Let's Talk About Winter in Florida

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As a follow up to providing hurricane updates to all of my friends on myLot and outside of Florida (back in September), I thought it would be entirely appropriate to provide an update on the cold weather that has affected Florida this past week. While those of us that live in Florida expect no sympathy from those in the Northeast (or other parts of the US experiencing freezing temperatures), it is worthy of sharing with you what it is like to experience cold weather with people who either have never experienced it, or have experienced it but moved here to get away from it. I feel as though I am qualified to write on this topic, for the following 3 reasons: 1. I spent three months living in Barrow, Alaska, the northernmost city in the US and well above the Arctic Circle. 2. I spent 2 years living on a mountaintop in Colorado, at an elevation of 12,000 feet, which in my opinion was the coldest place on earth. 3. I am complaining and moaning about the weather, just like everyone else that I am about to describe below. The first thing you need to know is that the only thing people have spoken about this past week is the fact that it has been cold here in Florida. That’s it. Nothing else. Kids have been neglected, dogs have not been walked, and cats have not been fed, because it has consumed the lives of every Floridian in the state. If you conduct any business in Florida from out of state, my guess is your calls and emails have been unreturned, and if they have, 100% of them have a reference to the weather. No conversation has been had that doesn’t revolve around the weather, and no conversation will be had this week that doesn’t concern the weather from last week. The difference between the hurricane and the cold weather is that for the most part, there are strategies that should be followed in order to survive a hurricane. With the cold weather, you would think that no one has ever seen a thermometer that has dropped below 65 degrees (18C). And for most Floridians, they truly have never seen a thermometer drop below 65 degrees. People do not know what to do with themselves. They are bringing out jackets that are either too big, too small, out of fashion or simply don’t know how to actually button or zipper it. Most don't own anything thicker than a sweatshirt. They don’t seem to know how to turn on the heat in their homes, or it hasn’t been turned on in so long that is gives off an odor that makes people think that the house will go up in flames. The only thing I have seen improve is my Chinese neighbor’s English, when I overheard her say “It’s cold out here, I’m freezing my F’n a$$ off”. During this time however, I have found some new people who I hate (envy), again, just for the time being, similar to those people who had hurricane shutters for their windows – and those are the people who have fireplaces in Florida. I look at you as you stay warm in your home with no blankets, hats or sweatshirts, just marshmallows to roast - and I get bitter because I refuse to even turn on the heat in my home. I make my girlfriend and kids suffer because I consider it wrong to have to use anything other than the A/C. My guess is the people who own fireplaces in Florida are the same people that have hurricane shutters for their windows. Bas-turds. The only good thing about this weather is the fact that it didn't snow here in Florida. Oh, wait...it did! Dammit! You know what I love about snow? Not a darn thing. That's why I live in Florida! Oh, and one other good thing about the weather. Our one week of winter here in Florida is now over, and we will be back to our normal tropical warmth and sunshine this week. So all you northerners can just suck it! Haha, just kidding, I love all of you!