Family Dynamics

@poehere (15981)
French Polynesia
September 13, 2017 8:27pm CST
A few years back I was in California attending to my father’s affairs because he had died. A neighbor I knew from living next door to him was talking with me. I told him about all the mess and problems my mother was causing me at the time. He said to me “Family Dynamics”. I had a good laugh about this. Sine this time it has stuck with me. Every time there is an issue with a family member I just look at them and say family dynamics and walk away. Recently my mom is on her rampage again accusing me of this and that. She goes through these mental stages in her life. That is actually the only way I can logically explain them. When I am happy and ignore her she has to try and disrupt my life completely. The other day I received 10 emails, 30 calls on Skype, and 21 calls on Facetime. I knew she wasn’t sick and dying because my younger brother would have told me. Every family has issues and problems. There is nothing perfect. Even when you think your world is perfect, there is always someone to come around and disrupt it for you. Do you have people like this in your life? How do you handle this?
22 people like this
26 responses
@rebelann (28275)
• El Paso, Texas
14 Sep
I have a sibling like that but I have decided that I would not call or visit and now I am feeling so much happier. It is sad but sometimes we need to simply walk away from family.
3 people like this
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
You are so right. I jsut walked away and I don't ever want to go back. Life is so much happier this way.
3 people like this
@responsiveme (12683)
• India
14 Sep
As you say there is family dynamics in every family. After a point there is just so much I can take and ignore the rest.The problem is it took me a very long time to learn this
3 people like this
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
I learned how to do this when I was really young. I ignored her most of the time. At 13 I was sent to live with my uncle so ignoring her was even easier for me.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (57540)
• Roseburg, Oregon
14 Sep
I try to ignore those people but sometimes it is very hard.
2 people like this
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
I do ignore her and she doesn't take the hint on this one. She keeps going in hope that she will get a reaction out of me. Hasn't worked so far.
• Nairobi, Kenya
14 Sep
Family dynamics. We also have such in my home but we complain and say sorry to each other. When times are good, someone would disrupt it. Like now my brother was found cheating in exams and so my mother has to go to school or he will be expelled for good and might miss his final high-school exams. Now my parents are stressed
1 person likes this
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
Yes all families have issues and at times they are easy to overcome but stressful. Hope it all works out for your brother and your parents can fix this problem.
1 person likes this
• Nairobi, Kenya
14 Sep
@poehere I hope so too and thank you :) I also think your mother might be doing all that because she wants your attention :)
1 person likes this
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
@mildredtabitha She is a drama queen and I am sure she has enough attention from the ones she is around now. She threw her family away and chose her friends over all of us. Now let her be with them I don't need to give her any of my attention.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (152529)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Sep
I guess In different as I have no pne;like that in m y flife or elseIm juist very lucky
1 person likes this
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
You are really lucky and I wished I didn't have her in my life.
@just4him (82173)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
14 Sep
Woe, that's a lot of attempts at disrupting your life. Yes, family dynamics does play a big role in how we interact with family members. I handle it by keeping my mouth shut and not causing any more trouble.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
15 Sep
Oh I wish I could do this. I speak up for myself and I tell her how I feel. However, now I hit no answer or I delete her messages. I don't care to be bothered by her anymore.
2 people like this
@just4him (82173)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
16 Sep
@poehere I tried that once upon a time. Nobody listened, or pretended they didn't hear me. So I just keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. It's better that way.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
16 Sep
@just4him In some families this is best to just be seen and not heard. I always had a big mouth and spoke up for myself. Even when I was very young. I guess I got this from my dad.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (15001)
• Palisade, Colorado
14 Sep
Wow! She does put you through a lot. When things like this happen to me I either ignore them or tell them to look in the mirror and clean up their own back yard.
@velvet53 (15001)
• Palisade, Colorado
14 Sep
@poehere I don't blame you for the way that you feel towards her. It is a shame that she is that way towards all of you. She is the one who will have the regrets in the end.
1 person likes this
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
15 Sep
@velvet53 She already does and that is what this last outburst was basically about.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (15001)
• Palisade, Colorado
15 Sep
@poehere Maybe she will wake up and smell the roses before it is to late.
@LadyDuck (109442)
• Switzerland
14 Sep
I ignore as much as I can, but when it's your Mom it's not always possible.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
15 Sep
I know that but I do ignore her and it is not even possible to have a conversation with her anymore. So it is best if I just don't talk with her and let her live her life and I live mine.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (109442)
• Switzerland
15 Sep
@poehere I avoid to talk with her, she loves so much more my brother, she can call him if she needs something.
@LadyDuck (109442)
• Switzerland
15 Sep
@poehere My brother is like my Mom, I am like my father was, very different mold.
14 Sep
May be try to avoid them
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
That is exactaly what I do.
1 person likes this
14 Sep
@poehere life is a mathematical problems Mean simply say life is a problem we have to solve this by hoock by crook whatever the situation is When we die there will be no problem alive . But we can't die it's a worng way to solve problems So have stay healthy and solve the problems it's our life
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
@Whitehouse201 That's a good way of looking at it. All my life is wonderful and no problems to solve. It is her own doing and so for me there is nothing to solve there either.
1 person likes this
• Guangdong, China
14 Sep
It is hard to handdle this. Cause it is your mom, you couldn't escape from her when she needs help. My grandma sometimes shouts out in a high tone while getting angry. All of our family members hardly bear it. But we have to try to stop her and comfor her. However, I think we still need to get peace in life even though it is mom disruptting your life. Well, things of course are different from other persons. If others disrupt your life, just stay away from them.
• Guangdong, China
14 Sep
@poehere Like I said before, we should believe that there are always some unsuitable or incapable of being parents. Be stronger, you could extricate from her.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
@Behindtheguitarbar My grandma always told me she should never should of had kids she was way too selfish and didn't know how to love. I think it is true.
• Guangdong, China
14 Sep
@poehere Anyway, wish things will turn out better for you.
1 person likes this
@SonjaRae (5699)
• United States
14 Sep
You call it family dynamics and I referred to it as our families dysfunction
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
I think it is basically the same. I know I come from a dysfunctional family and I was happy to leave it when I was 13.
1 person likes this
@SonjaRae (5699)
• United States
14 Sep
@poehere oh goodness sweetheart you left home at a very early age!!
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
@SonjaRae It was her idea to send me away. I guess that is why there is no loss of love in my heart for her. I know she is my mom but she never really acted like one.
1 person likes this
• Otis Orchards, Washington
14 Sep
Some adults throw a temper tantrum when they feel ignored.
• Otis Orchards, Washington
16 Sep
@poehere Sometimes there is nothing you can do about problems people bring on themselves except ignore them no matter what your relationship is with them.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
16 Sep
@RichardMeister You are so right.
1 person likes this
• Otis Orchards, Washington
16 Sep
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (18778)
• India
14 Sep
You are very much right, some one will be there to disturb the peace of mind. It is difficult to tackle such situations. It is easy to say our 'mind' is the culprit to make us 'down'.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
Yes, family dynamics is a hard place to be in. Especially with a mother like the one I have. I just have to cut all ties with her and finally block her on all my accounts. I will never have any peace and quiet unless I do this one now. Shame it had to come to this.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (18778)
• India
15 Sep
@poehere I am sorry to know about this. I am a person who always told people to respect and care his/her mother well. However, I do understand some mothers annoying their children too.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
15 Sep
@Sreekala My mom is the worst. I tried for my grandma and each time I was disappointed or slapped down again. Now it is too late and it is sad it had to be this way. No choice now.
1 person likes this
@Platespinner (16822)
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
14 Sep
There are definitely advantages to not knowing who my parents are, or whether or not I have any relatives. The simple life is, well, simple.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
15 Sep
This is so wonderful. When my mom made me go live with my uncle I old everyone I was adopted and then cast away. That was how I felt.
1 person likes this
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
19 Sep
@poehere That must have been a horrible feeling. So sorry you had to deal with that.
1 person likes this
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
20 Sep
1 person likes this
@Yadah04 (2786)
• Philippines
14 Sep
I guess my Uncle's wife is much like your mom. She is so fond of calling us in the middle of the night asking us to take her to the hospital when in fact she just can't breath because of colds. I mean, we have taken her to the hospital most of the time only to be told by the doctors that there is nothing to worry. Sometimes we just want to ignore her, but then we would be very guilty if in case she is in already in a real emergency. So in the end, we usually give in to her request -- half-hearted.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
Too bad you don't have a service there to do this and you can't call them to pick her up and take her there.
1 person likes this
@Yadah04 (2786)
• Philippines
14 Sep
@poehere yeah too bad. So even if we are in the middle of a hearty meal, or in a deep sleep, when she rings, here is nothing much choice left for us but to take her to the hospital. What is irritating though is that it is becoming to be her habit. Ugh, i just so agree with this family dynamics thing. I might even mention that to my husband when she vents out his stress towards her.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
14 Sep
@Yadah04 Hope it helps. I have to just cut ties with my mom and move on. i am tired of this yo-yo game she plays with me. It has gone on too long and it is time to stop all this mess. Maybe you need to find her another person to call.
@kobesbuddy (7018)
• East Tawas, Michigan
15 Sep
Yes, my sister tries to stir up trouble, if there isn't anything negative going on. She even invents problems, to be upset about!
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
15 Sep
Oh no this sounds so much like my younger sister and my mom. It is funny how some members in your family can really cause so much trouble.
1 person likes this
• East Tawas, Michigan
15 Sep
@poehere Then, they deny doing anything wrong!
@1creekgirl (7141)
• United States
18 Sep
I'm sorry about your mom. Some people don't know how not to cause a lot of problems. My relatives and I aren't close, but my husband, kids and grandkids all get along pretty well. We have our moments like all families, though. There was always a lot of drama in my husband's family, but most of them are gone now and we live a thousand miles away.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
19 Sep
This is so good to hear. I live so far from my mom it is easy to ignore her and block her. I have to do this otherwise I will go crazy with all her drama and lies she tells me all the time.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (22113)
14 Sep
It is much harder when the person causing you grief is a close family member. Let us hope that your mother has a change of heart soon.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
15 Sep
I wish and I wish and I wish again but it will never happen. She is evil through and through. This is sad to say and I know she is my mom but when she threw me out or basically made me leave at 13 to go and live with my uncle it was pure evil. She claimed it was for me to go to school to learn English.
@LeaPea2417 (12803)
• Toccoa, Georgia
14 Sep
I ignore it and walk away.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
15 Sep
That is what I do with my mom. I can take any more of her drama in my life. I\ve had enough.
1 person likes this
@kprofgames (3021)
• United States
14 Sep
It's hard to self protect yourself from family. Family is where you are supposed to be the most secure, but there are all kinds of nuts that fall from the same tree. I think a person has to come to terms with people are who they are and accepting that makes it easier to ignore the behavior. I read through your other responses/comments here and if less or no contact with her gives you peace of mind then do it. It sounds a little too late on her part to try and mend any fences here. She has to deal with her life just as you have to live yours. I am sure she will never understand and play the victim here but how does that really effect you? If it doesn't, then why play into the drama she wants to live in. Accept her for what she is and delete/block and just be happy you are a more productive person than she could ever hope to be. If you have other family that try and drag you back to the drama, set your boundries with them too.
@poehere (15981)
• French Polynesia
15 Sep
She is not a person to make peace with. When my dad was alive I did try more than once with only the same results. Now my dad is gone she basically told us that she wants nothing more to do with us. she has told my brother more than once she never wants to talk with me again. So be it. I am done trying with her. she has gone too far this time to ever turn back or forgive he for what she has done.