How candid are you?

That is also true. Past experience or knowing something about the person based on his or her interactions with others sets up our behavior pattern. My cousin dropped by. He was pampered rotten by two brothers, who now don't see eye to eye. I asked him did you visit them. He said yes. Then I asked him did you know what happened between them. He said, whatever may have happened is between them. If they have not told me, they have reasons for it. I can't discount the fact that they cared for me merely because one seems to have behaved badly with respect to the other. I am an outsider, and wish to remain as such, even though I do know something about the problem between them from other sources. So yes, I maintain good relationship with them. I am, after all, a marketing man. Deep thought.

Good point. Yes I suppose some people take straight talk easier and more openly than others. I would probably try to find the best way to tell things depending on their character and how well I know them.

@vandana7 Your cousin did the right thing. Sometimes it's better not to meddle in conflicts that don't involve us in the first place. I can imagine how difficult it would be for your cousin if he were to talk to the two brothers about what happened between them.

Oh is that a characteristic of the Southeners? I didn't know But I know what you mean, I do find saying "no" difficult at times too!

@1creekgirl That's understandable. Sometimes it's not what we say but how we say it, right?

@cahaya1983 If someone says, " Do you like this dress I bought?", I'd say, "Well, it's very pretty and looks good on you, but it's probably not the best choice for me, so I guess I'd have to say no." Instead of just saying No to start with!

@cahaya1983 Hmmm...nobody likes to break ties. But when people become pig headed, there seems to be little choice. I had this 42 year old asking me to adopt him when he arrived at my place. He was invited over, to help him save some monies on hotel expenses. Instead he presumed I liked him so much. I told him before he left, that I would only be interested in COMPLETE orphans. He brushed it aside, because it did not suit his plans of becoming a free loader. He called me up as if he was concerned about me. I realized that the message did not get through, so I sent a message clearly spelling out my reasons for not considering him to be the right person for adopting. Instead of reading through he replies he has my best interests in heart, and it is in my interests to adopt him, because I will need him to listen to me in old age. The guy who does not read my message, is going to make me miserable, put cotton in both ears, and let me keep talking like soliloquy. lol. In all probability, such a person and his family would become physically abusive. I had to use stern approach, highlighting, he had major differences with parents, and in-laws, so he is simply not accustomed to taking care of elderly. What does he do? Sulk, and come on boards. Then I give it to him. I did not bring it on board. He did.

@vandana7 A 42 year old wanting to be adopted? That's really unusual. You mentioned his in-laws, so he is married and has a family of his own? That makes it even more absurd. In that case I can understand why you had no choice but to keep your distance from him. The way he kept insisting after getting a "no" from you, that was really pushy.

I think I'm the opposite. If I see that the person isn't taking my subtle message well, I tend to not escalate the situation further by giving it another attempt. I guess confrontation isn't really my style (although there are times that I wish I have enough courage to do that! ). But then again, there were a few situations where the only choice I had was to be frank , but of course not at the expense of breaking ties.

@cahaya1983 You made me laugh. I could see myself calling my grandmother that. She would have laughed and wondered what was wrong with me.

That reminds me of some people who think "housewife" and "homemaker" sound too "ordinary and unprofessional" and go for "domestic engineer"' instead. Last time I checked, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet!

@Bluedoll Your grandmother would probably be happy to be called that, for all you know

I'm pretty straightforward when I talk about myself too, but when it comes to talking to others I'd try to say even the negative things in a way that won't be hurtful but still honest.

@cahaya1983 I need to work on that.

Apparently many new terms have been coined to substitute certain phrases. They're sometimes used interchangeably too.

@cahaya1983 indeed, and some new words are even from our national language, Pilipino

@cahaya1983 Same goes here.

Sometimes I tend to be more delicate in my words when it comes to loved ones because I can't bear to offend them.

@cahaya1983 I have seen some very ugly kids.

@shaggin Super mean

True, photogenic simply shows that someone looks attractive in photos - nice smile, pose, etc. but not necessarily pretty. Seriously though how can babies be ugly??

Well I suppose even the most sensitive and polite person would have exceptions when it comes to that kind of people.

@cahaya1983

I've always believed there is a nice way to say negative things to other people without offending them. Some situations probably require us to be candid to get our point across, but I believe that we should at least try to be polite as much as we can. You did the right thing. I don't think I could ever tell anyone that their cooking is awful.

Yes I think it depends on the people and the situation too. But if being straightforward is the only way I can change things for the better than I would take that route.

I understand, being honest doesn't mean we don't have to be sensitive.

Is it the same when you talk to people close to you? Family members or best friends?

@cahaya1983 yes I do that to everyone, including my hubby. I beat around the bush a lot

Good point! I think sugarcoating things doesn't mean we're not being honest. It just shows we're being honest in the nicest way possible.

@cahaya1983

I think it certain situations that's the only way to get our point across, especially if it's a matter of principles.

So you're a naturally straightforward person then. Not sure what you meant by staying away from women's conversations, is it because you feel like you need to be more sensitive to join the conversation?

In our culture sometimes we like to use other words to describe fat people too. I think people do that because they think it might offend them.

Me too. Even when I want to criticize I try to be polite about it.

Lol that gave me a good laugh. Liquidity constrained definitely sounds better.

True. I personally don't think it's right to always be PC for the sake of pleasing certain people - it's annoying to be honest - but if it means keeping people from being offended or insulted then I don't really see it as a bad thing.