Whose Brilliant Idea Was That?
By Morley Hunt
November 11, 2017 4:53am CST
It seemed innocent enough! Almost two weeks ago my elderly father was discharged from hospital to a retirement residence as part of the "Home First" program to get him into long term care. It has not been a great arrangement, but for the moment it is the best we can do. The care leaves a lot to be desired...there are huge gaps and he is not a happy camper. Telephone is included with his room fee, so it was decided by "family" we could bring him his own telephone. That way we could call him and he could have some more contact with the outside world. Last Friday, my brother plugged the phone into the supplied telephone Jack and sent all of us his number. Sunday I received the first telephone call. "Why had I not come for a visit?" It was not a good phone call, and we eventually disconnected (my brother was told...I said I was busy and hung up!) When he moved into the retirement residence, I had informed him that I was not going to be able to come every other day as I did at the hospital...I would be coming one day a week. Then I was there Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday..... Wednesday morning the second call came as I was driving so I sent it to voice mail...the message left sounds like a bunch of noises...no real identifiable words. This was as I was heading to visit him. I spent the entire day. Friday morning, another. Phone call...he had a headache....tell the staff....Tylenol wasn't helping....don't know what I can do.....when is the oldest daughter coming....Monday....(she's a nurse, I'll pass your concerns on to her and have her phone you later today!) Friday afternoon.....another phone call....when is the oldest daughter going to call him? He isn't feeling well....have you told staff? .....I haven't seen anyone....really? What about your PSW?.....they don't care.....use your call button....he hung up! Later in the day the oldest son went for a visit...a litany of complaints..... Now my oldest sister thinks that he should be given a cell phone....please..please...program your phone number in as the first number he calls. There...rant over! I'm good. This too will pass.
12 people like this
• Bunbury, Australia
We were so lucky with my mother who really tried not to bother us. Things still weren't easy for her or us but at least she didn't pester us. It probably helped that my sister lived in the same town and was able to visit often.
He constantly complains that no one visits....that we don't visit often enough. There is a sign in/out book in the lobby...he has constant traffic to his rooms...family, friend snd oh..PSWs and physiotherapist and nurses. He has a revolving door.
• El Paso, Texas
I remember you writing about how this would come to pass once he moved out of your home and sure enough there it is. I had hoped you wouldn't have it so hard but I suppose the elderly have their needs and feel they have the right to drive their children crazy.
@rebelann we are driving out to see our new house. We leave early (3AM) on Friday...take possession while we are on the road (?) and then arrive around noon on Saturday. We are excited to make plans of how to make it our home. The. After a week there we will make the long drive home
I refuse to feel guilty. I've given five years...now I'm passing the baton to the others...I'm running away from home and will come back to visit. When I'm 18 hours away, I can't be expected to drop everything and run....just because he's lonely.
• United States
Been there, done that. When Dad was in assisted living, my sister and I were exhausted going back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth. Call after call, after call, after call. We now have a break due to Dad being age 96 and in a nursing home where the care is amazing, and the nursing home is only a mile a way. However, it took 16 years to get that sort of a break.
• United States
I am hoping my mom never ends up there. My brother moved in with her. He said he will take care of her. I am tying to get her to get an aide. My mom will be home in her unit as long as possible. My friend worked in that kind of place. she said she would never allow her family to live there. Your dad is lonely and I wish he were home but I am sure things are not as easy as we might think. I have a home aid and hope it lasts a very long time.