Unholy matrimony - 2

@vandana7 (67699)
India
January 18, 2018 11:45pm CST
Case 2 - Love marriage My househelp's grand daughter underwent training as a beautician. She started earning about Rs.15,000/- (approximately $240) per month, which is decent income and enough for a person out here, if he or she is not into very high standard of living. Then came this good looking guy. He had a job back then. Soon they were in love, and she eloped to get married since her parents were particular about caste. Two years later, with a baby girl now, the husband left his job, and wants her to work and feed him. He steals from home, has no job, and beats her up when she does not surrender her debit card. He made her lose her job by calling up her boss and clients talking nonsense declaring her as not decent person. He tried to kill her and their daughter when she left him, and filed for divorce. Day before yesterday, the judge asked her to return to her husband and said it is your fate, you chose to marry him, if he does not want to work, so be it, you feed him. Give him your credit cards, and matter is over. I am at a loss as to how a Judge can be so heartless. May be he was frustrated with such cases, and thought of them all in same vein. Maybe something similar happened around his home. She has paid Rs.30,000/- to lawyers so far only to hear judge talk like that. The case is deferred for next month. My take on this. I have none. This was not supposed to happen. It happened or rather it is happening. It is always a risk for Indian girl, to marry or not to marry.
5 people like this
7 responses
@Daljinder (22183)
• India
19 Jan
Was this said by the judge during the hearing? Or was it the judgement? If it was said in the hearing then he might have been scolding the girl for being foolish in the first place. And you know, not wanting to make this Hindu vis a vis Sikh thingy but I have noticed that in Hindu families, girls must marry by a certain age. I haven't seen such thing in Sikhs. Well not in my relations immediate or distant alike. Peeps are cool with girls. If they wanna study then cool and if they aren't studying then they will look for grooms. I am not under pressure still at this age to marry. Sure it is a topic of conversations but my family isn't ready to just throw me off to the first guy they come upon. Even my divorced cousin who is only a year older than me is not under pressure. In fact, none of my cousins barring one (who wanted to get married early. She was 22/23 I think) has been married until they were in the late twenties. Dowry is not even a thought. In fact, the most common thing you will hear from boy's family is that they will have the bride in a just a pair of clothes. Nothing else! Not to mention the stigma of being divorced is harsher for Hindu girls than in Sikh girls. Oh did I mention that Sikhs girls/ guys get support from the community in case of trouble while Hindu girls don't? Remember my friend I told you about with abuse and homicide case? Yep! No support from the community.
2 people like this
@Daljinder (22183)
• India
26 Jan
@vandana7 I don't think Hinduism has advanced rather regressed. Sanatan Dharam was what it really was and should have remained so. This "Hinduism" is mish mash, legends, corruption, changes good or bad all stuffed into the term "Hinduism" That sort of hypocrisy in the family is common at least on some level in all families. Sometimes it is glaringly obvious and sometimes very subtle that you may not even notice. I don't people are just conditioned in such a way that they have started to believe the wrongs as truths. Like with your aunt. It doesn't help that the person themselves is selfish. All the more joy to handle I guess.
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (10328)
• India
22 Mar
@Daljinder Hinduism has good values and things in scriptures but I am sorry to say that in reality, people are doing things that can't be said to be righteous or moral. And this holds for all religions. For most, fame, money and power is their religion. Torturing others for their benefit or sadistic pleasure is a common thing.
1 person likes this
@topffer (36127)
• Svalbard And Jan Mayen
19 Jan
I am asking myself if this judge has not only done his job. I should read your laws and I have not the courage to do it. Here when a divorce occurs it is mandatory for a judge to try to reconcile the spouses first, it is only when they refuse that he can pronounce the divorce. Maybe this judge just did the same attempt. If she has not joined her husband next month he will continue the procedure.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (67699)
• India
19 Jan
I would think the judge would be asking the guy to take up a job if he was doing the "reconciliation" effort, and not be asking the girl to surrender debit card so that the guy can womanize and gamble, stressing out the working woman so that she does not have enough for the baby girl. As a parent, she can skip her meals perhaps, but 15000 - 5000 for rent, 1000 for her transport, 1000 for utilities and gas, leaves very little for food and baby's things - she truly did not have surplus for him to be asking for credit card or debit card. And oh, the guy was with another woman, at least that is what was told to us. I gave her a very nice and expensive dress as marriage gift, and he gave it away to that other woman! So I am inclined to believe that what she said is true. And yes, he called us up including my neighbors telling us that grandmother was breaking down the marriage by not allowing him to spend monies. Together for 2 years, you would think she would have saved enough had his contribution been there. I saw her bank passbooks, there was virtually nothing in that period. Living with grandmother, she saves on rent, so she has managed to save some, which has gone to lawyer.
2 people like this
@topffer (36127)
• Svalbard And Jan Mayen
19 Jan
@vandana7 The way the judge did is perhaps the best way to not reach a reconciliation. The guy could have promised to get a job... The problem is that if he is not working I do not see how he will be able to give some alimony for the baby.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (67699)
• India
19 Jan
@topffer You obviously do not understand the situation out here. I had a colleague, who was obviously from rich family and far more educated than this girl. She had a baby girl. The guy even took them to middle east, and there were beautiful pictures of the family. I worked with her for two years, and at the time, her daughter was about 3 years old (in the beginning), by the time she was 5 the father wanted to divorce because he had found another person. He threatened to spread rumors about my colleague and refused to pay any alimony. The guy who took the little girl on boat, did not love her enough! Very hard to believe you know! I mean, there was a day my colleague forgot her expensive watch in the office, and I somehow managed to get her number, thinking she'd be worried, and so I called her up, she was traveling, and the call was routed to her husband. If a person does not love his wife, how can the calls be routed to him? Not a penny for my colleague and nothing for the child. My friend's father said don't drag it to the court, what you will spend running around, losing your health, time, and in the process career is all that you will get if at all, from that man. So an educated divorcee gets nothing! You are talking of uneducated divorcee. lol He pressed her neck trying to strangle her, and threatened to throw the daughter down from upper floor. That is when she gave the debit card, let him go, packed whatever she could before he returned, picked the child and returned to her grandmother. She did not want to risk the life of her child for money. On returning, family helped to block that card. And that is why he is annoyed with her, calling me up, calling my neighbors, talking nonsense about my maid preventing her granddaughter from doing her conjugal duties.
2 people like this
@stapllotik (1218)
• India
27 Jan
What kind of judge is that ? He has violated the indian constitutional rights for woman and domestic violence act 2005. This Act gives the right to the wife to file a petition against her husband or relatives of the husband in case of violation of her rights or if any harm is done to her, whether physical, mental or emotional. Please help her vanny.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (67699)
• India
27 Jan
I am trying to help in other case. My advocate said he would try to find out, but so far he has not reverted to me. That surely is atrocious statement coming from the Judge. But I am inclined to believe that it was uttered out of frustration.
1 person likes this
@ptrikha_2 (10328)
• India
22 Mar
@vandana7 may be out of some bias rather than frustration!
@Srbageldog (8244)
• United States
19 Jan
It is horrible that women must suffer this type of fate. When will things change in India? Women should not be treated as second class citizens. It frustrates me when American women complain about oppression. No, we are not oppressed. We have choices and the law protecting us. Indian women, and women in many other countries, do not have these things.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (67699)
• India
19 Jan
The only thing we have is a right to vote. We vote for people who are not going to do a thing for us.
2 people like this
@slothgurl (573)
• Enumclaw, Washington
19 Jan
That is very sad, and I agree, a heartless judge.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (67699)
• India
19 Jan
I have asked her to record the statements so that we can get the judge thrown out. But I was surprised when he said, you die, or kill your husband. That indicated the judge had come across too many similar cases, and it was absolutely frustrating to resolve each one of them.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan
I have heard Indian traditions are really hard to divorce, but did not know they're enforced until 2018 century! That is ridiculous and crazy. He is a big harm, threaten to kill her and their daughter + isn't he supposed to be the provider? I cannot believe that judge! I hope all goes well.
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (10328)
• India
22 Mar
The judge could have been influenced in this case or may be having a preconceived bias. Else why ask her to live with such a man?