Keeping an open house ?

@kiran8 (14251)
Mangalore, India
September 14, 2017 3:31am CST
In India the tradition has been to keep an open house at all times so that relatives and friends can freely visit each other at their convenience and since most households in the olden days had the joint family system , there were plenty of people around and plenty of food too. There are some villages and small towns where this system is still practiced. It is also true that some people don't want to change with times. They don't realise that in today's scenario where both the couple work, it is not possible to be available all the time . Last week I had a very annoying experience with one of my relatives . At 11 am he called me .. 'Where are you ? I am waiting at your doorstep ? I asked ' Have you come home? He replied ..Of course ! Anyway, I was at the bank and left in a hurry without finishing my work because he had come from anther smaller town. When I reached home he simply nodded his head without a smile . Later, he asked me quite rudely I felt .. ' I thought you work part time so where did you go now ? I thought it was better not to tell him anything knowing his mentality. I had to cook more rice and dhal and we had lunch while he spoke about his own family etc ...As he was leaving I politely requested him to call me before he leaves his home , the next time he plans to visit us. He sarcastically told me that I had changed with all the new ideas seeping into the society. I Said yes I have changed and again told him firmly to call me at least a day or two before planning to visit me which he did not take well, but that is his problem. Not all relatives are the same, some of them are so very nice and accommodating but many others fall into this category.. I guess it takes time to change ones mindset , but in the meantime we go through these highly annoying situations...
8 people like this
14 responses
@nomus24g (14780)
• India
14 Sep
at times its best to ignore what others say....
2 people like this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
Very true, but it becomes difficult when close relatives are involved ...
1 person likes this
@nomus24g (14780)
• India
14 Sep
@kiran8 its jut that dont react
14 Sep
When I moved to Pakistan, I had a cultural shock. I saw this open house system which we don't have in Cyprus, and they expected a European to also have all the time in the world to treat them with their unexpected visits. I didn't even have a "worker" as they call them to clean and cook for me like they do there. Not to mention that I was busy in my son's speech therapy and homeschooling my children. So I understand your frustration perfectly. My in laws would come from the village which is at least 4 hours drive, and sometimes will not even notify us until they rang the entrance bell! Now my husband is trying to bring them to Europe with us, I want to see the look on their faces on how things work here. Because some of them looked at me like I am a crazy person.
2 people like this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
Yes I can understand your plight especially when you have to take care of everything. It is an added burden to have guests who turn up without notice..But the best thing about Indians and people from the Indian subcontinent is that they adjust pretty quickly . One of our friends was telling me that even if he is thrown into Alaska he will find something to do there...
1 person likes this
@Nawsheen (22905)
• Mauritius
14 Sep
Unfortunately not everyone can understand. Things have changed. Life is hectic nowadays.
2 people like this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
Absolutely ! For some people living in villages time has stood still or they like to think that way..
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (98814)
• United States
14 Sep
My friend is from there and many of the customs she hates. Like the family sleeping in one room.She does not like that when her family comes they sleep in the living room. Her mom will get in her bed after the husband goes to work. I think that is gross. But that is just me.
2 people like this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
Customs and traditions are different and many a times economic conditions drive people to behave in such a manner. Along with some customs that definitey need to be changed , there are many more that are very positive.
@alberello75 (11134)
• Genova, Italy
14 Sep
Opening the house and sharing the goods is the fundamental principle of every Religion. I, being Italian, I am Baptized as a Christian Catholic. However I love the Hindu Religion. Can I ask you what is your religion?
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
I am a Hindu and we are taught to treat guests with respect and care. I would be happy to share what I have within limits. In fact I have house guests all the time but it can come in the way of your own plans and activities. I have had to change or postpone my own plans for the weekend to simply accommodate someone . It is nice to have guests once in a while but not all the time ..
1 person likes this
@alberello75 (11134)
• Genova, Italy
14 Sep
@kiran8 India, a wonderful land. Sacred Temples Everywhere. I would be very happy to be able to travel there, at least once in my life! I'm sure you agree, aren't you?
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
@alberello75 I agree we have a very rich culture and heritage and beautiful hill stations , beaches and desert cities ...
1 person likes this
• Germany
14 Sep
I`m so speechless about things like that because in my family in the Philippines most of them are really helping each other in times of hardship eventhough they also having some financial difficulty as long as they can share a little with their siblings..They will wholeheartedly do their best to help you but of course they are not perfect, They will still questions you and tells you to please! try to handle your life soon, some they will recommend you to get a job
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
Even here there is a very close bond and people go all out to help within the family circle. The relative I was referring too would go all out to make me feel welcome if I were to visit him without calling him before hand because his life circumstances are different. He has his parents living with him, his wife is at home and they have a cook and maids ...He expects others do the same !
1 person likes this
• Germany
14 Sep
@kiran8 ..That`s hard because not all of us can reach others good lifestyle
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
@m_audrey6788 Yes that's where understanding comes in
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (18823)
• India
14 Sep
Best thing .. ignore them . don't he understand , it's not village and we should be cautious.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
15 Sep
Sadly they not only don't understand but feel insulted when they find the door locked..
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (18823)
• India
15 Sep
@kiran8 hah . that's really so sad..
1 person likes this
• Nairobi, Kenya
14 Sep
We always close our door :) He really should call earlier so you can prepare for a visitor
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
Yes I feel he got the message this time and will be careful next time
1 person likes this
• Nairobi, Kenya
14 Sep
@kiran8 That is nice to know. What if it was a woman in his place?
@shaynas (5570)
• India
14 Sep
You did the right thing . It's his problem that he doesn't realize the need of the hour.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
True, I have come many such instances where people dont seem to give a thought , even in other matters. They take things for granted !
1 person likes this
@shaynas (5570)
• India
14 Sep
@kiran8 Yes. very true. they don't realise theat they are wasting other's time or resources.
1 person likes this
• Guangdong, China
14 Sep
That was a much annoying condition. All of our relatives or friends will call us before they do the visits. They show their politeness to us. It both comforts them and us.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
That is really nice, hope some of ours learn to be as polite and understanding !
• Guangdong, China
15 Sep
@kiran8 yes, they should behave themselves and not bring others troubles.
19 Sep
Lol, what a story
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
20 Sep
Glad you find it entertaining
1 person likes this
@kepweng (2382)
15 Sep
im afraid to open my house mostly at night beacuse of intruders but its okay if that your tradition
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
15 Sep
One can understand when it is an emergency but to make it a practice does become a nuisance at times especially when your work and routine suffers .
@sol_cee (12229)
• Japan
15 Sep
The same thing is practiced in my country, at least from my own experience. Relatives come and go and we're supposed to halt our life for them. I find it troublesome yet my mom would always say to put myself on their shoe. Wouldn't I want to feel special too? Well.. ;)
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
15 Sep
While your mom is being too nice , it is only fair that people make it a practice to call up before visiting. I think this is part of Eastern culture which might have been ok during the earlier days ..
@jstory07 (57540)
• Roseburg, Oregon
14 Sep
The polite thing to do is to call you if he is coming to visit.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (14251)
• Mangalore, India
14 Sep
Yes that would be the most sensible thing to do,..