Don't Give up on Love... or Life
By patgalca
@patgalca (18177)
Orangeville, Ontario
September 21, 2017 3:46pm CST
I am involved in a small group of people from the internet. It is a very closed, tight network of friends. The special message board we use has a voice chat (video chat is supposedly coming soon). We also have a monthly meeting on Skype.
One evening I was chatting with two young ladies (21 and 17 years of age). The 17 year old said out of the blue, "I think I am going to be a lonely cat lady". Apparently she had a recent break-up. She said she thought all the boxes were checked but she guessed one was a deal-breaker. The 21 year-old also indicated what seemed to be giving up on ever finding love. (I also believe there was a guy around the same age listening in but not commenting).
I am 54 years old and have been marred twice, which is kind of irrelevant (the marriage part not the age). I felt I was able to impart some words of wisdom to them. You've probably heard these words; I probably got them from Oprah or something like that. "All relationships prepare you for the one real relationship."
The person who started our group is a 29 year old guy who lives with his girlfriend. They are a wonderful couple. I asked the girls how old he was went he met HER. They both admitted that he was about 27.
I had to explain to these two young ladies that there is a lot of life ahead of them. They will be meeting new people every day. For crying out loud, they are both still in school. It was so disheartening to hear them sound so defeated about love. I, at 54, have a reason to feel defeated about love. 
I told them how when I was a teenager I swore that if I were not in a relationship by the time I was 25 I would have invitro fertilization because I really wanted to be a mother. I actually married my first husband at the age of 25.... for the wrong reasons, one being to become that mother before the age of 30. As it turned out, we had difficulty conceiving (thank God) and I actually didn't become a mother until I was 30 AFTER the end of that first marriage a year earlier.
I have since admitted to all members on the message board in response to the question "What mistake do you keep making over and over again?" that I kept marrying for the wrong reasons. Hopefully this told that young lady that having "all the boxes checked" is not necessarily a reason to marry.
There are times when I don't feel I belong in this group because I am old enough to be everyone's mother, except one in her 30's. But it was this moment in time that made me realize my reason for being there. My age and life experience have proven that I have something to offer these young people.
Love can come early in life, it can come later in life, it can come more than once in a lifetime. Giving up on love, or ANYTHING, at the age of 17, is negative thinking.
I told them how when I was a teenager I swore that if I were not in a relationship by the time I was 25 I would have invitro fertilization because I really wanted to be a mother. I actually married my first husband at the age of 25.... for the wrong reasons, one being to become that mother before the age of 30. As it turned out, we had difficulty conceiving (thank God) and I actually didn't become a mother until I was 30 AFTER the end of that first marriage a year earlier.
I have since admitted to all members on the message board in response to the question "What mistake do you keep making over and over again?" that I kept marrying for the wrong reasons. Hopefully this told that young lady that having "all the boxes checked" is not necessarily a reason to marry.
There are times when I don't feel I belong in this group because I am old enough to be everyone's mother, except one in her 30's. But it was this moment in time that made me realize my reason for being there. My age and life experience have proven that I have something to offer these young people.
Love can come early in life, it can come later in life, it can come more than once in a lifetime. Giving up on love, or ANYTHING, at the age of 17, is negative thinking.8 people like this
9 responses
@BelleStarr (61047)
• United States
26 Sep 17
The goal is just to find your soul mate and that can happen at any age, you just need to be patient and not settle for less.
1 person likes this
@William21001 (2637)
• Havre De Grace, Maryland
21 Sep 17
I am 41 no good at relationships or love I just think this is foreign stuff to me. I am just not build for it.
@William21001 (2637)
• Havre De Grace, Maryland
21 Sep 17
@patgalca Thanks been down to many roads for the happly ever after stuff but thanks
@Belligerentkj (145)
• United States
22 Sep 17
I find that the sad fact about the topic is that we have all of the knowledge in the world at or fingertips and none of the wisdom to use it. This is where our youth is suffering the most; from the lack of guidance by people that have their best interest at heart. I'm not going to go down a long and cumbersome path with this topic about the root causes of the lack of moral and ethical teachings in the home, or the lack of discipline. (Not in the context of physical) I will say that reason for such beliefs by our youth, not to exclude any other age group from this bandwagon, is because they are not taught how to control their emotions.
"There are many obstacles in life's path and even more reasons to doubt yourself. It is human nature to dwell on the negative points of life more than the positive. The reason being that we tend to be dumbed down by or circumstances letting or fears run over our better judgement. We know right from wrong yet we still do most of the wrong things. Fear is a powerful adversary that works with the Ego. Combined they have no limits as to how far down in life that they can take you if you let them." JRB
" How this is relevant to a relationship is by the mentality that you will take on not just at the beginning but also throughout the duration of its life span. There must be both physical and mental attraction to stimulate the brain's endorphin s. Thus, flooding the mind with dreams and their desires. It is through those desires that a purpose is formed on how to obtain the object of your desire. Making you happy because it gives you new meaning to your life. Although the most important part of life is often overlooked in this time. That is why when you do achieve your goal of your desire it's not as spectacular as you would have hoped it to be. Because material goods of this world can never take the place of love. The real joy in life is the journey that got you to where you are. They are your memories and people that you met along the way to achieving your goals that matter. The most trivial things in life are what brings the most joy to us. Most of all it's the people that we share our lives with that fulfill our lives with true happiness. Something so simple as a friend bringing you chicken soup when your sick can overcome the feeling of misery and help heal any wounds both physically and mentally. It is when we share laughter with another person that we connect and start to build a bond. Laughter really is the best remedy." JRB
As this topic has so many different branches, it is and always will be a Philosopher's Burundian.I as many others have often wondered what were here for. Often pondering the five W's (must not forget the H); although the answers only lead me to more questions. I've made it a point to tear life as we know it apart and piece it back together with the help of others. It's not a matter of finishing the puzzle in my life time; It's so that I know that I've found a purpose that is worth sharing with people that are willing to share their live's. Not to change the world, or protest anything, but to search for the truth after the facts.
" TRUTH, n. An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time." The Devil's Dictionary
@Behindtheguitarbar (2831)
• Guangdong, China
22 Sep 17
thanks for your kindly sharing. It makes me think a lot about love and life. We surely couldn't give up love or life when meeting with the wrong guys.
@Kind4321 (826)
• Nairobi, Kenya
22 Sep 17
I was almost giving up to but i read so many encouraging stuff and i joined a single ladies platform where people build each other up,encourage each other and enjoy singleness.
That is when i realized singleness is not a disease but a gift.It is a time to rediscover oneself,work on some of your weaknesses,learn from what went wrong,travel,be spontaneous.I have learnt to enjoy my single hood,work on myself and be the ONE my future husband is looking for.
Thank you for realizing that God put you in that group for a reason.I hope you impact the lives of all those young girls who are loosing hope.
@Deepizzaguy (94446)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
21 Sep 17
Never give up on your dreams. "Quitters never win." -Mike Ditka
