Casual Celebration of Life for My Mother

Photo taken by author; all rights reserved
Laguna Woods, California
September 7, 2017 8:51pm CST
My mother did not want a serious funeral or memorial service after she died. Instead, she wanted a casual gathering of family and friends, which is what my sister arranged in her large home in Missouri. There were about 50 - 60 people there. In the photo above, you can see the minister standing and dressed casually. My 89 year-old father is sitting on the love seat, wearing a black t-shirt. The other people are all long-time friends and relatives. The celebration began with my brother standing on the second-floor balcony overlooking the family room, singing "You've Got a Friend" and playing the guitar. The minister read a few passages from the Bible. Then, he talked about grief. He mentioned how my mother was suffering at the end of her life and how people might have conflicting emotions about her death. We might feel relief that her suffering is over, then guilt because we feel relief. He told us to accept our feelings. No feelings are wrong. I loved what he said. Then, he asked us all to share funny stories about my mom. My Dad described how he was changing the oil in one of our cars when he was a young man and mom offered to carry away the old oil. However, she only walked a few steps when she slipped, fell and dumped the oil all over herself! My Dad then told another story about how Mom accidentally sprayed paint all over her face, when she was trying to paint our mailbox and pointed the can in the wrong direction. My Dad had everyone laughing, which was wonderful. After my father was finished, other people joined in and shared happy or funny stories about my mother. Afterwards, we had a barbecue. Some of the children swam in my sister's pool. Most of the adults chatted with each other and caught up. It had been decades since I had seen some of my cousins and childhood friends. I had never met some of their spouses. It was wonderful to chat with everyone in person ... and not just on Facebook! It was a very nice celebration of life and the perfect tribute to my mother who, at times, was a little bit like Lucille Ball!
16 people like this
14 responses
@rebelann (110771)
• El Paso, Texas
8 Sep 17
I'm glad she had such a wonderful "wake" ..... I think that would be the kind of tribute most appropriate for anyone. A happy ending to a happy life.
2 people like this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@rebelann - Yes, it was a happy ending to my mothers's life.
1 person likes this
@rebelann (110771)
• El Paso, Texas
8 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane I know it hurts to lose her but now she can be your guardian angel.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@rebelann - I like thinking of people as my guardian angels.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99420)
• Canada
8 Sep 17
Sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate your mom's life.
2 people like this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@Happy2BeMe - Thank you. It was lovely.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Sep 17
So very lovely Deborah Diane. This is precious. RIP your beloved Mother. I really think this gathering and sharing stories is so special and better than serious. Hope your Dad is doing fine. Again, so sorry for your loss my friend.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@TiarasOceanView - It was a very special service. My Dad is doing OK. I think it has been a big change for him, but my sister has been keeping him very busy.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane And I also hope you are doing okay Deobrah.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@TiarasOceanView - Thank you so much. It seems strange that she is gone, but I'm doing OK.
1 person likes this
@marlina (154183)
• Canada
19 Sep 17
A beautiful way to celebrate your Mom!
1 person likes this
@marlina (154183)
• Canada
20 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane Your Mom sure would have enjoyed that special day.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
19 Sep 17
@marlina - Thanks! If my mom had been alive, I think she would have enjoyed the day, herself. It was perfect.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
20 Sep 17
@marlina - Yes, I think she would have appreciated the good times and the funny stories people shared about her.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (118224)
• Gainesville, Florida
9 Sep 17
Aww, that was beautiful! Thanks for sharing, it really touched my heart! Sounds like it was the perfect way to celebrate your mom's life.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (118224)
• Gainesville, Florida
10 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane We're just playing the waiting game right now. It won't hit south Florida until tomorrow, and then it won't make its way up to me until Monday.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
10 Sep 17
@moffittjc - It looks like it could hit Casey Key, where my husband grew up, pretty hard. We're following the news carefully.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
9 Sep 17
@moffittjc - I am glad you liked the way the celebration of life was handled. It was actually very uplifting. I hope you and your loved ones are safe in Florida right now. The situation is very scary!!!!
1 person likes this
@just4him (303373)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
12 Sep 17
That's a wonderful way to celebrate your mother's life.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
13 Sep 17
@just4him - Me, too. I want people to truly celebrate my life and the good memories they have ... not dwell on the sadness at the end of my life.
1 person likes this
@just4him (303373)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
14 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane True, I don't want that either.
1 person likes this
@just4him (303373)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
13 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane The one for your mother is in line with what I want for mine.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45671)
• Philippines
10 Sep 17
everyone will remember it as a fun party.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane when i read about the oil and paint, my first thought was it must be hard to wash off!
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
11 Sep 17
Yes, it was a very nice event in memory of my mother.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
12 Sep 17
@hereandthere - Ha ha! Yes, I'm sure it must have been hard for my mother to get off! LOL
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (48855)
• United States
8 Sep 17
What a beautiful way to celebrate your moms life
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (48855)
• United States
8 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane I would prefer something like this for myself
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@Tampa_girl7 - I always thought I wanted something in church, but after my mother's service, I think I may change my mind.
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@Tampa_girl7 - It was very beautiful. I loved the way it turned out.
1 person likes this
@amnabas (13743)
• Karachi, Pakistan
8 Sep 17
Great gesture shown by celebrating and remembering your mother.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@amnabas - It was a lovely way to celebrate my mother's life.
@DaddyEvil (137251)
• United States
8 Sep 17
I am glad the celebration of life for your mother went so well, DD! (The pastor sounds like a very good one! He chose just the right things to say to help anyone in your family with how they were feeling!) I'm glad your dad was able to remember some of the funny things that had happened with your mom, too! (Often that is not easy for the grieving spouse!) Had you been coming to Missouri for any other reason I would have suggested meeting at a restaurant somewhere. I would love to meet you in person.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137251)
• United States
9 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane You're welcome... and please do!
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@DaddyEvil - Thanks for the suggestion. I'll let you know if I get back there again anytime soon.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (57307)
• Centralia, Washington
8 Sep 17
My condolences to you and yours. I love seeing a minister who doesn't look stuffy and formal. Lovely photo.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@sallypup - I agree that ministers who are casual are much more approachable. It was perfect for my mother.
1 person likes this
• Eugene, Oregon
18 Sep 17
That was a great way to celebrate her life and I'm sure she would have been pleased with all the memories.
1 person likes this
• Eugene, Oregon
19 Sep 17
@DeborahDiane No doubt she was.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
18 Sep 17
@JamesHxstatic - Yes, I think that hearing this stories again would have made my mother laugh at herself. Maybe she was there in spirit and laughing at the stories we told!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (323744)
• Rockingham, Australia
8 Sep 17
That sounds the ideal way to commemorate a life. I'm sure your mother would have approved.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@JudyEv - Yes, this celebration of life is exactly what my mother told the minister she wanted.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67002)
• United States
8 Sep 17
Sounds like a great way to remember someone.
1 person likes this
• Laguna Woods, California
8 Sep 17
@Courtlynn - It was a very nice way to remember my mother.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67002)
• United States
8 Sep 17
1 person likes this