The Look That Strikes Fear in My Heart!

@Corbin5 (81872)
United States
August 14, 2017 12:37pm CST
My sister and I visited our 96-year-old dad yesterday. Dad gives staff a really hard time when they try to give him his medicine. He grumbles, spits out the medicine, and demands they "Stop right now!' Previous to yesterday, Dad would always take his medicine if I kept encouraging him to do so. Whoa! After several verbal encouraging statements from me to get Dad to take his medicine yesterday, Dad gave me that look that scared the daylights out of me when I was a kid. Huge flashback! When my sister saw the look, she went out into the hallway to save herself. What a chicken!!! Our dad was not a nice dad. He had, and still has, a mean streak. As kids, my siblings and I delighted when Dad went out of town on business because we would not have to endure his temper and name-calling. When we saw Dad's car parked in the driveway signaling his return from a business trip, our hearts would sink. Well, Dad, from now on, if you don't take the medicine, it is your choice. You freak me out too much with that hateful look i know so well that you levied upon me yesterday, and I am too old to deal with that kind of behavior. I love my dad, but dang, that man was not a nice guy when it came to his family and his wife, and he certainly hasn't changed. When my dad taught, I bet his students were scared of him too! Photo: Dad teaching.
55 people like this
57 responses
• Jacksonville, Florida
14 Aug
I know the feeling, my dad wasn't nice when I was a kid either. My siblings and I didn't like him and we were literally scared of him. Now he's gotten better since he knows he doesn't have as much control since we live on our own. However, when my family at one point lived with him he was mean again...since it was "his house and his rules".
6 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
Yes, our dad dig get a bit nicer when he retired, but no way would we want to make him angry. We were scared of our dad too. My mom was in the nursing home with dementia, and I asked her if she wanted to go home, and she said, "No, he is there," meaning my dad. Preferring a nursing home over one's own home due to not wanting to live with the person, Dad, still in the home speaks volumes about my dad.
5 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
14 Aug
@Corbin5 That's very sad that she would rather a nursing home. =(
3 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
@Hatley Oh, I am so sorry to hear about this Patsie. Yes, abuse of any kind can destroy a child and it takes time to recover from the abuse. My dad was very hard on my brother who moved to another state and rarely visits and never asks about Dad at all. Cannot blame him.
@andriaperry (33207)
• Anniston, Alabama
14 Aug
I am sorry, I cannot imagine having to live being scared of my dad.
4 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
Yes, my grandmother, my dad's mother, told my mother to protect my brother from our dad, her own son. She actually said, "Keep Allan (my dad) away from Barry (my brother)."
2 people like this
• United States
14 Aug
It's funny how just a "look" can give you flashbacks to a time when dad wasn't so pleasant. I'm with you...you're too old to deal with bad behavior and it's basically up to the staff to see that he takes his medicine (or not)
4 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
Well, at age 96, Dad should have the right to decide even if his decisions are not in his favor.
2 people like this
• Lakewood, Colorado
14 Aug
It must have really struck a nerve with you Deborah because I know you want the best for your Dad.
3 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
Just startled seeing that look that really is a hateful one. We do love Dad, but boy, that guy was not a nice dad at all.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (51043)
• United States
14 Aug
I am so sorry to hear he wasn't a nice dad, and that he still has a mean face that spooks you many years later. I hipe one day before its late he decides to take his meds every day
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
Well, at age 96, I will just let him make his own decisions as to taking medication or not. No use forcing the issue.
@Courtlynn (51043)
• United States
14 Aug
@Corbin5 oh i know, that's why I said i hppe one day before its late he decides to take them.. on his own.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
@Lucky15 (33691)
• Philippines
14 Aug
I am thinking, maybe the same look as our math teacher gave us when i was in high school
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
Yes, many teachers have that look.
1 person likes this
@kepweng (6390)
14 Aug
my father looks is like tiger eyes hes the boss of home just respect
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
Mine was just downright mean more often than not.
@RasmaSandra (13379)
• Riga, Latvia
14 Aug
Well I say grin and bear it. At least you still have your daddy and I have missed mine for ages. Blessings to your dad.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
Sis and I do cater to Dad's every need, and we do love him, but from now on, he can make his own decisions as to how he wants his medical care to proceed.
1 person likes this
@RubyHawk (21393)
• Atlanta, Georgia
15 Aug
I agree with you. It's the staffs job to give him his medicine and if he doesn't want to take it, that's up to him.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
Yes, staff are trained in this, and my sister and I are not.
1 person likes this
@RubyHawk (21393)
• Atlanta, Georgia
16 Aug
@Corbin5 True, but I'm sorry you and your sister were hurt by the attitude.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
16 Aug
@RubyHawk My brother suffered the most. He moved to another state and rarely sees or inquires about Dad. You reap what you sow.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (59691)
• United States
14 Aug
I'm so sorry you feared your dad your entire life, even though you love him. At least you still have him around, mean streak and all. I had a teacher like that, and being frightened is no way to learn. My dad was strict, but very loving, and of course, I was his little angel. I miss him terribly and my mother, too.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
14 Aug
My dad's mother, our grandmother, told my mother to keep her son away from my brother whenever possible. Dad was so very hard on him. And, my brother rarely visits Dad. You reap what you sow.
2 people like this
@DianneN (59691)
• United States
14 Aug
@Corbin5 Imagine that! It boggles the mind. Your dad probably couldn't change his personality if he wanted to. At least you and your sister are there for him despite his demeanor and anger issues. Giant hugs to you for doing what you do. There are those that don't even talk to their parents, let alone love them for better or worse. That, I truly can't understand or accept.
1 person likes this
@Paige32 (1674)
17 Aug
@Corbin5 This is quite sad. I hope your brother was able to get over this and didn't develop any emotional scars as a result of this.
2 people like this
@resukill22 (4059)
15 Aug
I feel sorry for that, all you need to do is always talk to him about how important is to take a medicine, like my mother in law his so strick and sometimes in a bad mode so she always don't want to take a medicine, so I tell her if you don't want to take your medicine you will never saw ur grandson , because he loves her grandson to much ,so now she always the one who look for her medicine to drink
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
You worked out the medicine-taking for your mother-in-law very well. Yes, all I can do is talk to him about the benefits of taking the medicine and then the rest is up to him.
1 person likes this
15 Aug
@Corbin5 thank you! Just continue what are you doing, I cheer you up
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
1 person likes this
@allknowing (55810)
• India
15 Aug
Blood is thicker than water and you and your sister have proved it beyond words caring for him despite what memories you have of him.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
Yes, we cared for our mother, a rather temperamental woman, for many years, and now Dad. Those two fought all the time, but both had fiery tempers.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (55810)
• India
16 Aug
@Corbin5 Reading through your activities here I notice you have not inherited those traits from your parents.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
16 Aug
@allknowing Neither did my brother or sister. Apparently, our parents taught us how not to live life.
@sueznewz2 (9381)
• Alicante, Spain
18 Aug
ssooo sad and sorry... about your remembrances.... it's hard being around people like that...
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
18 Aug
Well, Mom and Dad were both narcissists and they had epic battles on a regular basis. Both parents taught us what not to be like as humans, them.
1 person likes this
@sueznewz2 (9381)
• Alicante, Spain
18 Aug
@Corbin5 you've done a good job on yourselves inspite of your begginings...
1 person likes this
@PatZAnthony (11813)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
17 Aug
We have learned (the hard way) that the pleasant and loving people who were the happy and fun types, stay that way as they age. Those who were cranky and not nice to others seem to stay cranky and rude! Not really anything you (or anyone) can do about it now.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
17 Aug
Yes, temper is a habit. It can be controlled, but many choose not to. It was the derogatory names he called my brother, sister, and me that did the most damage. Even though Dad was talented and successful, he must have had low self-esteem.
1 person likes this
@PatZAnthony (11813)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
18 Aug
@Corbin5 People have many issues and it seems some really do choose not to change their habits. It is really sad. He is really blessed to have family around after all you went through.
2 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (21654)
• United States
16 Aug
Oh Deborah this brings tears to my eyes. Isn't it amazing that we can have love for family members that have a mean streak. I have someone in my family like this too. Your father is truly blessed that you love him and have stuck by him in spite of his behavior. Hugs to you and your sis
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
16 Aug
Thank you, my friend. My dad's mother, our grandmother, told my mother to keep my brother away from her son, our dad, whenever she could. My brother got the worst of it. He lives in another state and rarely visits Dad or asks about how he is doing. I cannot blame him. My sister swears Dad has had P.T.S.D. since WWII ended. She may be right.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (21654)
• United States
17 Aug
@Corbin5 she might be onto something. I think most individuals like this have some kind of underlying condition that causes the horrid behavior.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
15 Aug
he sounds quite a formidable character here and in your other posts - he is lucky you are taying loyal to him in his needs now
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
Yes, my sister has often asked, "Why are we doing this for him?" But, we do.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
15 Aug
@Corbin5 because you are good decent loving people
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (13843)
• Fairfield, Texas
15 Aug
That's why we're sisters @Corbin5 . All dad had to do was 'give you that look' and you knew the poop was gonna hit the fan.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
Yes, sister of mine, that is another reason why we were meant to be sisters.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (13843)
• Fairfield, Texas
17 Aug
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
15 Aug
I feel for you because you want to reach him at least from the way you write it you do.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
Well, we do love Dad, and we will just continue to do so, and merely forget about the past.
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
15 Aug
@Corbin5 I know you love your Dad like I said its the way it comes across.
1 person likes this
@just4him (92290)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
15 Aug
This is the first time I've read how mean your father was. As for the look, my mother was the one with the look that made me tremble, and according to my kids, I have it too.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
Oh yes, I think that look can be very scary for kids. Yes, Dad was, and still is, a big time narcissist and those folks are not the nicest people in this world.
1 person likes this
@just4him (92290)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
15 Aug
@Corbin5 That's a shame.
1 person likes this
@vsai2008 (7610)
• India
15 Aug
I am sorry you had to relive those experiences
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
15 Aug
Well, Sis and I are always prepared for the "former dad" to appear.
1 person likes this
@vsai2008 (7610)
• India
15 Aug
@Corbin5 That is not nice to hear at all, I hope you never get to relive those experiences
1 person likes this