All Because Of Jealousy, Ugh!

@bluesa (13538)
Johannesburg, South Africa
December 8, 2017 4:57am CST
I am just shocked to my core today and disappointed. Because of jealousy a male friend of mine was destroying my friendships with other male friends of mine. He told them that I didn't really consider them friends and I was talking about them behind their backs with him, that I didn't care about them or their issues. Luckily one of my other friends that he underestimated approached me this morning and told me this. I phoned this friend of mine and asked him if he had been doing this. After much lame excuses, he admitted he had. That he didn't like that I have other male friends. I am sickened by this. I am also so disappointed in my other "friends" though. I would never be like that, when someone is my friend, I care about them, I genuinely care, and if I have an issue with a friend I will tell them straight that I have an issue with them, I will not go behind their backs! They should have known that, but instead  I have been explaining this the whole morning, though they really should have known he was lying. Suffice to say, he has lost my friendship. I have told him to stay away from me, and to please never contact me again. I don't understand how people can be so pathetic that they would want to destroy friendships because they want a person all to themselves. Have you had someone like that in your life?
19 people like this
21 responses
@Kandae11 (38652)
8 Dec
I am sure I have - there have been times in the past when acquaintances have suddenly given me the cold shoulder and I wondered why. I wasn't real friends with those persons to seek an explanation - so I let it go. I had my own circle of friends anyway.
4 people like this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
Looks like you have, because that was what was happening, that sudden cold shoulder. I also have friends aside from these, but if I consider someone a friend, they matter to me, even if I have quite a few friends.
3 people like this
@sw8sincere (4671)
• Philippines
8 Dec
I supposed your male friend likes you more than just a friend for him to be so jealous which came to a point that he made up stories which could ruin your friendship to your other male friends.
3 people like this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
I suppose so, but it shows that he was very underhanded and not at all to be trusted.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Dec
@bluesa Well, I guess you made a good idea when you ditched him. He is selfish and what he did doesn't deserve to be respected.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (79946)
• United States
8 Dec
He sounds overly possessive and immature. I'm so sorry he did this to you, and your true friend was kind enough to tell you. I had a boyfriend that was overwhelmingly possessive. He followed me wherever I went and drove by my house and up and down the streets looking for me. When I broke up with him, he had a nervous breakdown.
2 people like this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
9 Dec
Thank you, I am so disgusted. Sorry you had someone like that in your life, how nerve wrecking for you. Thank goodness you broke up with him, he was definitely unstable.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (79946)
• United States
10 Dec
@bluesa I don't blame you for being disgusted. My old boyfriend had his father call me to try and change my mind!!! I've since seen him here and there over the years. He still follows me around at functions and chats with my husband. Go figure? Men!
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
12 Dec
@DianneN oh my, how odd. I second your "Men!"
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (19856)
• Canada
8 Dec
It's a control thing. It starts small. It is usually an indicator of an abusive relationship. You are well advised to remove this toxic person from your life.
2 people like this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
I realise that he thought he owned me. I have clearly told him to never contact me again.
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (19856)
• Canada
8 Dec
@bluesa hopefully he will respect your wishes. If not be sure to look into your legal recourse. People with that mentality have no scruples when it comes to boundaries.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
@Morleyhunt, thank you, I hope so too, otherwise I will definitely go to the authorities.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (18475)
• United States
8 Dec
Oh that is so sad. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Even if it's a romantic partner that is a very unhealthy way of dealing with a friend, by lying about them. He has serious issues. Good for you in cutting him loose!
2 people like this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
9 Dec
Thanks, this is all so shocking. I will not allow someone like him in my life.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (18475)
• United States
10 Dec
@bluesa Yes, that is toxic and shocking
1 person likes this
• New Delhi, India
8 Dec
Jealousy is really very common. We need to be careful
2 people like this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
I never expected such behaviour from him. I will be more careful from now on.
1 person likes this
• New Delhi, India
8 Dec
@bluesa a lesson learned once is a lesson for life.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (30139)
• Canada
8 Dec
He has an obsession Wants sole possession Might use aggression It ends all progression
2 people like this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
9 Dec
Ah, great way of describing him. Agreed.
@sharon6345 (131041)
• United States
8 Dec
There all over the place and true friends would know your heart.
2 people like this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
Yes, I am so disappointed they believed him.
@moffittjc (44001)
• Gainesville, Florida
11 Dec
Was this guy romantically interested in you, or just a friend who wanted your undivided attention? Love can make people do some crazy things sometimes! I mean, not to make excuses for his behavior! lol
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
12 Dec
To me he was just a friend who apparently wanted my undivided attention. Maybe he was romantically interested, either way he had no right to do what he did. Yeah, love, humph.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (44001)
• Gainesville, Florida
15 Dec
@bluesa It's a little obvious he wanted your undivided attention. I'm sure if it was up to him, you would not be allowed to talk to anybody else at all except for him. Yay, what wonderful way to have a relationship with someone! haha
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 Dec
@moffittjc oh yeah, that is obvious and pffft that would have been waaay fun....NOT!
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (12736)
8 Dec
Sounds like an insecure person! Jealousy never does anyone any good....
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
9 Dec
Yes, and I didn't realise he was like this. It certainly doesn't, it is toxic. Agree with the quote.
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (12736)
10 Dec
@bluesa You want friends who trust you, bring out the best in you, someone you can laugh with, a friend should not create drama in your life It is good you moved on
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
12 Dec
@dgobucks226 thank you, I agree
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (21716)
• India
10 Dec
Jealousy is an evil thing if you let it take over. There is no other way with it.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
12 Dec
True, so true, and he is old enough that he should have been able to control that jealousy.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (21716)
• India
12 Dec
@bluesa I learned myself in the nick of time that jealousy can ruin friendships forever. Thank God. Never again.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
13 Dec
@Daljinder , good you did learn and now know to be careful.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Dec
I have had people who have done terrible things, I understand my friend. Good you cut contact with him. I hope eventually your other friends will realize that you would not do this..kudos to the friend that had told you.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
9 Dec
Sorry you have known such people, OT. I am a very straightforward person. I hate not knowing if I have hurt, upset or unintentionally insulted a person, I would rather they tell me straight than get the cold shoulder and wonder each day what I did wrong, feeling awful. So I rather tell a person straight if they have upset me or the friendship is over. And when someone is my friend and I tell them I care about them I really do care about them. I am there for all my friends if at all possible. There was no need for jealousy. He has lost me now. Thank goodness my one friend had the guts to confront me, instead of just believing him.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec
@bluesa Yes you are so genuine my friend..really sorry that you had to come across such a person too.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
11 Dec
@TiarasOceanView , thank you, I know I am not perfect, I have my faults, but this was so disappointing.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (55877)
• Philippines
9 Dec
could it be that man wanted you to be his girlfriend and he was jealous of your other male friends, that is why he got rid of them to you?
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
9 Dec
It could have been the case. But now he has nothing with me.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (55877)
• Philippines
11 Dec
@bluesa hahaha! of course. showing jealousy will not add more to a man's machismo, but it will let his personality die down and left depreciated.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
11 Dec
@ridingbet , true my friend, it shows an ugly side of him
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (51692)
• Philippines
9 Dec
Wow I could never imagine any of my guy pals doing this to me. I know most girl friends are like this but not my male friends. It's really disappointing when someone does that to you and much more disappointing when your so called friends would believe the made up story. I'm so sorry. You deserve a much better friend.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
9 Dec
I am almost as disappointed in them as I am in him. I could not believe it at first, from a supposed man. Thank you. I have told him to stay out of my life.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (51692)
• Philippines
10 Dec
@bluesa you did the right thing. You don’t have to stick with that kind of person.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
12 Dec
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (25145)
• Aurora, Missouri
8 Dec
I am so sorry this has happened to you, Cat! Some people just don't understand that we are capable of loving more than one person at a time. No friend ever did that to me, but my first wife did everything she could think of to separate me from my friends and family. She didn't want me to have any kind of support base. I simply didn't and don't understand such behavior.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
8 Dec
Thank you, DE. I am so deeply disturbed by all this. I am there for any friend that needs me. There was no need for jealousy. I am so sorry your first wife was like that, that is scary. I will never understand behaviour like this either. Cutting a person off from others so you feel you can own them. It's sick.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (25145)
• Aurora, Missouri
11 Dec
@bluesa I understand. You do always make yourself available when a friend needs help, Cat. Everyone can tell that about you. At the time my first wife was doing that, I didn't understand. Now, I know that is one of the signs of an abusive partner. I am well rid of her.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
13 Dec
@DaddyEvil, thanks, I try. Yes, you are well rid of her, just sorry she put you through that.
@BelleStarr (39058)
• United States
29 Dec
I once had a very possessive and almost stalker boyfriend who wouldn't take no for an answer and had his friends call me saying he would kill himself if I broke up with him. Well I did and he didn't so after that he drove by my house and my school for several years.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
3 Jan
Oh no, that is so creepy! Sorry that happened to you, Iz. I just don't understand some men.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (10043)
• Malaysia
12 Dec
Sorry to hear about what happened. I can't understand why he would want to do that, but at least now you know his true character.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
13 Dec
Thank you. It was jealousy and wanting to believe he owned me. Thank goodness I found out.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (37115)
• United States
10 Dec
That seems almost sick to me that he was so jealous of you having other male friends that he would lie like that. Glad you will no longer be around him. That is extremely controlling his behavior.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
12 Dec
Yes, how creepy. Thanks, nobody owns me, he will now realise that.
1 person likes this
@just4him (120556)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
8 Dec
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No, I haven't had any friendships like that.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
9 Dec
Thank you. It is good you have not had a friend like this. Can't understand someone like this.
1 person likes this
@paigea (22420)
• Canada
8 Dec
That really sounds frustrating. Glad you dealt with it! Good for you.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (13538)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
9 Dec
It has been frustrating trying to fight his lies. Thank you!
1 person likes this