Coffee Conundrum

@WorDazza (10089)
Manchester, England
July 11, 2017 11:42am CST
There is some new research out that claims that drinking coffee can actually help you to live longer. Supposedly, each cup prolongs your life for approx. 9 minutes. The amount of coffee I drink, especially at work, could mean that instead of my expected 3 score years and 10 I could be looking at living until the ripe old age of 137. I'm not sure this is good news!! As someone who is planning on retiring at 55 I hadn't anticipated I could be looking at 82 years of retirement. Not sure the pension funds will quite stretch to that unless I develop the ability to live on a couple of grand per year. Now I'm not planning on living a lavish lifestyle during retirement but by the time I've paid for slippers, cardigans and incontinence pants I can't see there being a whole lot left over to buy the obligatory pipe! On the bright side there are areas where I'll be able to save money. It's a well known fact that as a man ages his trouser waistband moves further and further up his body. My calculations indicate that by the time I hit 107 my waistband should have moved so far North that my ties will be able to double as a belt and I won't need a shirt at all. Although where the hell you buy trousers with sleeves I really don't know. Perhaps there are special shops. And just one final thing. At what age does a pensioner get out of bed in the morning, open up his wardrobe and think to himself "I've got sod all to do today, except sit around in a curmudgeonly fashion and potter down to the shops for cat food getting in everyone's way in the process. I think I'll wear a smart jacket, a shirt and a tie?" I mean really!! What is that all about?
74 people like this
61 responses
@IreneVincent (16025)
• United States
11 Jul 17
Enjoyed reading this. You have an excellent knack for humor. I did hear that report about coffee. I don't drink much coffee anymore, but maybe I should.
14 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
Thank you very much. The problem I have with drinking more coffee is the side effect of additional bathroom visits so I wouldn't necessarily recommend it.
8 people like this
@ramapo17 (26034)
• Melbourne, Florida
12 Jul 17
@WorDazza That is the exact same way I am. I can drink all the tea I want and nothing ever happens. I love the smell of fresh coffee brewing but will only have some once in a blue moon as long as I am not going out for the day.
4 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
@ramapo17 I love the smell of the ground coffee straight from the pack. I could sit and sniff it all day.
4 people like this
• United States
11 Jul 17
hahaha I love getting in peoples way at the shops fashionably buying cat food omg WorDazza
11 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
Aha!! So it's you is it? Just you wait until the next time I can't get past you because of your random weaving from side to side on the footpath. You won't know what's hit you!!
8 people like this
• United States
11 Jul 17
@WorDazza I will just say.."Hey, I'm walkin here
Robert Zemeckis is having fun with ‘Midnight Cowboy’s (1969) famous “I’m walking here” scene as he’s the director of both ‘Back to the Future part II’ (1989)...
6 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
@TiarasOceanView Love the guy in the wheelchair yelling "I'm walking here".
7 people like this
@GardenGerty (105344)
• United States
11 Jul 17
We are running into the coffee puzzle ourselves. Hubby has Afib. Hospital let him have all the coffee he wanted, but personal physician says he should only have one cup daily. Hubby thinks this is a real problem. He needs more than one cup daily. Then I read about two studies that give the results you are sharing. What's a guy to do? I hope your cat will keep your retired self plenty busy and active.
9 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
There's always conflicting research around caffeine. It's like everything else I suppose. Fine in moderation.
6 people like this
@ramapo17 (26034)
• Melbourne, Florida
13 Jul 17
@GardenGerty Does decaf bother him too?
1 person likes this
@ramapo17 (26034)
• Melbourne, Florida
13 Jul 17
@WorDazza I wonder if the other food that people have during the day affects people the same way if there is caffeine in it.
2 people like this
@JohnRoberts (67098)
• Los Angeles, California
11 Jul 17
If all it took was drinking coffee......I don't believe it.
9 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
I suspect other factors may also influence longevity. I can't believe drinking a few coffees every day will counteract the effects of excessive smoking and drinking.
3 people like this
• Austin, Texas
11 Jul 17
I have noticed more reports about people living to 120+ years. That may or may not be due to their coffee consumption. Not sure. Quite frankly, I think the birth records could be wrong. True story. We never really knew my dad's age. None of us ever saw his birth certificate and he was from another country. He always said he was born at the turn of the century in 1900 and that's how we reckoned his age. If the year was 1968, then my late father was 68 years old. If it was 1972, then he was 72 years old. I honestly don't know what we might learn if we ever dug up the official documents. Same thing with those who are supposedly 120+ years. How do we know their birth records are accurate? Just saying.
7 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
It is a common problem in many countries. There have been a number of cases where football (soccer) players from some African countries have been bought by clubs on the basis they were about 21 years old and extremely talented. The clubs buy them expecting them to reach their physical peak by the age of about 28. After a couple of years these players have drastically declined. It turns out that they were really about 29 or 30 when everyone thought they were 21.
3 people like this
• Austin, Texas
12 Jul 17
@WorDazza - I'd demand my money back!
3 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
@cmoneyspinner Especially the sort of money they pay for these players. Then the millions they throw at them as wages.
3 people like this
• United States
11 Jul 17
@WorDazza It could be different. Now days young people seem to be unwilling to keep their pants pulled up and Pajamas are considered normal in public. As a result you may be better to go to the pajama side of attire! FYI prolonging life is counter productive to addiction so it may be a new way to make people quit drinking it! LOL
7 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
@Berniezeitler Maybe I'll stick to coffee after all. De-caffeinated!!!
4 people like this
@jstory07 (72381)
• Roseburg, Oregon
11 Jul 17
I am glad I do not like coffee. Now I can just live a normal life span.
7 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
I'm sure next week they'll discover something you like will double your lifespan. You can't escape it.
4 people like this
@ramapo17 (26034)
• Melbourne, Florida
13 Jul 17
I am the same as you @jstory07. I never got the kick out of drinking coffee. Once in a blue moon I might have a cup but I have to have the flavored creamers in it.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (21125)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
11 Jul 17
I work at home from my PC. Every day I make sure I put on some comfortable clothes so that I am not in my nightgown all day. I have things to do around the house and I also make sure that I keep busy on and off the PC. My hubby is retired and he is constantly saying he has not time for half of what needs to be done in the house and out in the garden. The idea is to keep healthy and to keep busy and enjoy life.
7 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
If I'm going to live to 137 then the only enjoyment I'll be able to afford is getting in people's way by going to the post office at the busiest times when I could go any time I like.
5 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (75441)
• Canada
11 Jul 17
lol good read and It had me in stitches and it hurts to laugh. I am not much of a coffee drinker these days but I will have to keep that in mind. lol
6 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
I do apologise for any pain I may have caused you. I'll do my best to be serious in future although I make no guarantees.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (75441)
• Canada
13 Jul 17
@WorDazza lol I will just prepare myself for the next one.
2 people like this
@JolietJake (51067)
• United States
12 Jul 17
Retire at 55? I wish. I did re-tire my van a few months back, the old ones were pretty worn. I think I smoke enough to compensate for the coughee, should balance out about right.
5 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
I always thought you were a well-balanced individual. Despite what everyone else on here says!!
4 people like this
@JolietJake (51067)
• United States
12 Jul 17
@WorDazza "As everyone says, I must be off..."
4 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
@JolietJake I can't smell anything!!!
3 people like this
• United States
11 Jul 17
I never am at a loss for things to do, places to go or people to see. Unfortunately for years, I was a one cup per day person. My life is probably going to be on the short side then. Good to not outlive your fun.
5 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
I'll probably have loads of fun being old and curmudgeonly. I doubt I'll ever outlive that
2 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
14 Jul 17
@dragon54u (31635)
• United States
11 Jul 17
Oh my, you made me laugh out loud! I think we'll both live about the same amount of time because I do love my coffee!! Don't worry about all the added years, though. In about 18 months they'll come out with a study that tells us that drinking more than half a cup of coffee a day causes Alzheimer's, heart problems, hair loss, kills libido, or all of the above. They'll probably also say it makes us gain weight. Then two years later they'll find it's the fountain of youth.
5 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
I suppose at least the Alzheimer's will make us forget the hair loss, heart problems and loss of libido.
4 people like this
@dragon54u (31635)
• United States
11 Jul 17
2 people like this
@patgalca (14664)
• Orangeville, Ontario
11 Jul 17
My mother is 92 (93 in October). I don't think she participates much in the events that are going on at her residence. During my recent visit she said she is not ready to die. In the past she has said that she is. She does have dementia. But she is not living much of a life. That concerns me for her and myself. Though I haven't worked in 20 years due to illness and I haven't been living much of a life either. But I am making strides towards doing more. As for the coffee, I think that wouldn't only help if it was just black coffee (no sugar, no cream).
5 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
I think quality of life is more important than longevity. One of the reasons I'm retiring at 55 is to make sure I have a good few years of being fit and active during retirement.
4 people like this
@valmnz (13178)
• New Zealand
12 Jul 17
There are definitely disadvantages to living too long
4 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
Yeah, my wife also thinks there are disadvantages to me living too long!!
3 people like this
@valmnz (13178)
• New Zealand
12 Jul 17
@WorDazza what can I say
2 people like this
@ramapo17 (26034)
• Melbourne, Florida
13 Jul 17
@WorDazza I say the same thing about my husband.
2 people like this
@allen0187 (34433)
• Philippines
12 Jul 17
Comic gold! Read the article abut coffee extending one's life. It is on the internet, it must be true then?
4 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
Absolutely! And the sooner people realize this the better. Facts are overrated anyway.
3 people like this
@allen0187 (34433)
• Philippines
16 Jul 17
@WorDazza as if the coffee industry needs more reasons to sell more coffee to people.
3 people like this
@ramapo17 (26034)
• Melbourne, Florida
16 Jul 17
Everything on the internet is True, right.........
3 people like this
@WriterAI (5277)
• Bulgaria
11 Jul 17
Nice humor.
4 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
Thank you. I do try.
2 people like this
@WriterAI (5277)
• Bulgaria
12 Jul 17
@WorDazza Not at all. You are welcome.
1 person likes this
@Sambriel (654)
12 Jul 17
@WriterAI certainly
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (56050)
• United States
11 Jul 17
HAHA Wordaz..perhaps you can putl your pants over your head, and they can double as a sleeping bag!
4 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
But then I'd have to cut eye holes in them and that really isn't an acceptable look for any number of reasons!!!
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (56050)
• United States
12 Jul 17
@WorDazza oh but of course!
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (13015)
• United States
11 Jul 17
That was so funny. Think I'll quit drinking coffee.
4 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
It's the only way to ensure a shorter life. Well maybe not the only way but possibly the least painful.
3 people like this
@1creekgirl (13015)
• United States
11 Jul 17
2 people like this
@JudyEv (141532)
• Bunbury, Australia
12 Jul 17
And the amount of time you spend jogging prolongs your life by precisely the same amount so where's the point in that? And there is certainly no fun in it! You like that word 'curmudgeon' don't you? It's very hard to say - or at least I find it so.
4 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
Hard to say but easy to be!! Ask anyone who knows me.
3 people like this
@maezee (34503)
• United States
11 Jul 17
Haha. Your post had me laughig. Quite he conundrum indeed
4 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
12 Jul 17
Glad to have given you a laugh. The amount of coffee I drink I'll probably end up as a deranged caffeine addict and spend the last 50 years of my life mugging people for their coffee as they leave Starbucks.
2 people like this