To A Pig Farm!?

free image from Pixabay
@bluesa (12770)
Johannesburg, South Africa
November 30, 2017 7:52am CST
Yeah, a friend of mine might be moving to a pig farm, and she is not happy!  Her husband has decided he is tired of the city and he wants a quiet life. He wanted to do this a few years back already, but she convinced him to wait a few years because she wanted her daughter from a previous marriage to finish high school first. Now,  this friend of mine has a zest for life, she loves dancing, edm (electronic dance music) and socialising! She always has a sparkle in her eyes. Slowly but surely, her husband has been killing her zest for life. Those sparkling eyes are becoming sad. He started asking her to stop listening to edm, so she would sneak a cd into the stereo when he wasn't around. He wouldn't take her dancing anymore, so when he went on fishing trips she would go dancing. Now he is insistent he wants to be a farmer, buy a pig farm, and settle there. She is so unhappy and considering divorcing him. She loves him, she says she does, even though he has asked her to change so much, but him expecting her to settle on a farm away from everything is just too much for her! What would you do? I am not the type to live on a farm. Image credit:  Pixabay
20 people like this
22 responses
@LadyDuck (121670)
• Switzerland
30 Nov
I have followed my husband all the time, even if I was not very happy about some decisions. Of course when I fully disagreed we discussed and we have always found a middle solution so to be both happy. Pigs really smell bad, this would be a NO.
9 people like this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
It is good you and your husband have been able to find solutions, so that you can both be happy. Oh, I wholeheartedly agree, Anna, this if it had been me, would be a NO too.
3 people like this
@LadyDuck (121670)
• Switzerland
1 Dec
@bluesa When my husband planned to move to the United States or Canada I was ready to follow him, but when he said that he wanted to go to a Caribbean Island I disagreed. Well, this year, that Caribbean Island (St. Martin) has been fully destroyed by the hurricane. This shows that I was right and I had my reasons not to want to go there.
3 people like this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
4 Dec
@LadyDuck thank goodness you disagreed and that your husband understood you had your reasons! You were very much right.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (110490)
• United States
30 Nov
I think I was born to be in the country but to be honest I would never live around that much dirt. My mental would not survive. I would pack a bag and leave. I don't need anything but toothbrush and washcloth. People have the balls to ask a person to give up everything for them. You get one life on this planet.
5 people like this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
I could also not handle too much dirt or too much silence. I also don't understand people thinking that once they have married someone they have the right to ask them to give up things they liked, like music, or a favourite passtime that hurt no one...
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
2 Dec
@sharon6345 good for you. I totally agree with your outlook! :)
@sharon6345 (110490)
• United States
2 Dec
@bluesa Thanks I am happy to hear that.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (26926)
30 Nov
They sound like two opposites. Wasn't she aware of what he was like before they got married?
4 people like this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
They met in a dance club, @Kandae11 , and as soon as they got married he stopped taking her dancing and he started asking her to change...
2 people like this
• Ponce De Leon, Florida
30 Nov
If she loves them, she will support his choices. She doesn't know till she gets out there if she will like it or not. As for what you should do, this isn't your choice. It's hers.
4 people like this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
I am not asking what I should do, I am saying that I would not live on a farm. And I have not told her what she should do, I have just told her I would not move to a farm. The choice of course is totally hers. I just wondered who else would consider moving to a farm or not...
@topffer (30594)
• France
30 Nov
I bred rabbits in the countryside during 3 years when I was a student, I guess it is why I got all my diplomas, I was the only "farmer" inscribed and they probably needed one for their stats. Then I have had an interesting professional mutation : I was the only rabbit breeder in this country wanting to become a lawyer (it would be too long to explain). If you ask me, breeding pigs is a big "No, no", they will have to work 12 hours a day for a low income. The only advantage is that all diseases are known and under control for pigs. There are a few animals more interesting to breed and needing less work time : wild boars and deers in a fenced open area. All you have to do is to be sure that they have always water available, and to feed them is there is not enough food in the place. Snails : a good niche here, I do not know in your country, but the weather seems to be ideal for them. It needs more investment (closed building, humidifiers and control of the hygrometry...), but quite everything can be automatized, including the distribution of food. Quails, partridges : as many time needed than for pigs, but a lot more interesting for the income. I would ask to think twice before buying a pig farm...
3 people like this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
Hello @topffer . A rabbit breeder wanting to become a lawyer.. this is going to leave me wondering...hehe.. I too do not understand why he would choose pig farming. I am not certain he understands how tough it could be. I would never have thought of snails as a farming opportunity.
2 people like this
@topffer (30594)
• France
30 Nov
@bluesa Snails are easy to breed and they smell better than pigs. I do not know if you are eating snails in South-Africa ? Your friend should dissuade him to breed pigs. He should work in a pig farm during 1 month to learn what it is first, and see if he is still interested.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
@topffer I have to agree! It is not really so popular to eat snails here, I don't eat snails and nor do my friends. I think most are imported though. I will ask my friend if she might suggest to her husband that he tries farming for a month before deciding anything, but he is very stubborn.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (81577)
• United States
30 Nov
Well, I certainly would not go along if we were to reside on a pig farm that would result in the pigs being killed for meat. I am a vegetarian, so that would not work for me since I am against killing animals for any purpose. I would have to say goodbye.
3 people like this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
They are not vegetarians, but it is such a big change he is expecting her to make. I am not sure what she will do. But I could not live on a farm.
3 people like this
@Corbin5 (81577)
• United States
30 Nov
@bluesa I could live on a farm as long as no animals were killed.
2 people like this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
@Corbin5 I am too used to the city and the suburbs.
2 people like this
@YrNemo (8519)
30 Nov
Sounds like the noose is tightened more and more with time. In the end, the lady will either lose herself & her ID, or lose this second husband. Only she can make the decision.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
Agreed, and only she can make the decision. I am just saying farm life is not for me and wondered who would move to a farm and who wouldn't...
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (8519)
30 Nov
@bluesa If she has expressed her thought to you, she might just do it (divorce him). I don't care for farm life either (I am too old ), but when I was a little kid, I used to watch my friends worked like mad helping their parents out with feeding giant pigs, then doing this and that and this and that the whole day long (I tagged along them to watch!).
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
30 Nov
@YrNemo , yes, if she feels this move is asking too much, she might. I am happy you had those moments with your friends, age is but a number , but it is good to know farm life is not for you either, I won't be the only one running from the whole farming idea
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (41130)
• Philippines
30 Nov
We don't have divorce here and you are lucky you have that option there. I have a friend in her 60s now whose husband also killed her zest. She loves dancing and still do. She was a beautiful woman. They're rich but her husband had other women and would even tell her about that. She allowed herself to be emotionally abused. Now, the husband is sick and could no longer move on his own. She is still with him, taking care of him and never leaving his side.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
That is so sad, that she couldn't divorce him. He is lucky that there is no divorce, but how sad for her.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (41130)
• Philippines
7 Dec
@bluesa Indeed it is. He doesn't even have an idea how lucky he is for having her in his life.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
7 Dec
@toniganzon , it infuriates me. She gave her life to him, and zero appreciation from him. He knew she didn't have an out, so no matter what he did she was stuck with him. Ugh!
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (35680)
• Gainesville, Florida
30 Nov
I could live in either setting, and over time I would adapt to whatever surroundings I'm in. But would I love it if it wasn't a place I loved? Probably not. It's interesting how people change over time, and seem to drift in different directions and become almost someone completely different. It sounds like this guy used to like dancing and such, but over time has lost that zeal for fun. Or maybe he was never into it, but did it for his wife. Whatever the reason, it sounds like your friend has some tough choices to make soon.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
I think he tried to be as social as she is, but just doesn't enjoy it as much as she does. Yes, sadly she does have some tough choices to make.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (35680)
• Gainesville, Florida
8 Dec
@bluesa It's really hard to be social if you are not a social person. It really puts an emotional strain on you, leaving you mentally exhausted afterward. Neither of those two are right or wrong; unfortunately, they have just grown in different directions it seems.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
@moffittjc , yes, if he tried just for her, that was already a strain. And they have less in common each day, I just hope they figure something out if they still love each other.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (6168)
• United Kingdom
1 Dec
What work does he do at the moment? What about her? If neither of them knows anything about farming then they will certainly find it much harder than they think, it isn't a relaxing life leaning over gates in the sunshine watching the animals! It could all end in disaster and financial ruin. Not only that but their shared life should be a shared decision, marriage is meant to be a partnership. If they can't negotiate over things like this then they are not right for each other.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
He owns a car dealership that he wants to sell. She is a teacher, that teaches Greek. Seeing how all this is going they seem to be not right for each other, but maybe they work something out.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (6168)
• United Kingdom
6 Dec
@bluesa They don't sound right for each other really. Farming is not just a job, it is a whole life. If they both wanted to do it and were completely behind the idea, got some experience and some good advice, they could make it work. Otherwise I think it's a big mistake. Maybe he could compromise and find some other occupation that was less stressful and in a more rural location, and she could find work in the area too.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
@Fleura I agree. Yes, I will suggest this to my friend that he could maybe try for another occupation in a rural area and see if she will discuss this with him.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (37924)
• Philippines
1 Dec
maybe she should have the taste of living in rural area, or a community. maybe she will learn to live simple life.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
If she is willing to even try, who knows, she might be okay with it, but she is horrified at the idea.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (37924)
• Philippines
8 Dec
@bluesa that is bad. i hope the relationship will still continue despite their distance away from each other, if it happens
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
@ridingbet, yes, this is not easy. I hope they find a solution.
1 person likes this
@Luap1050 (357)
7 Dec
Wow ...tough when you care about someone but you grow apart in different directions .... Maybe the Husband's pig farm thing is a passing fad?...if not , she has a tough decision to make indeed
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
I am afraid that she might have a tough decision to make. But I hope they can work something out.
1 person likes this
@Luap1050 (357)
9 Dec
@bluesa Indeed, hope they can as well !
1 person likes this
@just4him (91879)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
1 Dec
For me, I wouldn't divorce just because he wants to buy a pig farm. She won't either if love is involved. They need to sit down and talk about what they plan to do.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
She has been talking and he has been talking, one is as stubborn as the other. It is going to come down to compromise, I think.
1 person likes this
@just4him (91879)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
6 Dec
@bluesa Compromise is good.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (54713)
• Delhi, India
1 Dec
I think it is not fair on the part of your friend's husband to pressurize your friend to live in a farm house and ask her to curtail her hobbies and interests. It is a kind of bullying.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
I think so too, but she loves him, or so she says. I hope they figure things out.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (54713)
• Delhi, India
7 Dec
@bluesa If you love someone, it does not mean that you will sacrifice everything for him/her.
1 person likes this
@EddieHands (32996)
• United States
7 Dec
where there are pigs.. there is bacon very close!!
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
, yeah, pretty much! And that would work for you.
@LoriAMoore (9987)
• United States
5 Dec
I wouldn't mind living in a rural area, but not with a pig farm!
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
that is a woah moment!
1 person likes this
@shaggin (26814)
• United States
2 Dec
I think it would be wonderful for me. I love animals but they can be a lot of care! Hopefully he has some experience with this if he thinks he will do well with the farm he needs to have looks into all there is to know about it. I can understand your friends upset. You are happily single if I remember correctly so you can be her rock during this and show her she can be happy without him.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
Yes, I hope he will consider everything. It's great you would be happy with a move like that. I am happily single, I don't know if she would be, but I will be there for her, whatever she decides.
1 person likes this
@PainsOnSlate (19212)
• Canada
2 Dec
I have moved every time my husband wanted to for a better job, I actually enjoyed the moves. I refused just once and it was because of our children and their education, and now we are in our forever house. I have never lived on a farm but I have lived in the country and loved that too, with a car she might still love the farm...
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
Yes, it would depend how far they would have to move away from what she considers civilisation. We moved a lot too while I was growing up, I didn't enjoy it so much. I am happy you're in your forever house now.
1 person likes this
@TRBRocks420 (62167)
• Banks, Oregon
1 Dec
I don't think she should do anything she doesn't want too and I like peace and quiet in the country but not a pig farm lol.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
I feel the same and I don't mind peace and quiet, but oh heck no to a pig farm. Lol
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (9551)
• Malaysia
1 Dec
Sorry to hear about your friend. I hope they can still find a middle ground, though. It would be so sad if she has to give up the things she likes because of that.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (12770)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
6 Dec
Yes, if she really loves him and gives up who she is, it would be sad. But divorce would also be sad. A terrible mess all in all.
1 person likes this