It's all about the money.

By Bhem
@JustBhem (32178)
Davao, Philippines
December 18, 2017 10:31am CST
As much as possible I don't want to argue when it comes to money matters because it will give us no good. But sometimes I have enough. One time I ask the boyfriend about how are we going to buy stuff for our Christmas. I thought he didn't hear it so I ask him again. But instead of giving me answers, he said sarcastically - Why are you asking for money? And I was like in the middle of a hot seat and I don't know how to respond. I really don't know if he is having a bad day or not because when we left the house he was in a good mood. So I told him, first of all - I did not ask for money because it's your money. If you don't want to do it then just tell me. And I thought we already agree about this and we've been doing this every Christmas. When he borrowed my money I did not ask for anything and supposedly I will buy it something for myself. But since he badly needs it, I gave it to him. It hurts me until now. And I think I will have a sad Christmas. What should I do?
12 people like this
15 responses
@DianneN (76157)
• United States
18 Dec
Money is said to be the root of all evil. I suggest neither of you borrow money from each other and start putting aside money for next year.
8 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
And I think we need to talk things out first too.
4 people like this
@DianneN (76157)
• United States
18 Dec
@JustBhem Communication is very important in every relationship.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
@DianneN Yes, I agree. Conversation is very important.
2 people like this
@rina110383 (24135)
18 Dec
When I'm in a relationship or whenever there is a "prospective" relationship, I make it a point that money matters are settled even before the relationship starts. The guy has to agree that no one borrows money from the other and all expenses for dates are equally shared. It's my way of avoiding financial conflicts in the future. I don't know how to advise you but if I'm in a position, I'll ask him to pay his debt so I could buy the thing/s needed for Christmas.
6 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
How I wish I have that kind of thoughts before. But we already agreed that what is mine is for him and what's for him is mine. So that means we need to share our money. And I really don't know this time. Maybe because he was thinking of our loan and that we need to pay them before the year ends.
4 people like this
@JWMURP (51)
19 Dec
Good planning.
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (12851)
• Malaysia
18 Dec
He must had a bad day. Don't be so sad. Tell him that you thought he didn't hear you. If money is troubling him, tell him to discuss with you.
5 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec
Yes, we are going to talk things first. Thanks.
@JWMURP (51)
19 Dec
Money needs to be discussed,,,not be hurtful.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec
@JWMURP I agree,,
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (35967)
18 Dec
If it is something the two of you do every year - plan how much you will be spending for Christmas - then why is he making a fuss this year?
5 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
And that is the question I keep thinking. We are doing this every Christmas, buying stuff for his godchild. I really don't know what's going on.
2 people like this
@JWMURP (51)
19 Dec
Good advice.
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (43671)
• East Tawas, Michigan
18 Dec
A lot of men are very possessive of their money. Women are more caring and willing to share. Men like to spend their money on themselves, women like to give gifts, to other people. Why don't you start making some handmade gifts? Others would be so happy to receive them, and you'd be happy to give them as gifts!
4 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
And I believe all of this. I think I will do that. I still have plenty of cards here. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (43671)
• East Tawas, Michigan
18 Dec
@JustBhem And Christmas isn't about the gifts we buy. It's about our heart attitude, towards other! Love being poured out, on people we really care about:)
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
@kobesbuddy This is very touching. Yes. I think we need to talk things out.
1 person likes this
@nomus24g (22196)
• India
18 Dec
If you guys have good understanding, then dont think much into what is said...as at times due to various issues, people tend to take different meaning of simple things meant/said...
4 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
And I was thinking about that too, I think we need to talk about it.
2 people like this
@nomus24g (22196)
• India
18 Dec
@JustBhem yes, best way to resolve things is to talk and not keep anything inside assuming
3 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
@nomus24g Yes, I will do that. Thanks for your advice.
2 people like this
@amadeo (63975)
• United States
18 Dec
Not sure how to answer this.But taking this wrong.You should not feel sad if you can not afford it. Christmas is love,the gift is your family.Think about it
4 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
But this has been our tradition, giving is a blessing. I think we need to talk this out, right?
@amadeo (63975)
• United States
18 Dec
@JustBhem I guess so.
@JWMURP (51)
19 Dec
I AGREE.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Dec
It’s a hard position to be in. I’d always want to talk it out and find the root cause. But he could have been in a bad mood too? Not quite sure! When my fiancé and I got in our relationship it was mutual from the start. Well minus the first couple months he kept paying but I decided to tell them I’m capable of paying as well. Now, we have an joint account where we share our expenses together. We both set aside money to pay bills, go out, shopping, etc. It works out!
3 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
We already agreed with what he has is mine and what mine is his. So that means, if I have money it is ours, and if he has money it is ours. And we never have issues about that because we always give each other. But recently is something and it bothers me. I think he wants to save because of the loan we have.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Dec
@JustBhem Yes, that's how we think of it as well. He may be caution with the loan if that is the case. You should talk to him about it - like the budget. See if it's bothering him and since every year you do this tradition of buying for the kids maybe buy some gifts and make goody bags as another gift to lower the cost.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec
@infatuatedbby I was thinking about it already. This time we are going to lessen our budget when it comes to buying gifts. But he never says anything to me about his plans so how would I know if it's okay with him.
2 people like this
@Courtlynn (64336)
• United States
18 Dec
My bf and I have had the same arguement. Ugh.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec
Oh, and how did you handle it, Courtney?
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (64336)
• United States
19 Dec
@JustBhem fought then made up
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec
@Courtlynn Do you think it will work that way?
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35025)
• United States
30 Dec
I would be thinking that the 2 of you take time to sit down together and discuss where this Relationship is heading or is it time to move on? Something is not sounding right when all of a sudden they are not interested in things being done for Christmas like before.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
1 Jan
I understand that we haven't seriously discussed it over and how I really wanted to talk about it with him.
@lady1993 (16834)
• Philippines
19 Dec
he mas just be having a bad day.. but it is good if you have a talk about it.. a calm one
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec
Yes, I did not talk to him today but he promises me he will make it up to me.
@JudyEv (121176)
• Bunbury, Australia
19 Dec
It is a shame he said that when every year it seems you do much the same thing.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec
Yes, that's why I am upset about it.
1 person likes this
@stapllotik (1013)
• India
19 Dec
Try rephrasing the questions, like, what is our Christmas plans?
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec
Hmm. Okay, I will try this.
• Philippines
19 Dec
see. i'm the same with my hubby.maybe just tell youre bf youre only asking question. its sad to have misunderstanding this christmas. oh well.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec
Well, I think we need to talk things out about it.
@JWMURP (51)
19 Dec
I think cost of gifts is much too important, rather than the birth of Jesus. I am sorry for your difficulties.
@JustBhem (32178)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec
It's not like that. Of course, it is the moment for giving and sharing your blessings and it just not about the birth of Jesus, it's more of everything in one in the name of Jesus.