Threshold for not being nice, and beyond...

@vandana7 (63522)
India
January 26, 2018 9:23am CST
This is my second post today on "not being nice" always ..I don't know what got into me to be the devil's advocate but here I am. So well, what is your threshold to say...somebody borrows monies from you, makes you run about for them, and eventually you bombard (I do). Just asking would you be inclined to take it in your stride, if what is due to you is not given to you, would you stand up for it, are all such battles worth it, do you have problems in asking from people whom you know well, do you have problems in refusing people whom you know well, and would you be angry if they did not return the monies or delayed the monies, and would you yell at them, and would you follow up with them, and finally WHEN WOULD IT BE NICE AND WHEN WOULD IT NOT BE NICE. LOL
16 people like this
12 responses
@Kandae11 (35969)
26 Jan
There is a saying - "never a borrower or a lender be" - of course one can never say never. I would lend to someone in need - if I had it. I won't lend to someone who is already well off and wants the money for something which I think is unnecessary - I would feel like I am being used. If the borrower is in a position to repay - he or she will have to, I won't just let it go.
7 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
My attitude. In this case, I did not lend, my father did. He loaned my money so to speak. Broke a few plates demanding monies from me, and I gave in since he is an old man and I did not want to lose him to some stroke. The guy was to return in two months, he did not return in three years. Dad was following up everyday and not getting any reply. Then I saw his picture in whatsup in expensive restaurant. Showed dad, this is the man you were pitying. Dad said you follow up. Within a couple of months I have streamlined everything. Now the guy is terrified of me. lol. But then we have to be nasty with shrewd ones.
4 people like this
@Kandae11 (35969)
26 Jan
@vandana7 Don't give him any peace until you get it.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
@Kandae11 Yeah..he is repaying..slowly but surely. He has realized I can easily take him to the court and won't hesitate in exercising those rights. Even called up his bank. He has been quietly paying since then. If the banker realizes he has been borrowing outside, bank will not loan monies to him. So he will repay my monies alright. lol
3 people like this
@Corbin5 (102611)
• United States
26 Jan
I have given money, but I have never lent money to anyone. That method makes for no arguments.
4 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
It works differently here. Like the disparity in financial status is too much. My maid for example does not have a home. She pays almost 90 dollars per month on rent and power bills. There is little saving if you consider her total earning is only about 150 dollars or so. If she needs some monies as she borrowed last year for her grandson's cancer treatment (we do not have medicare), we have to spare. The amounts are not small either. Agreed it is interest free, but that is the only concession I can offer her. Likewise, the laundrywoman borrowed substantial amount to pay for her daughter's marriage. I did not want to give her because what she was going to do was illegal. But being unmarried carries a stigma and invites wrong and hurtful remarks such as ..you don't want this marriage because you are jealous. So I gave, and she is slowly repaying it. Milkman is another person. These are people from weaker economic background. There are others who borrow who are well off. They are the dangerous folks.
3 people like this
@Corbin5 (102611)
• United States
26 Jan
@vandana7 Yes, the situations in which people borrow money do work differently in your area.
3 people like this
• India
26 Jan
I used to lend money but then it's very tough to get that back
4 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
Yes, it is tough ask. In my case, my father is great at giving. Then he does the hands up, and I have to do the dirty job. lol. It is one thing if he does it with me. He helps another aunt, and there are such monetary delays in her finances as well. She does get worked up, and that must disturb her BP. Dad is like watch cricket and tennis, while that aunt would be fuming. lol
3 people like this
@prashu228 (25821)
• India
26 Jan
we cannot yell at them if we know them from years , atleast thats what is happening with us. There is one family ,they borrowed some money while constructing their house , so my mother out of all the love , gave some 25thousand without any interest , They said they will return in six months , its been some two years but no money till now, when ever my mother go to their house they say we are returning soon but did not happen till now. The boys father said if his son is not giving he is going to return it as he applied for some loan , and the sisters say they will , but none of them did anything till now. I literally loose my patience when i hear all the stories they say, but cannot say anything ..
3 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
Here are my rules that I suggest you follow... If you lend in the above said manner, always pay by check. Take a promissory note and a check for the principle, and checks for interest for the period. Never...I REPEAT never give monies for reasons like that as interest free loan. The same party will borrow n number of times and will become lifetime headache. Not only they, their children will also do that. Always quote high interest so that people who are borrowing decide against it. If they borrow make sure that checks and promissory notes and interest checks are with you. Do not let them fill the dates on the checks or even amounts as checks can be dishonored and dishonor charges are high. Finally, remember promissory note validity is only 3 years from the date of execution. Therefore, renew it before the validity expires. In the present scenario, I am afraid I cannot help. I can only prevent future problems. Wait a second, was the money given in check? How old is your mom?
2 people like this
@prashu228 (25821)
• India
27 Jan
@vandana7 No not in check, its just given to help them in time of need as we know them from years, no check, no notes, no interest nothing.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
27 Jan
@prashu228 Then you can kiss it goodbye.
2 people like this
@Gillygirl (17277)
• Sutton, England
26 Jan
I haven't been in this situation. The only person I've lent money to is my daughter. I always got it back. I guess I'd chase them with me shotgun.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
LOL..you'd better make it without bullets.
2 people like this
@Gillygirl (17277)
• Sutton, England
26 Jan
@vandana7 May be rubber bullets lol.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
@Gillygirl Thank god you are in English. An American would sue you even for that. lol
2 people like this
@jstory07 (65898)
• Roseburg, Oregon
27 Jan
I do not loan people money. If they really need something I will buy it for them.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
27 Jan
How can you buy entire cancer treatment for a househelp's grandson? Blink. Or a laundry woman's daughter's dowry...lol. Somethings cannot be avoided out here because there is no social security to fall back upon.
1 person likes this
@fly802 (1514)
27 Jan
I haven't been in that problem because whatever happens I never like to lend money.I would prefer starving than lending money.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
28 Jan
Lending is not always for earning from it. lol. Sometimes some favor is taken or anticipated. For example I am old and might die. I would need somebody to take my parent to hospital help him with his insurances and hospital bills. We have no medicare and social security forcing us to resort to a different way.
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (7872)
• India
4 Feb
@vandana7 let us see if the new budget announcement regarding healthcare insurance for people below a threshold makes any difference?
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (7872)
• India
5 Feb
@vandana7 well yes, for many of lower classes, family planning is an alien concept. Kids don't generally study beyond 10th and girls are discriminated and many girls are not even 8th pass. It's a very sorry state and state and central governments appease them for votes.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jan
i just read some of the comments here, so theres a guy who havent paid youre dad yet but you saw him eating in an expensive restaurant? maybe just someone invited him there to eat. but i think you just have to ask him to pay his debt in a nice way that he has to understand
2 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
27 Jan
Nice way was tried by dad for 3 years. He was to repay in two months. That is patience. Second thing...I did ask him what he was doing in that place, and he said his son had come from hostel so they were having a family gathering. And he asked can't I enjoy even that much? My dad is 80+, I couldn't buy him the desired medical insurance because this man had held back the monies. Which is the priority? And had I had that money, which is technically mine, I could have taken dad to those restaurants. We hardly eat out, leave alone go to expensive restaurants. So yes, it pinched. Those who owe others should be prompt in repaying before indulging in expensive habits. There is no need to be nice with such folks. In any event, I threatened to call his banks so that credit limits for his business are squeezed. He became prompt in repaying the monies in installment. That means he was only taking liberties.
2 people like this
• Philippines
27 Jan
@vandana7 ok then yes you need to do such actions now if he was already given a 2mos allowance yet he still didnt
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (7872)
• India
4 Feb
@vandana7 well many in India don't respond to nice reminders.
1 person likes this
@rebelann (39549)
• El Paso, Texas
26 Jan
My dad always told us kids never to borrow money from friends nor let them borrow from us so I don't do either. However I do have a friend who allowed me to use her car to go back and forth to work while mine was being repaired, she thought it was no big deal but to me that was a huge deal. I have no idea how I can ever repay her but I try.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
Oh I perfectly agree with that feeling of obligation. That is why I try to return it immediately. One advantage is we don't have to remember small obligations, which can be quite a few out here. Second advantage is, we can be honest friends instead of saying yes she is right when she is wrong.
2 people like this
@rebelann (39549)
• El Paso, Texas
26 Jan
Oh yeah, that's true @vandana7 she actually offered to let me borrow her car, the idea hadn't even crossed my mind but I am grateful she did. I don't know how to repay that kind of kindness, I've tried on various occasions just to buy things for her and her hubby but she keeps trying to pay me which I keep telling her no and she hates to listen, stubborn old woman ...... yeah, I can say that even though she is younger than I.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (39039)
• Germany
26 Jan
I'd like to add my point of view but this is outside my field of experience. Nobody has asked me yet to lend them money and I haven't asked anyone if I could borrow some.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
I am kind of surprised that in the West lending and borrowing is virtually non existent. Out here, it is fairly common. Everybody lends or borrows out here. I took home loans but they are not from individuals so its a different issue. But dad loaned some monies to my tenants and some others. My maid borrowed for her grandson's treatment, her pilgrimage, then milkman borrowed to get his gold out from a place where he was paying heavy interest, then laundry woman borrowed to pay dowry for her daughter. I have loaned to a guy with a condition that if I die, he will take charge of taking dad to the hospitals as and when needed and keep track of his well being. We do not have social security so we have to find alternate ways.
2 people like this
@MALUSE (39039)
• Germany
26 Jan
@vandana7 Well, we do have social security.
2 people like this
@Srbageldog (8350)
• United States
27 Jan
I don't loan money to anyone but family (and by family I mean my siblings.) But, even then I know that there's a chance I won't ever be repaid. I usually just let it go because it's not worth a family rift, but, if it was a large amount that they owed, it would probably be a different matter.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
28 Jan
Yes...that happens, does it not? It is to stop such borrowings I opted for home loans.
2 people like this
26 Jan
I am not one to lend a lot of money so I don't find myself worried about such a thing. But when I have lent money I would always ask when I should expect repayment. If they do not keep their word, than I don't ask again. If this person cared enough about our friendship, they would come to me and explain if there was a problem. There is a scene in a movie that I thought described this scenario perfectly where a kid borrows $20 from another kid and the wiser older man says something to the effect ... that it's better you found out now about this person's character you lent the money to. It only cost you $20 to get rid of this guy.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (63522)
• India
26 Jan
That is how I see it too! Person should be judged with small amounts, and that amount should never be increased even after knowing the honest or dishonest nature of the person.
2 people like this