Figuring It All Out
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (158680)
Boise, Idaho
August 10, 2017 5:29pm CST
My daughter's boyfriend has back issues. He was in the Gulf War(Air Force) and has shrapnel in his back. Always having issues with it.
Yesterday he got back to his apartment from the ER and was really having issues. He is supposed to see his regular doctor in a few days.
So, my daughter has gone over to help him. I feel so alone when everyone is out of the apartment. I feel a lot of anxiety, as if they are gone forever. My grandson is at his dad's and now she is gone too. I depend on my daughter to bring me food and to help me with my bath and things like that.
I used to feel such comfort hearing my grandson on his video games and her moving around downstairs. Now there is just quiet. I guess I took them for granted.
Last night I felt some anxiety about being alone. My diagnosis is severe depression with panic attacks. I don't like to be alone for very long. It means I get inside my head too much which is scary at times. With my medical issues I am unsure on my feet and afraid of falling. I just have to be very careful. Last time the home nurses were here one tried to talk me into a waker but I would have none of it. Now I wonder if that was a good decision.
I am just used to having them here. No noise or movement in the house is weird. I hate this anxiety. Wish I had a friend to invite over. I have gotten control over it but it does come creeping back occasionally. I feel rather pathetic. As if I feel sorry for myself. Is this sort of selfish of me? I am an adult and I do get over it but it so weird to be alone.
17 people like this
21 responses
@GardenGerty (157485)
• United States
10 Aug 17
I can see where you would feel both alone, and trapped. You should have the walker, even if you seldom use it, it would give you security. I know we are not the same as we do not make noise for you in your apartment.
7 people like this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Aug 17
I have the tv on for company. Alone and trapped. What a way to be.
2 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
10 Aug 17
I'm sorry. =( I hope your not alone for too long.
3 people like this
@marguicha (215154)
• Chile
10 Aug 17
If you are ill, that´s what you are and there is no guilt attached to it. Unfortunatly, your daughter has to help her BF too. Let´s hope all comes out fine soon.
3 people like this
@much2say (53907)
• Los Angeles, California
10 Aug 17
How about having some music on, or at least the radio or maybe even the tv . . . at least for some background noise?
I remember when my parents went to another country for 2 weeks when I was still living with them . . . they NEVER left the house for that long, and there was that silence while they were gone - it was a relief when they finally came home.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Aug 17
I have the tv on. It just seems so strange to be all alone. Even the one cat feels it. He was in here earlier meowing to me about it.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Aug 17
@much2say ......Daughter's situation is a whole different thing.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53907)
• Los Angeles, California
12 Aug 17
@celticeagle Well I'm glad you had the cat in your company - that helps too! I know in your other post you mentioned your grandson was home now . . . hope your daughter is doing better today!
1 person likes this
@poehere (15126)
• French Polynesia
11 Aug 17
I don't think you are being selfish at all. It is hard for you to get aruond and your daughter has always been there to help you. Now that you are alone the quiet is not so inviting. When the noise level rises we all wish for quiet. But when that comes it is hard to take too much of it. A little is a good thng, but too much can be hard on anyone.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
@poehere ......That would be fun.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
This is how I see it. Thank you for saying it that way.
1 person likes this
@poehere (15126)
• French Polynesia
11 Aug 17
@celticeagle You are welcome. Come here and we can make some noise to fill the quiet room.
2 people like this
@RubyHawk (99425)
• Atlanta, Georgia
10 Aug 17
It isn't selfish of you. It's your mental and physical health. Do you enjoy listening to music, working puzzles,reading or watching movies? Doing those things might get your mind off yourself. Or keeping a journal? I'm no expert but I would think keeping your mind busy would help. I hope you find something to make you feel better.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Aug 17
I can watch movies without my ear buds in. Oh hey what a thing. I usually keep them on so they don't disturb my grandson and his video games. Can't have that.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Aug 17
@RubyHawk ......I have cable and so I watch a lot of vintage old movies on TCM and AMC. I really enjoy them.
1 person likes this
@RubyHawk (99425)
• Atlanta, Georgia
11 Aug 17
@celticeagle I don't watch many movie but once in awhile I find something I like.
1 person likes this
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
11 Aug 17
Well I'm sorry you are dealing with all that as it is hard for you to cope being alone. I'm sure she will be back in no time and you won't feel the emptiness in the house. I'm not sure what your going thru as i've never been thru this myself I enjoy being alone but sometimes it does get boring and i wish i had someone to talk too and do things with. I hope someday you can cope and be able to do things without the help of your daughter.
1 person likes this
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
13 Aug 17
@celticeagle glad you have your grandson back. I hope he helps you like your daughter does. Has your daughter been back yet?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Aug 17
@Blondie2222 ....No, she called night before last but that's the last we have heard. She needs to be back by the early part of the week to sign this paperwork.
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Aug 17
My grandson came home so that has helped me. I enjoy being alone for awhile but the anxiety comes when my daughter just takes off when she is manic and acting irresponsible. I have learned to depend on her.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Aug 17
see we are so much alike. i feel the same and here lately my daughter works nights but actually i would feel more secure alone with the door locked then with just Clay in the house. he is scary. when daughter is gone no one is here to help me,. i do have a walker but only use it when i feel especially shakey because of the menuervering it around in this room to get out in the hallway.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
@bunnybon7 .....I wish we had a place we could be safe and not have all these worries.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
Yes, we do have so much alike in our lives. Maneuvering around cords on the floor from my room and my grandson that are internet connections. I would be weary of being in the house alone with that Clay person.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Aug 17
@celticeagle i am he has been crazier lately.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
I have the tv on most of the time.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
@velvet53 ......Very good advice. Am trying to do just that.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (22528)
• Palisade, Colorado
11 Aug 17
@celticeagle That is good. Try to stay busy here so that your mind isn't on other stuff.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
11 Aug 17
You are always upstairs right Celtic?
A walker would be no good for the stairs though?
I know exactly what you mean when you say about being alone in the apartment.
I hope your daughter comes home soon.
Do you have a friend you can call or even a hotline that would listen if you want to?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
No friends around here. My BFF went to Oklahoma years ago. Several others live in other towns.Don't come to BOise. I have used the hotline before. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
@TiarasOceanView .....BFF is in Oklahoma. I talked to her last night.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
11 Aug 17
@celticeagle I thought you had a BFF you could call. So sorry Celtic.Hope you are doing okay right now.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
11 Aug 17
There are times I wish I had a few hours to myself, but I rather like having my husband so I can understand how you feel.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
Glad to hear I am not the lone ranger on this feeling.
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
@AbbyGreenhill .....I don't have an alarm system. Need a guard dog.
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
11 Aug 17
@celticeagle What I was afraid of was someone breaking in - and I had an alarm system!
1 person likes this
@sallypup (57717)
• Centralia, Washington
10 Aug 17
I wish someone could come visit with you every so often. Can you open that conversation again about the walker? I know it is weird at my house now that room mate is no longer here. I am for sure not alone due to the fur kids but no humans near me for hours and hours. I hope you can find some peace.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Aug 17
I am trying to keep a handle on it. It just keeps rising up in me. I wish I knew people who lived closed. All the other family and friends all live in other towns or states.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
@sallypup ....No. I don't have medicaid so a lot of things I miss out on.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (57717)
• Centralia, Washington
11 Aug 17
@celticeagle I wonder if somebody at the senior center would have answers. Somebody there could volunteer to come visit with you. You don't get Meals on Wheels?
1 person likes this
@just4him (305430)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
11 Aug 17
I know that feeling. There were times when I still had my house when everybody would be gone and the quiet was so loud. I missed everyone. Now, I don't have depression or anxiety attacks, but I know about the extreme quiet. I hope your daughter will be home soon and I'm sorry about her boyfriend's back. That must be terrible to be in such pain all the time.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
I am feeling as if this is more of a normal feeling I have about being alone. Many who have answered this seem to have some degree of it. His back is always giving him problems. I hope she comes home soon too. She has housing paperwork to sign.
1 person likes this
@just4him (305430)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
11 Aug 17
@celticeagle Since he has shrapnel in his back, he's going to have ongoing trouble. Too bad they weren't able to get it all. I hope she gets it taken care of in time.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
@just4him .......He. Yes, he's gone to surgeons and doctors a like and they can help it for a while with different things but not for long.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
10 Aug 17
Its not selfish.. but i would rethink the walker for when you are home alone. And maybe evrn sometimes when you aren't,
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Aug 17
actually i feel even more alone now if no one is here because my coco is gone also
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
Yes, your dear Coco is not there with you.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Aug 17
I am. My grandson has come home. Now if she will come to get some papers signed for housing I will be happy.
@Tampa_girl7 (48886)
• United States
11 Aug 17
A walker would come in handy for you. Maybe you could still get one.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (79570)
• United States
11 Aug 17
I don't think you're being selfish. I'm used to having a noisy house so when everyone is out it tends to be too quiet. Maybe you should reconsider the walker as it would give you balance.
1 person likes this
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
14 Aug 17
Every body has some problems, this is life.........May you get all what you desire
1 person likes this
