He Told Her She Is Getting Too Fat!

@bluesa (12692)
Johannesburg, South Africa
October 26, 2017 7:41am CST
A friend of mine is so upset, her boyfriend told her she is getting too fat and so she better make a plan. I just sat stunned when she told me he had talked to her like that. I mean, surely there was a kinder way he could have  worded it? I don't know what advice to give her. Do I tell her to tell him that he was rude and hurtful? She said that she just looked at him and he walked away before she could say anything.  And so she wants to let his comment slide. That he was probably just in a bad mood. Do I tell her to leave him and find someone who will love her as she is? I am truly shocked by this.
24 people like this
29 responses
@magallon (17358)
• Philippines
26 Oct
I believe that if the person truly cares for me, he will honestly tell me the negative things about me. But he should say it not in a rude way. Maybe her boyfriend cares for her and he is just concern on how she looks.
4 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
Unfortunately, from what she told me he was quite rude. But she will have to choose what to do.
1 person likes this
@magallon (17358)
• Philippines
30 Oct
@bluesa maybe , she just have to accept it as a challenge and do whatever she can to reduce weight...
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (14417)
• India
26 Oct
They will sort it out between them
4 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
I hope so, for her sake.
1 person likes this
@Jackalyn (6677)
• Oxford, England
26 Oct
Do not interfere. It is for your friend and boyfriend to sort out.
4 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
26 Oct
Yes, her and her boyfriend are going to have to have a serious talk. She asked me for advice. I just don't know what to advise. So she will have to decide what to do. I just can't believe his audacity.
4 people like this
@LadyDuck (121492)
• Switzerland
26 Oct
No, say nothing. She has to decide. His boyfriend was pretty rude, but some men are direct. May be he loves her and he is concerned by the fact she is getting fat.
3 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
I wish that were so, Anna, but he was more worried about her appearance than health. I did tell her that she can only decide how to handle this.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (121492)
• Switzerland
27 Oct
@bluesa You know, it's more honest to tell her than to say nothing and go because he does not like her anymore because of her new shape.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
@LadyDuck , yes, but he might still leave her, my worry is that he was so rude to her because he is no longer attracted to her and is looking for a way out of the relationship.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (81602)
• Chile
26 Oct
I guess that she will have to decide what to say to him. I don´t think that you should tell her what to do but you can be there for her saying that she is beautiful no matter how much she weighs.
3 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
26 Oct
Yes, I think that is the best I can do. I did tell her she is a beautiful woman. I want to tell her to leave him, but only she can decide that.
3 people like this
@marguicha (81602)
• Chile
26 Oct
@bluesa But she will know that you are there for her.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
@marguicha yes I am. :)
@ilocosboy (33256)
• Philippines
26 Oct
Its too early to advise here to let go of their relationship. The boyfriend can say that words because, maybe, they have been together for a long time. Then as you have said the boyfriend might be in bad mood. And if in case its true, maybe its a no offense words of his boyfriend, I mean she might have been getting fat but it doesn't mean he doesn't love her.
3 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
You could be right. I just wish he had broached the subject in a kinder manner.
@NJChicaa (29860)
• United States
26 Oct
You and she should be shocked by his comment. He was unforgivably rude. That being said, it is for your friend to decide what to do. I wouldn't give any advice either way.
3 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
26 Oct
I know, it is just so tough to see how much his words hurt her. She will have to decide what to do about his words.
3 people like this
@dpk262006 (54659)
• Delhi, India
27 Oct
I intend to differ with you. If your friend's boy friend told her that she is fat, it cannot be termed as too rude to severe ties with him.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
She will have to decide that. I would not allow being spoken to like that.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (54659)
• Delhi, India
30 Oct
@bluesa Do you mean to say that you won't allow your boy friend to speak that you are fat or slim?
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Oct
@dpk262006 Yes, if it is not in a pleasant manner, I will tell him to watch his words.
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (11011)
• Malaysia
26 Oct
tell her not to say anything yet, ignore him for a week and maybe he will realized his mistake
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
Yes, she must give him time to think about his words.
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (11011)
• Malaysia
27 Oct
@bluesa right, a time out just like a little kid
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
@peachpurple since he behaved like a rude child.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (110276)
• United States
26 Oct
I think you should mind your own business. ANd that is not meant in a bad way. See you may feel he was rude to her but she knows he was rude to her. she knows right from wrong as well. if she walked away it could be to keep from fighting with him. She could very well be told that in a better way. But I tell you if she is dumb enough to stay then she is dumb enough to get spoken to like that. Too many people want to tell a friend to leave. She already knows her options. Don't get yourself in any trouble helping someone who does not want help.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
26 Oct
I understand what you are saying. It is just that she was so hurt by this. And she asked what she should do. But as you say, she knows her options. I can't believe how rude he was to her.
2 people like this
@sharon6345 (110276)
• United States
26 Oct
@bluesa I can because she allows him to get away with it. When you have that in your situation anything goes. when you bring in others to feel sorry for you tey could get pulled in and hurt. Let her figure it out if she wants to pack up and leave. That is when you help her. And she will then give herself the chance to be treated with the love and respect she deserves.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
26 Oct
@sharon6345, Yes, if she let's him get away with these words there is not much I can do. I hope she will do what is best for her.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (11536)
• United States
26 Oct
That is pretty rude of him. If it's something that bothers him, most certainly he could have worded it better. And, if it bothers him that greatly, does he really love her? Or does he just love how she looks? I wonder how he would react if she would tell him that he's looking *insert less than desired appearance here* ?
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
Exactly. If he loved her, he would have worded it in a much kinder way. I am sure he would not appreciate it if she told him he's looking ...and here I am inserting less than desired appearance *like a donkeys butt!
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (11536)
• United States
27 Oct
@bluesa Mmm that being said -- I would want to tell her to start looking for a new boyfriend. Ha! Though I understand too, sometimes people don't like that level of directness with their significant others
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
@FayeHazel , Yes, I wanted to tell her that, but if she excuses his behaviour then she might get upset with me.
@m_audrey6788 (11601)
• Germany
26 Oct
I`m afraid to give advices on things like this due to, It may not be the right understanding on my part. There are times when the partner is only concerned about the health but not because of being fat
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
I know, but she feels that in this case he was only worried about her figure. I just told her to do what she feels is best.
1 person likes this
• Germany
27 Oct
@bluesa Yes you`re right
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (15249)
• Toccoa, Georgia
27 Oct
It is very rude what he said. She will have to make the decision to stay or leave.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
Yes, It was very rude of him and you're right, only she can ultimately decide to stay or leave.
1 person likes this
@zarlamain (23949)
• United States
27 Oct
That is so rude. I think she should talk to him about it. Even if he was in a bad mood, he shouldn't have said that. Unless he was saying it out of concern for her health, he shouldn't have mentioned her weight gain like that.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
I agree, and from what she told me, he was more worried about her shape than her health. I told her she has to decide what she will allow and not allow when he speaks to her a certain way.
@DianneN (59079)
• United States
26 Oct
I'd stay completely out of it and let them discuss it. As her friend, you should just be there for her to lend an ear and be comforting.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
I know, though it is not easy for me to bite down, I will just let her vent to me.
@Corbin5 (81314)
• United States
26 Oct
I think it is up to her to decide how she wants to handle this comment. It is all up to her, I believe.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
Yes, I certainly can't fly into him and rip a strip off him. She will have to do what is best for her.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
26 Oct
He was very rude and there was no reason for him to be so mean to her. However, she is grown and can make her own decisions. She will need you to vent to at times if she stays with him because everyone needs a friend they can do that with-especially when not being treated nicely.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
I agree, she can make her own decisions. I will try to be there for her to vent to, till she decides to do about his rude and hurtful words.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (26828)
26 Oct
I agree , he could have found a better way to do it - maybe a couple of hints like planning on going to the gym together, suggesting they go jogging together etc. But let's face it - he said that she is getting too fat, which gives me the impression that she was not fat when they met and he was attracted to her. I don't know how long they have been together, but his concern shows that he would like them to be together always and he wants her to take control before it gets out of hand. I am sure he is aware that their bodies will change as they grow older but he doesn't want it to start too soon.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 Oct
He could definitely have worded it better. They have been together for 5 years. He is not exactly gorgeous. I just wish he hadn't been so harsh. If he would like them to be together always, I hope he can find a way to watch his mouth.
@YrNemo (8469)
28 Oct
Don't let yourself be involved in couple's disagreements. When they laugh at things together later, your name (that is, if you thought they needed helps), would be mentioned over and over as a joke.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
28 Oct
Sadly, you're right. If they make up, I would be the baddie.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (8469)
28 Oct
@bluesa (been there done that, I know the feeling very well!)
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
28 Oct
@YrNemo yep, so it is best to just listen
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (20212)
• Canada
27 Oct
Ouch! That was an awful thing to say! I would be very concerned, since he said that awful thing and walked away.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
28 Oct
I agree, It was awful. She is concerned, but with that is also the hurt.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (20212)
• Canada
28 Oct
@bluesa I wonder? If someone you love criticizes one's body if there is not a more serious problem?
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12692)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Oct
@1hopefulman yes I am wondering that too. I hope she can find the heart to ask him what is going on.
1 person likes this