1,000 Discussions - Do Not Judge Find Kind Words

@andriaperry (43492)
United States
October 4, 2017 12:32pm CST
I am proud to say this is my 1,000th. discussion, Yay! And I am writing what is on my mind, the judging and rudeness of what I just read made me feel so bad for this woman. First I want to say I am not perfect and I don`t know anyone that is or ever will be. I read a discussion about this woman wanting another baby and she was " jumped." There is a way to say things and not be so mean.... this was to the point of being bullied by many people. Yes she tells us about her life and how things are not perfect, she is telling the truth about working the system, she hides nothing. And I have yet to see a family without a drug or drinking problem this day and time. Whther past or present. Well, let me tell you now that SO many people are doing the exact thing as this young lady does and hides it. For instance : Working under the table (having a job but not reporting it to the food stamp office or other agencies). Buying things instead of food or paying rent, I have seen people do this my whole life it is nothing new. I was totally floored to see a comment from one that actually had her child removed because of abuse, telling someone else they should not have more children.... C`mon! Mrs. Abbey is right in why she quit this site, its not so much fun here anymore, especially after reading this young ladies discussion and being attacked in the comments. I think people should apologize to her. But this is just my opinion. Picture is mine - Harley dog.
20 people like this
22 responses
• United States
4 Oct
Reading your discussion here, this is what comes to mind for me Judge not, lest ye be judged and people in glass houses should not throw stones. Amen.
7 people like this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
4 Oct
I know many people that should not have had children but they do, but I do not say anything mean to them because God blessed them with those children for some reason.
6 people like this
• United States
4 Oct
@andriaperry Oh yes indeed...we think the same about that Andria..I feel the same way when I see it..it is not for us to decide. Also congrats on your many discussions Andria
3 people like this
• United States
5 Oct
Unfortunately you will find many who cast that stone without thinking. Sad lives they must have.
1 person likes this
@Platespinner (16791)
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
4 Oct
Being honest and stating one's opinion it is not necessarily judging--it's speaking to the situation at hand. I've made some unwise choices in my life, but I've been talked out of a LOT of unwise decisions by people who cared enough to say some hard words that made me stop and think about what I was choosing to do. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but that does not mean there isn't a time to point out the potential pitfalls in the choices another person is making. I'm thankful I have had people in my life who cared enough to tell me things that I didn't want to hear at the time.
4 people like this
@UncleJoe (9284)
• Virginia Beach, Virginia
4 Oct
I have too @Platespinner Unfortunately, when I didn't listen I usually paid a high price for it.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
4 Oct
A private message would have been awesome from you, why you? you have children and you are a calm and sensible person.
1 person likes this
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
5 Oct
@andriaperry The person in question listed reasons for the decision she was making, I merely pointed out that those were not necessarily good reasons to base that particular decision on. People earn money here based on the interaction their posts receive, if I'm going to respond to a post I do so in the comments section, that is how this site works, is it not?
1 person likes this
@Jackalyn (6616)
• Oxford, England
4 Oct
I was really upset that she was attacked like this because whoever you are we only know a part of the story and many people don't know how quite how to Express things in a way that doesn't come across as worse than it is. It is so appalling that people don't have the common sense to realise that there is a vulnerable person on the other end of the comments. I don't think my husband and I had a penny to her name when we had our children and we managed and had a second child it wasn't perfect but we are still glad we had a children and they have grown up to be amazing people.
2 people like this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
4 Oct
There is never a perfect time, the time is when God gives them to us.
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
4 Oct
@UncleJoe Counseling her in private would have been proper.
1 person likes this
@Jackalyn (6616)
• Oxford, England
5 Oct
@andriaperry I think that's the problem that everyone is saying things in public that really should be said in private. There are times to speak out but times when you really do have to use some Wisdom and common sense and realise that people can be very vulnerable.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
4 Oct
Congrats on your 1000th discussion! Thank God we haven't had those addictions, but I do know many that have. There's always a good and bad way of responding or saying things-even when you feel strongly about something. I think people care so much about children and their future's that they sometimes get more heated than they thought they would. On her first discussion I was maybe more harsh than I should have been as well, I just think every parent should know that having a child in a troublesome marriage won't make it better, it will complicate things further. I always want the best for every child-even though I do realize I can't change the world, but I sure try!
2 people like this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
I was very shocked by your comments, usually you are calm and will talk to people with problems privately as a friend.
• Jacksonville, Florida
5 Oct
@andriaperry I didn't bash her, curse at her or say anything wrong at all. I said she might want to work on her marriage first-which I would absolutely tell any one of my friends.
3 people like this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
@LovingMyBabies You were not as bad as some, but when I went back to that discussion ALL the bad comments were gone, whether she deleted them or th person who wrote them.
@Srbageldog (7652)
• United States
5 Oct
If people living unstable lives never had kids, then many people I know would not have been born. Myself included. I grew up hearing from "well-meaning" relatives how I and my siblings should not have been born because of my parents' situation. Even as an adult, people still say it. And that is a crappy feeling. When I was studying Early Childhood Education in college, we learned how important it is to provide SUPPORT to parents in these situations. Not judgement. Even if you feel a certain way about it, it is possible to keep those thoughts to yourself and be as supportive as you can, because people leading harder lives need all the support they can get. Reproduction is a basic human right. No one has the right to decide who should and should not have kids. Just my two cents. Congrats on hitting 1,000 posts, by the way.
2 people like this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Thank you! I know some people who were doing well and had children, sent them right to the poor house!
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Oct
@andriaperry I have heard people say that it is almost better to be poor when you have your children, because they you qualify for assistance. If you don't qualify for assistance it's a bigger financial hardship. I don't have children (for various reasons, though not being able to afford them was one) but I have seen a lot of families struggle financially. But most manage to make it work.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (10250)
• United States
5 Oct
Well first congrats on the 1,000 discussions. As for the person I don't know anything about it, so not sure what I would say. I do have to say thou that she had to have known what way the discussion might go.
2 people like this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Thank you. I am not so sure about that, she was sad that people were like they were.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (10250)
• United States
5 Oct
@andriaperry I took it as she has posted about things not being good and things like that. If so and then you post that you want another baby while things are bad as in you cant support yourself and such, well I would think people would say things. Just my thoughts. Sometimes it is better not to post things. Then again people could just scroll on by and ignore it all.
2 people like this
@nangayo (2341)
• Nairobi, Kenya
5 Oct
I believe when she said everything about herself here she needed help. When you open up and pour out your problems you need friends to support you and that is why she poured them here. She really needed advice but not in a harsh way. I can feel the pain and am actually sorry for her. If we who are friends here hurt her feelings we are very sorry.
2 people like this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
That is how I felt, she wanted help not chewed out.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct
Congratulations on your landmark. As for the discussion mentioned, I have not seen it or read it, however if a person divulges their personal life and personal indiscretions, they should be prepared for a little backlash. The ensuing backlash should not be abusive or full of recriminations no matter what the person may be feeling. There are a couple of things to consider when addressing this type of post, one would be how much of the post is fabrication, yes people do tend to lie and embellish on line, and is the poster really talking about themselves, and again yes people do tell a story about others relating it to themselves.
2 people like this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Thank you. Yes I agree but she has been here a long time and everyone knows her.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (115606)
• Bunbury, Australia
5 Oct
I haven't seen the post you mention but there should be no need for rudeness. People can be very quick to jump in and tear people to pieces. Congratulations on reaching 1,000 posts. I'm at 999 so my next one will be 1,000. I think that's how it works!
2 people like this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Well we are very close in ... do we talk a lot?
@sharon6345 (115177)
• United States
4 Oct
I don't think someone being honest is being rude. I would want people to offer me the best advice they could. I come here to vent my problems as others. But anyone with a good head on their shoulder knows if you can't afford to feed the child you already have. There is no good way to bring another child in the world. that mouth will be in need of food and that is not right. I am all for not hurting another person I would sure not want anyone to hurt me. But we all know right from wrong and to wear blinders is not going to help anyone. children don't ask to be born and accidents happen. But to go out and do it on purpose knowing the family structure is unbalanced is cruel. Not an honest comment.
2 people like this
@1hopefulman (24797)
• Canada
5 Oct
That is quite an accomplishments! Congratulations! I don't know about the story you are referring to. Expressing an opinion without offending is the right thing to do but we all fail at times and we hope that others will be forgiving when we fail.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Thank you. I do know what you are talking about, All is forgiven.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (24797)
• Canada
5 Oct
@andriaperry Thank you!
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (39897)
• Colorado Springs, Colorado
5 Oct
"Perfect mommies" telling others how to raise kids always amuses me.
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (39897)
• Colorado Springs, Colorado
5 Oct
@andriaperry - I'll bet he did.
@fishtiger58 (30383)
• Momence, Illinois
5 Oct
I hate seeing mean things, that's why I like mylot so much. But I know there is meanness everywhere we go and many times it's hard to avoid. I don't know who you are talking about but I hope the people here do apologize to her and just quit all the meanness.
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (17089)
• Canada
5 Oct
Didn't see the post but it does not sound too friendly. This happens from time to time on the site I suppose. Congrats on getting to 1000 posts.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@hostessman (8489)
• Tucson, Arizona
5 Oct
i really agree with what you just wrote,,, very good very true
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Thank you for your kindness Bobby
@lovebuglena (5030)
• Staten Island, New York
5 Oct
Congrats on this achievement. I did not come across this discussion you talk about. What is the title of it?
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Thank you. Most of the rude comments are gone now, she may have reported them or deleted them herself.
@kepweng (9300)
5 Oct
congratulations keep on going i love to read your adventures its fun
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Thank you. LOL, I just adore you!
@TRBRocks420 (70914)
• Banks, Oregon
4 Oct
Well done on reaching 1,000 discussions.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
4 Oct
Thank you!
1 person likes this
@wongchoiyee (7175)
• Malaysia
4 Oct
I am just active these two months, did not see her around.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Welcome to mylot.
@NJChicaa (35696)
• United States
4 Oct
Congrats on post 1000.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (43492)
• United States
5 Oct
Thank you.
1 person likes this