Mixed feelings about tomorrow
By Koalemos
@Asylum (47893)
Manchester, England
July 17, 2017 10:30am CST
Today I visited Christie hospital for an MRI scan. Now I will be returning tomorrow to start my chemotherapy. I have been patiently waiting for this day to arrive, but now find myself with mixed emotions.
On the one hand I am delighted that the treatment is finally starting. My health has declined rapidly over the previous weeks and too many days are becoming difficult to bear. If the treatment was delayed much longer then I would be seriously suffering, whereas now I may have some level of respite.
On the other hand, the list of potential side effects is quite extensive. Apparently some people have virtually no problems at all, while others tend to react extremely badly. My biggest concern is the total lack of knowledge as to how the treatment will affect me. If I knew just what to expect then I would be better equipped to deal with this, but the complete unknown does instil fear into me.
It may be that next week I look back and realise that my concerns were unfounded, but that does not eradicate my current apprehension. It is just over a month since I became aware of how serious my condition was, but chose to approach it with a philosophical view.
So far I have had no problem with accepting the reality of this and have not been even tempted to overreact. Now I suddenly find myself unable to ignore the fear that I am experiencing. Tomorrow I shall make a concerted effort to appear unconcerned because showing how I feel would be very unfair to my brother.
31 people like this
32 responses
@Asylum (47893)
• Manchester, England
17 Jul 17
The only two offline people that know my health condition are my brother and my neighbour, who I feel have a right to know. Beyond that I have kept the fact a secret because it is a subject that most people feel uncomfortable about.
That is where Mylot has been a vast help to me because I have been able to express my feelings, which has really helped.
7 people like this
@silvermist (19702)
• India
17 Jul 17
I agree with the other responses here.Have a heart to heart talk with your brother.You would be surprised.Good luck for the chemo tomorrow.
6 people like this
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
17 Jul 17
I am happy your brother will accompany you.
This will make such a difference to you.
What I found here when attending the sessions with Mother was that the staff were so helpful and educating the patient, that the first time going was never as bad as I had imagined in my mind.
I hope this will be the case for you and the side effects, if you have any at all, are minimal.
I can understand this apprehensive feeling full well.
4 people like this
@Asylum (47893)
• Manchester, England
17 Jul 17
@TiarasOceanView I would certainly welcome such an easy time.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
17 Jul 17
@Asylum Yes of course. I wonder if they are going to give you the immune booster after the treatment. It seems to help with the side effects if any. Its called Neulasta or it may be another name there. The most Mother had with the first treatment was a tiny bit of nausea that was it. Then the rest nothing.
3 people like this
@Marilynda1225 (79592)
• United States
17 Jul 17
I'm sure your brother would expect you to be concerned considering what you are facing. I hope that you are in the category where the treatment doesn't give you any trouble. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow
6 people like this
@andriaperry (116860)
• Anniston, Alabama
17 Jul 17
You will be just fine. I am with a stage 4 lung cancer patient and he has taken 34 rounds of radiation and 6 rounds of chemo, he is in remisson at the moment, today he began immune therapy to help stop the cancer from returning. 7 weeks ago they operated and took out a liver tumor. All of his hair is back!
He has not lost weight and is getting his strength back He began chemo in January.
Expect to be dog tired!
And achy joints and muscles. I used biofreeze on the joints and muscles and it took his pain away, even th pain pills did not work for that.
You will not be hungry at all but make yourself eat, eating and drinking a lot of water helps to flush the chemo through you and out. I did this, Tony did not want to eat but a couple things, if it was just hot dogs , I made them if he wanted just ice cream I got it. The key is to drink the ensure for the vitamins you miss.
If you can get any, blackberry juice calms the stomach, you may or may not have an acidy stomach.
Oh and the hair, just shave it and get it over with, its much easier than cleaning hair up and crying as you brush and its all in the hair brush.
You will be just fine and yes things like this will and does scare the hell out of all of us.
5 people like this
@Asylum (47893)
• Manchester, England
17 Jul 17
@andriaperry A respite from the present pain would be fabulous.
3 people like this
@andriaperry (116860)
• Anniston, Alabama
17 Jul 17
@Asylum That WAS how he felt, now that he is in remisson and then had surgery he is slowly getting more energy. He no longer needs a wheelchair or any assistance walking.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (157485)
• United States
18 Jul 17
Mentally, prepare for the worst possible scenario, then you can be pleasantly surprised.
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (85298)
• United States
17 Jul 17
I'm so sorry you have to experience it. My grandmother actually did very well, while one of my aunts never even lost her hair. I think that is rare, not to lose your hair. But I was really concerned my grandmother would suffer badly, and tiredness was her biggest problem. Which is still a problem, but at her age, I feared worse.
3 people like this
@allknowing (130067)
• India
18 Jul 17
Who wouldn't. It is easy for me to say take it in your stride but that is an uncalled for advice. You are doing a good job of having accepted it which in itself will help you face what you will soon experience. Side effects will be there as you have said not all are severe. Keeping my fingers crossed and you too.
3 people like this
@Freelanzer (10745)
• Canada
17 Jul 17
It is human to feel fear and it is good that you can talk about it. It is the fear e feel that makes us stronger. I am sure you will be find and my thoughts will be with you.
4 people like this
@JamesHxstatic (29237)
• Eugene, Oregon
18 Jul 17
I am certain that you will make a good show of it. I do hope that it helps and does not cause more discomfort.
3 people like this
@Jeanniemaries (8237)
• United States
17 Jul 17
You should handle it in the way you feel best. You know your relationship and it is your wish not to make him uncomfortable by a show of emotion. That being said, you might feel emotionally vulnerable in the moment during the next few months occasionally and it is your brothers privilege to extend a quiet comfort. It will give him great comfort later that he was a tower of strength for you. There will be ups and downs in the coming months and he will treasure the closeness that undoubtedly will increase. At this time, in the early stages you can be the tower of strength for him.
3 people like this
@celticeagle (158692)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jul 17
Knowing what to expect would certainly help. Hope it goes well for you.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (158692)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Jul 17
@Asylum ......Next time you will know.
2 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (48890)
• United States
18 Jul 17
I hope that you are one of the fortunate ones that have no problems.
2 people like this
@renicemae (4883)
• Philippines
18 Jul 17
I will pray for your recovery soon enough.
2 people like this
