Do Children Confide in their Grandparents More than to their Parents?

@josie_ (7409)
Philippines
November 23, 2017 11:41pm CST
Base on my personal experience of having raise all my grandchildren at some period of their lives I would say "Yes". Matters that they might hesitate to bring up with their parents are discuss openly with me. I usually end up as the buffer cushioning the repercussion of their "wrongdoings" which I prefer to call their "misadventure". Par for the course of growing up into adulthood. The above sentences implies that I spoil them which I will be the first to admit. One grandson (Joshua) was recently called into the disciplinarian office for (unintentionally) breaking the nose of a fellow classmate during a fistfight. Joshua in return got a black eye. But it wasn't his parents but I who met with the other pupil's parents to settle the matter amicably. OMG! Have I contributed to their juvenile delinquency? Before someone start to express disapproval for my method of parenting, I would like to mention that my grandson is a consistent honor student, was a member of the drum and lyre band during his elementary school days but now shifted into athletics in high school and presently class president when this incident occur. I only mention this incident as an example of my impression that children would prefer to approach their grandparents when in trouble and need help rather than breaking the bad news to their parents. I would like to hear other dissenting opinions. Photo image: Wikimedia Commons
16 people like this
18 responses
@LadyDuck (170893)
• Switzerland
24 Nov
I have no experience as I had no children. When I was young the person to whom I went when I was in trouble was my father, or his mother (who lived with us). Mom had a bad temper and she did not listen. Dad was a lot more similar to me.
5 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
24 Nov
There are many similarities between an Italian family and a Filipino family. It's not uncommon for us to have relatives living together. Your in-laws, aunts or uncles, a niece or nephew all part of an extended family. Obviously mother-in-laws jokes are not appreciated. Maybe her mother-in-law was the reason for your mom's bad temper? Do you recall your relationship with your paternal grandmother?
4 people like this
@jstory07 (69145)
• Roseburg, Oregon
24 Nov
I helped raise all but three of my grandchildren and the four great grandsons. All of them told me things they would never tell their parents
5 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
24 Nov
Is it because they know we are "butter in their hands" and less harsh compare to their parents?
5 people like this
@jstory07 (69145)
• Roseburg, Oregon
24 Nov
@josie_ Yes we are.
4 people like this
@ilocosboy (35793)
• Philippines
24 Nov
Speaking of children, my answer would be yes, kids find lola and lolo to be more approachable and understanding.
4 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
24 Nov
Generally all grandparents spoil their grandchildren.
3 people like this
@louievill (19341)
• Philippines
24 Nov
Their was a time in my life when I was like Joshua, for a time I lived with my Grandparents, not only my grand parents but 3 old maid aunts who lived with them, it was one of the finest times of my life, I had so many people I trusted and could confide to, and serve as buffer to my parents. I was their pet and I felt like a Prince,, I got almost everthing I wanted. I can't blame my parents, they were so busy with their business to give all 3 of us siblings the best education they could afford, so better there than to leave us in the care of maids.
2 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
24 Nov
Did all your siblings live with your grandparents? That must have been a rowdy but happy home.
2 people like this
@louievill (19341)
• Philippines
24 Nov
@josie_ my brother, the youngest was with my parents most of the time, we had house helps whenever they were away but at times he also stayed in my grandparent's house with me. My elder sister lived in a dorm when she was studying in U.P. So it was me who was in our grandparent's house most of the time, I felt at home there since my aunt an elder sister of my mother helped raise me up so she was more than a second mother to me.
2 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
25 Nov
@louievill _I also had an "old maid" aunt but she was a disciplinarian and I always tried to avoid her.
2 people like this
@YrNemo (14297)
24 Nov
I am not surprised one bit hearing this. I always went to my grandparents in the past for anything. My parents could be very strict, and had no patience and understanding like my grandparents.
2 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
25 Nov
Maybe grandparents are kinder and more understanding to their grandchildren because they are trying to make up or atone for all their excessive strictness when they where parents.
2 people like this
@YrNemo (14297)
25 Nov
2 people like this
@JustBhem (41289)
• Davao, Philippines
24 Nov
Because they can ask help or advice right away with their grandparents. Or maybe because grandparents listen to them.
2 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
25 Nov
At our age of retirement we have all the time to listen to them. Parents are busy earning a living and providing for their children.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (41289)
• Davao, Philippines
25 Nov
@josie_ One of the reasons too.
2 people like this
• Peoria, Arizona
24 Nov
Grandparents are the ones that treat the grandchildren as forever kids. The grandparents never ground the kids, they hardly say no, so they go towards the grandparents. I never really gravitated more towards any of my grandparents. I didn't see most of them because they live far away and then I was never really close with my grandma. But, every situation is different.
2 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
24 Nov
I suppose some grandparents are grouchy while others are like cuddly teddy bears any grandchild would love to hug.
1 person likes this
• Peoria, Arizona
26 Nov
@josie_ Yep, not everyone is the same haha unfortunately.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov
Your grandson was probably being picked on, and he needed to protect himself, it's what I would tell my grandson to do. I think my granddaughter will confide in me more sometimes, I think it just depends.
2 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
25 Nov
As class president it was part of his responsibility to keep the class from being overly boisterous while the teacher wasn't in the classroom. The classmate he got into a fistfight was surreptitiously throwing and hitting the back and head of female classmates with crumpled paper missiles. Harsh words between my grandson and the wiseguy raise emotions that eventually turn into a physical altercation.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (32491)
• Philippines
24 Nov
the same way you feel at ease sharing some things to certain aunts and uncles, or cousins than siblings. what a fine young man you raised.
2 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
24 Nov
Most of my aunts and uncles where strict but I was fortunate to have a great maternal lola (grandma). Perhaps that's the reason I try to emulate her now I have grandchildren of my own.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (19041)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Nov
Well nothing I can compare with today but I do remember when I was a child if I had done anything naughty and my parents were angry I went to hide behind grandma.
2 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
24 Nov
That is definitely the best place to hide when trying to avoid your parent's anger
2 people like this
@Hannihar (40090)
8 Mar
I cannot answer that. I know I could not talk to my parents when I was a child and spent lots of time with my grandfather. I cannot remember if confided in him but we were very close.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
8 Mar
Perhaps you meant not being able to confide to your parents. Not actually talking to our parents while we are under one roof would be strange and awkward.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (40090)
8 Mar
@josie_ I was not close to my parents and they were not home enough. I think I talked to my mother sometimes but they really did not understand me at all josefina.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
8 Mar
@Hannihar _With whom did you spend most of your time with while growing up?
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (12769)
• Malaysia
25 Nov
My kids are closer to me than their grandparents because they never took care of them. I became their best friend since young. Anything happens in school, I am the first person to know
1 person likes this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
25 Nov
You are a good parent. For a child to say his or her mom is their best friend says a lot about your relationship with your children.
2 people like this
@peachpurple (12769)
• Malaysia
25 Nov
@josie_ esy, my kids tell me their secret but never to their dad nor grandparents
2 people like this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
25 Nov
@peachpurple _I take it dad is the disciplinarian at home?
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (81467)
• Philippines
27 Nov
I was in Manila, when my daughter in grade 5 then, was bullied by the mother of her classmate whom she nomiated to be the class president, since she know she wants to. But that was not accepted well when my daughter came out to be voted most. So, she told the mother and the mother did that to my daughter. So, it was my mother-in-law who went to the school principal and complained about the bullying of that mother. From then on, the mother didn't ever went near our daughter. I just came to know about it when I came home from Manila. Good thing, my mother-in-law is a fierce woman.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
27 Nov
It is wonderful to have a mother-in-law who we can get along with. When my mother-in-law was still alive I used to tease her saying that "I only married her son because of her". I miss her very much. The mother of your daughter's classmate is teaching false values to her children. Winning isn't everything. One should learn to accept losing in a competition graciously.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (81467)
• Philippines
28 Nov
@josie_ Yes, she is a kind and protective mother-in-law. It's sad though that she is having mild dementia now. That mother indeed doesn't know the proper protocol for dealing with things like this. Good thing the principal intervened fairly.
1 person likes this
@just4him (124124)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
24 Nov
I think that's a good statement. I know as a kid, I felt it was easier to talk to my grandparents, versus my parents. Though I know my kids felt the same about my parents as I did, and would rather tell me what happened, or keep it to themselves and tell me as an adult what went on in their childhood that I knew nothing about, and am glad I didn't at the time, in some cases. Those are the incidents you can laugh about now.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
25 Nov
Funny how time changes our perception of a situation or incident. What seem significant or crucial becomes with the passing of time trivial and something that we shrug our shoulders and can laugh about.
2 people like this
@just4him (124124)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
25 Nov
@josie_ Yes, it can.
2 people like this
• Stanton, Kentucky
25 Feb
My grandchildren confided in me more than their parents when they were little but not so much as they grew older.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
28 Feb
At that age they probably confide more to their peers. Just glad my grandchildren still trust me to keep a secret.
@TheHorse (71014)
• Pleasant Hill, California
10 Feb
I think's true of mentors and some teachers as well. As for Grandparents, I think they've developed the wisdom to put transgressions in perspective.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
12 Feb
I believe grandparents over compensate with their grandchildren for the things they didn't do or should have done when they were parenting.
@yanzalong (10174)
• Indonesia
11 Dec
I haven't got that experience but I will definitely. Good story brought up here. Thank.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
11 Dec
True story. I spoil my grandchildren.
1 person likes this
@rubyriaz007 (4258)
• India
26 Nov
I think children will confide to their grandparents, because grandparents pamper them more than parents. If they confide more to parents,they will be scolded which children don't like. Children are more open to their grandparents to express their thoughts than their parents.
1 person likes this
@josie_ (7409)
• Philippines
27 Nov
I used to be a strict parent but now I'm a doting grandparent who spoil her grandchildren.
1 person likes this