The Curse of The Side Chick

United States
December 3, 2017 10:03am CST
I just hate love triangles. I hate when people say it's because they care about more than one person at a time, as if their feelings justify what they are doing to people. I notice that I am always the one someone has to hide and see. I am never openly loved, so every time I see it, I know it all too well. I am always a secret.
4 people like this
10 responses
@Happy2BeMe (69980)
• Canada
3 Dec
You deserve better. You do not have to accept that from any man. There are lots of men out there. You do not have to be somebodys side chick.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Dec
I thought I did but every single time I give someone a chance, they are already involved with somebody. You would think guys would just have the decency to leave you alone if they know they are with someone else.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (69980)
• Canada
3 Dec
@stacysdeadright you would think so. Not all guys are like that. There are good ones out there.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec
@Happy2BeMe I've met like 2 in all my years on earth, so I know they're out there but they are just hard to find. Maybe I need to move to a different environment.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Dec
I didn’t hit like because I hate this...been a side-chick, and from your responses to other comments here I was the same as you...I had someone pursue me when he was already in a serious relationship with another woman and I was unaware! Oh! how sweet he was, he poured so much romantic gestures that I fell for him, then I learned that he was engaged to someone else! It was a huge blow... and it was excruciating to choose the right thing by taking myself out of the equation... it was so tempting to give in to his promises that I was the one he loved and he just needed to end things with her... but it was BS, even if he would leave her for me, how can I say he won’t do the same thing to me in the near future? And if he was really in love with me why didn’t he end it first before pursuing me? But I can’t even begin to describe how painfull it was...so, just hang in there... and know that just like me, you’ll find someone better than that a$$hole...and it helps to never give your heart until he’s introduced you to his family too...
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec
Omg! I am so sorry that happened to you. What I went through and what others like yourself have gone through numerous times, is why I don't have faith in relationships anymore. I can't help but think what if I had engaged to the one that said he wanted to marry me, but before we got to a ring or anything I found out he wasn't faithful either. Just reading your comment, I think wow I could've been the fiance of a man who was just like that. These things take so much time to heal that it's actually really sad that so many have had to go through it, as often as we do.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Dec
@stacysdeadright it is and yes, for a while I couldn’t trust another man but my husband is a gem so don’t let those scumbags win...although there are a lot of men like them, there are still few good ones left... I hope you find one but until then just take your time to heal...
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec
@marapplestiffy Thank you. I want to not date anyone for a year straight. Anybody who shows up now, will have to settle for being friends for a long time first. No casually hooking up or anything, just vibe together.
1 person likes this
@Orson_Kart (4121)
• United Kingdom
3 Dec
That's your decision. If you know he is already with someone else, why become his bit on the side?
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec
It never starts that way. I always find out later when my feelings are involved.
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
3 Dec
@stacysdeadright Is that you in your profile? If so, then you won't be short of admirers. You'll just have to vet potential suiters more carefully in future.
• United States
5 Dec
@Orson_Kart Not really. It does look a lot like me though which is why I chose it. I have had my share of stalkers on Facebook, so I haven't been posting my real info or pictures anywhere lately. Had some really weird situations not to mention the unsolicited pics....UGH.
1 person likes this
@paigea (21244)
• Canada
3 Dec
As soon as someone is secretive, walk away fast. Don't accept it for a minute.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec
This is so true. By wanting honesty I've been labeled insecure so i stopped asking for it but I still get screwed over. I guess that as soon as I see it, I should forget about them.
@paigea (21244)
• Canada
3 Dec
@stacysdeadright absolutely. They are not worth it.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec
@paigea thank you for that advice. I've always thought I should give people the benefit of a doubt. But the few good guys I've met, they were 100% honest and upfront.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (22694)
• Davao, Philippines
3 Dec
We deserve someone better, if you think you are not happy with that kind of thing then it is best to let go.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec
True. I have let go. It's just the 4th time it's happened in 2 years. I've been naive to the games.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (22694)
• Davao, Philippines
6 Dec
@stacysdeadright Good to hear that.
• Jacksonville, Florida
3 Dec
My answer would be the good guys aren't always the best looking, the most put together or the most wealthy. If that's what your chasing after you will forever be a secret. Step out of your comfort zone. Look for someone your not attracted to physically or who aren't the wealthy ones. Stop worrying so much about your appearance or theirs. Worry about the inside since that's where the truth lies. I have a friend who always chased after the most attractive guy she could find and was always heart broken. Now she's with someone she was not so physically attracted to, started out as a friendship and he treats her like gold!
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec
I don't really chase anyone. Some of the guys who approach me are not even that good looking, but they are confident which is what I am naturally drawn to. I've had a few less confident guys take me out and they kind of bored me. It's not so much the look, but it's a certain personality. I think I'm naturally drawn to bad boys, in all honesty. Sometimes I may even see signs that they fool with other girls, but lately it's been more than just fooling with other girls. These " bad boys" have the nerve to still behave that way while they are in serious relationships. I have no problem with getting to know a guy and seeing if he could calm down if in a relationship. The last two just confused me so badly with how sneaky they were. I was wondering why we would meet at weird times in certain places, turns out they were avoiding getting caught cheating. It was just crazy how single these guys act.
@NJChicaa (29828)
• United States
3 Dec
Why would you put up with such treatment?
• United States
3 Dec
I don't know. Lord knows I try not to.
1 person likes this
@NJChicaa (29828)
• United States
3 Dec
@stacysdeadright demand that you are treated with the respect you deserve. If a man isn’t proud to show you off to the world, then he isn’t worth your time.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec
@NJChicaa I just have never been that demanding. I always thought that being laid back was a plus, but maybe that makes me a target.
@sallypup (22028)
• Moses Lake, Washington
3 Dec
Is that love and respect or is it just animal lust? Sure a shallow way to be.
• United States
3 Dec
I just give too many people the benefit of a doubt. Social media has made cheating way too easy and I guess I'm a bit naive.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec
@sallypup Yeah, I've accidentally friend zoned a few guys. The good ones tend to back off when they see I'm interested in someone else. Sad thing is I've been interested in the wrong ones.
1 person likes this
@JolietJake (41551)
3 Dec
The question that pops to mind is why the hell are you letting yourself be a 'side chick'?
• United States
3 Dec
The answer is guys just aren't honest. My experience leads me to believe that 9 to 10 lie about having relations with anyone else.
@JolietJake (41551)
3 Dec
@stacysdeadright 'Guys aren't honest' is just a cop-out, really. You must be letting yourself be 'hid' if you stay in a relationship like that.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Dec
@JolietJake I kind of came up in the hook up generation. I've gotten used to men wanting to fool around before we call it anything serious. I don't put out often but even the constant texting, the boyfriend like gestures without actually being my boyfriend, always makes me think we're going somewhere with it. Before I know it I'm slapped with the truth. It's like a game to " some men".
@sharon6345 (102162)
• United States
3 Dec
Oh poor thing you will be ok. In time you will stop letting that happen. But no one can change it but you. Once you do that it will be ok. I think you do have one thing I can't agree with. I think you can care for more than one person. I sure do right now. But I love one so much that there would not be a chance of me hurting him in a way he could not forgive. So I am careful to keep my distance and no one is disrespecting my B. so that is out. I hope you find a solution soon.
• United States
3 Dec
I really want to stop letting it happen, it just seems like almost every guy who approaches me ( I never approach them) is almost always dealing with other women. Most times I found out that neither of us women who are dealing with that same person unknowingly, actually mean anything to them. They seem to lie to all of us, as if none of us are exclusive with them, yet they lie to us as if we are. I just don't understand why guys can't be honest. I've even considered having an open relationship as long as my partner is honest. I just feel like I'm not going to accept any advances for a while.