he told me he still wanted a relationship so I agreed to that. I forgave him and to this day my parents and I do not talk about that part of my life unless I mention something about my girlfriend or her family and they do not respond to it and will talk about whatever else I said. It is sad that I can never introduce my girlfriend to my parents and that my time with them has to be separate from my partner and home life. What kind of relationships do people have with their families?
5 people like this
• United States
Thats a rough life. But there many who have similar lives as you. Maybe this will be a good way for them to talk about what they are or have gone through too. Im close to my mom, and brother.. and to some on my moms side. Because my "father" abused my mom when i was 2 and my brother was 1. He also raped his daughter and got her pregnant and went to jail. And was in and out of jail for abusing other women. So as a kid, we only had phone calls with him and even then didnt always talk to him. But his sisters and nieces were in our lives a little so wed know our half sister thats younger than us, and our cousins. But once we got to be teens they wanted nothing to do with us. And still dont now that hea out if jail.
• Waltham, Massachusetts
Wow you have been through a lot too. You are right that so many of us have been through similar and bad things. It is a comfort to share and be able to support each other with the bad and the good. Thank you for reading, responding, and sharing.
• Garden Grove, California
I sometimes think that parents never do think that anyone is good enough for their daughters My jhubby was a good mam when we ,met bit he had been in trouble in his teens and landed in prison at fifteen only spent a year release for good behavior He grew up to be an ho nest and wondeful person bit it took forever for my dad to warmup to himn my mom saw what i saw in h im but eventually we became a good family again
I'm sure that your parents are in love with you deep deep inside because you are their own flesh. Even if your way of life does not suit them, you have to find the common denominator because you are a family and in times of trouble you need to support each other. If you live in a relationship and find someone you love and she loves you then they can be happy about it