When is it finally time to take a step forward?
October 1, 2017 12:27am CST
I have a close friend—a strong friend—who is involved in a very toxic, long-term relationship, and she is hanging on for dear life because she wants to be brave and tough it out. Recently, with tears in her eyes, she told me, “Giving up is not an option,” which so many of us agree with. And I understand the sentiment. But when holding on to something continuously hurts our health and happiness, we have to look closely at why we're choosing to stay where we are. Life is a balancing act of holding on and letting go, of staying put and moving on. We strive to make the right choices, but how do we know when it is truly time to move forward with our lives?
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You put it very well, "life is a balancing act of holding on and letting go..." very well said. If it is toxic ...she must leave. In general, toxic relationships multiply toxicity. How? The toxic partner troubles the non toxic partner. The non toxic partner is asked to ignore somethings, by his or her mind, or the society. In the process, the person "adjusts" developing anger within. The toxic partner feels he or she can get away with that, so magnifies it to get sadistic pleasure, soon the adjusting partner starts feeling that initial abuse was nothing in comparison. Over a period, unwittingly, the adjusting partner would become abusive to somebody else in small or big way, out of irritation and frustration and confusion. So I am of the opinion, either fight back hold your ground and tell the toxic person behave or there will be serious consequences, or walk out and restart your life as fresh page. Both are equally good.
I could never stay in a toxic relationship and I would move on pretty easily. Maybe I'm selfish for putting myself first above all else. I believe that if I don't love myself more then I am not capable of loving another. So I value myself more than other people.
• Manila, Philippines
You are not selfish. I think you are just realistic. I know someone who usually say: "The Bible says "love your neighbor as yourself", not more than yourself, therefore, I can't love anyone more than I love myself, I will be breaking Biblical principles" Though this statement sound a bit amusing, I totally agree with that. Though I also usually try to understand people who are willing to be tough and fight for their relationships, no matter what (something I can't do though)