Visit to my father's friend which aroused question of joint or nuclear family
@spaceseed (2843)
India
July 18, 2017 11:10pm CST
My father asked me to take him to his friend's home at evening If I have time. I took him on my bike.
This old man is my father's friend for last 37 years, and we have family like relationship with them. this time when we reached there, we saw only two old people at house, he and his wife.
I admire him as man of honour, he had major accident 22 years back, in which his ribbs were fractured, and many more things, his heart is on pacemaker support. though he can walk talk which he does geneously. still go for walk for 2-3 kms daily. and very open hearted.
What about others? I mean his son and family who were part of the family earlier..................then news was broken to us that his son has shifted to some other place as the son's wife did not wanted to stay with elders.
I am not against with this nor with it........but I want to know from you guyz what are your views........... is it right to leave parents when they are in need of support. ( this man is 80 years old and his wife is 78)
My view is, the house is big and families could adjust easily they should have stayed to-gather.
Note: here old age homes are not common in India. and we believe in combined families traditionaly
6 people like this
8 responses
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
19 Jul 17
It is really a pity this your father's friend's son along with his own family decided to stay separately. In old age, parents require their children to look after them and if their children stay away, life becomes difficult for them. Younger generation is losing the sense and meaning of adjustment and they seem least interested to adjust in a joint family. They might face even a worse situations themselves, when their own children grow up.
4 people like this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
19 Jul 17
@spaceseed - I understand your point but your uncle's son cannot take a shelter behind his wife. Apparently, he failed to make his wife understand the necessity and importance of staying with his parents.
1 person likes this
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
19 Jul 17
I know the son as well, he is not like that. yet he had to surrender to her wife's adamant behaviour.
1 person likes this
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
19 Jul 17
here every kind of families prevail. joint family and nuclear families as well. but generally if father and sons are living in same town they are in joint family. or just like neighbours. not going ten killometers away
1 person likes this
@Nawsheen (28644)
• Mauritius
19 Jul 17
@spaceseed But in the above situation since the son used to live with him earlier on it is very bad that he eventually left his. Maybe the father needs his support
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
19 Jul 17
Whatever may be their reasons, can't be accepted for leaving old parents alone at home. I really wonder how their son can do by listening his wife's words. Boys turned to be too selfish? I really don't know, at times I felt they are and they wish to dance at the finger's tip on wife's. Too bad.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
19 Jul 17
@spaceseed Will generation gap helps when they are in the same position. They too will get older in due course of time. How can they forget this fact?
1 person likes this
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
19 Jul 17
actually generation gap is causing this here. old generation still wants to stick to old values and new generation like to live life of their own way
1 person likes this
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
19 Jul 17
@Sreekala I agree with you. even there are fights between husband and wife some times, they always comes with a solution, why dont with parents they apply the same
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
19 Jul 17
Well, that's precisely why me, hubby and daughter lives in my parents-in-law's big house together with their gay sons. They are old, so when they said they need us, we left their small house in the city, to be with them in a 15 minutes ride next town.
Our conscience cannot take it to say no to them. The house after all will be ours and my brother-in-law's, as my husband is the eldest.
3 people like this
@Shavkat (137189)
• Philippines
19 Jul 17
In my country, there is no facility to cater elders. With the exemption of the abandoned elders, the local government usually caters them. In our culture, we tend to take good care of elders. We can't leave them alone in the house if they are too old to take good care of themselves.
1 person likes this
@Shavkat (137189)
• Philippines
20 Jul 17
@spaceseed In my country, some local people prefer to hire stay-in caregivers or nurses.It is quite cheaper and convenient.
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
19 Jul 17
here generally joint family was the social norm, but now time is changing so fast. things which were considered impossible are now happening. earlier (just 20 years back) livin relations weren't found any where but now they are quite common in big cities here as well
1 person likes this
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
19 Jul 17
actually generation gap is causing this here. old generation still wants to stick to old values and new generation like to live life of their own way
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157485)
• United States
24 Jul 17
I had my older sister living with me for over a year, and we did adjust. She had lived with her daughter and granddaughter until there were some problems. I still take her to appointments, etc. When hubby and I moved to a different town she did not want to come here. She is on her own and enjoying it. I do think that in the modern world family is not as important as it used to be.
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
19 Jul 17
My take is if they are willing to stay on their own they should do something which is better for elderly parents, as I said house is really spacious and has two story. they can shift to first flour and separate the kitchen. this way they can stay nearby and yet as they want to live.
1 person likes this
