Apparently I'm a "Gentleman"

United States
February 14, 2018 12:41am CST
Earlier my sister and I went to the library, and as we were going in the building a man was on his way out, so I held the door for him. His response was "It's okay ma'am, thank you I've got it ma'am. Thank you for being a gentleman." He was a foreign guy -- perhaps from India or Pakistan -- and he laughed when he said this. I'm not sure if he was being sincere (and maybe used the wrong word) or if he was mocking me for holding the door for him. Perhaps that's not something that's considered appropriate for a woman to do for a man in his culture; I really have no clue. I've noticed over the years that some men get highly offended if you hold the door for them, like it somehow emasculates them to have a woman hold the door open for them. I hold the door for anyone and everyone if they are behind me. To me this is just common courtesy. It would be rude to let it slam shut in their face. If that makes me a "gentleman," then whatever. I just call it being polite!
12 people like this
12 responses
@LadyDuck (176324)
• Switzerland
14 Feb
It's a matter of culture, women do not hold door for men, it's a matter of etiquette not the fact that men feel "emasculated", it is something women do not do.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Feb
Older (American) men can be very rude if a woman holds the door open for them, which is why I think they feel it somehow emasculates them. Younger men are usually not rude about it and just say "thanks."
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (176324)
• Switzerland
14 Feb
@Srbageldog In Europe women expect that men hold the door for them. Men open the door themselves. I would not let the door hit the nose of someone, but I would not step aside to keep a door open for a man for sure.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Feb
@LadyDuck Americans are supposed to have gender equality. It has never occurred to me not to hold the door open for a man. Interesting how different cultures are at times.
2 people like this
@Daljinder (22173)
• India
21 Feb
It hasn't occurred to me to not hold the door open because of the gender. I will specifically hold it open for elderly people and even give them a hand. It is something that you do out of politeness or just general courtesy. lol People these days! Everything is offensive
2 people like this
• United States
27 Feb
Exactly. Some women will yell at men who hold a door open for them, even though they are just being polite. It's like they look for a reason to be offended.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (22173)
• India
28 Feb
@Srbageldog So true! They just need reason to crib about or else they will have problem in digestion.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (21173)
• India
14 Feb
You are right, he could be from India. In India we are taught that men should hold the door for women and not the other way! Man should wish a women first not other way.In short we are taught to be a Chevalier and respect woman kind! Thanks....dear @Srbageldog ! Have a nice time!
2 people like this
• United States
14 Feb
Thank you for clarifying that! I was just trying to be polite so the door wouldn't slam in his face. I will remember this from now on.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (21173)
• India
14 Feb
I can understand your idea and the consideration for fellow human being which is known as humanity dear @Srbageldog ! It was so nice of you, indeed! But then different countries have different set of code of conduct which are being coming traditionally from one generation to another! Thanks!
1 person likes this
@TRBRocks420 (82664)
• Banks, Oregon
14 Feb
lol yes it was just being nice. I would have just said thanks, but I have also noticed men get offended by this.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Feb
Especially older men!
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (69903)
• Roseburg, Oregon
14 Feb
It is the polite thing to do. I hold the door open for everyone.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Feb
So do I.
• United States
21 Feb
I leave the door open if someone is right behind me also, man or woman - I don't mind. But I do get annoyed if they don't say anything or smile. Then theres times I wish I didn't hold the door.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb
Oh, if they don't have the courtesy to say "thank you," I will yell "You're welcome!" after them. Some people are just rude.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb
@Srbageldog Totally! I ran across more rude people too. I was like GEEZ
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb
@infatuatedbby Rude people are taking over the world.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (45285)
• Gainesville, Florida
18 Feb
I have no issues with a woman holding a door open for me; it's common courtesy, plain and simple. It's no different than if I hold a door open for a woman. I don't get offended at all if a woman holds a door open. We need to get past all these silly cultural rules from our past. These days, woman and men are on equal footing. People just need to learn to start accepting that.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb
Completely agree. It has never once crossed my mind that I shouldn't hold a door for someone because of their gender. I wish people who take issue with it would get past whatever issues they have, because holding a door for someone is not the least bit offensive. It's a polite gesture.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (45285)
• Gainesville, Florida
21 Feb
@Srbageldog I was once called a sexist pig because I held a door open for a woman from up north somewhere (I live in Florida). I told her that in the south we are raised to be polite, and if she didn't like the polite gesture I was making toward her, then she could take her butt back up north! I couldn't believe she was offended by my act of politeness.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Feb
@moffittjc Women like that give feminists a bad name. Just because someone holds a door for you doesn't mean they are sexist or think you are incapable of opening your own door. Geez. I can't stand people like that. I'm glad you told her to take her butt up north! I'm tired of people looking for reasons to be offended.
2 people like this
@Courtlynn (55164)
• United States
27 Feb
I am the same as you, holding it for anyone behind me. As I was raised to do. Maybe it did have to do with where he was from? hmm. Also, I hate when people don't hold doors. ugh.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb
I think many of us were raised this way, it's called having good manners. I am guessing it probably was a cultural difference. We have a large population of Indians and Pakistanis here, and frequently encounter cultural differences. Like in their cultures, women are pretty much second class citizens, and they have to walk behind the men and sometimes the men talk down to them or treat them like dirt (not always, of course, depends on the individuals.) I have seen some men from those cultures try to cut in front of women in stores while standing in line, and I won't tolerate it. Here in the U.S., we have gender equality, and if they don't like it, then they shouldn't have moved here. I also hate when people don't hold doors. Like geez, thanks for letting the door slam in my face!
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (55164)
• United States
28 Feb
@Srbageldog right. And different cultures or not, that's gross to treat women that way. Ugh.
@thelme55 (15059)
• Germany
15 Feb
I do it whatever gender a person behind me. I can't just shut the door behind a persons face unless of course that person is rude to me.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Feb
It is the same way for me. And I understand that immigrants might have different customs, but to me it feels wrong to not hold the door for everyone. I am not going to let the door slam on someone because they are a male from another culture.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (15059)
• Germany
18 Feb
@Srbageldog Very well said. So do I.
• United States
17 Feb
i usually open it if they're old,or their hands are full. cause yea,some people do get a bug up their butt for some reason..
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb
I just thought it was common courtesy to hold the door for everyone if they are right behind me. Apparently not!
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10091)
• Manchester, England
14 Feb
I will always hold a door open for someone whether they be man, woman or child and quite frankly I would expect the same in return from anyone. It's just basic courtesy in my opinion!!
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb
I completely agree!
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5693)
• United States
21 Feb
I'm the same way, I have yet to see anyone be offended by it though. Although during downtown trick or treat here I try to book it when there is a break between kids coming out of stores because you could be holding the door all day, sometimes being polite is tough lol. I do my best to not hold the door when coming out of a store unless it would smack someone in the face because I don't have the time to hold the door for an hour as there is a never-ending stream of kids and parents coming out. At any rate, I could see how that would be offensive in some countries. I just feel the need to be polite. I see girls holding doors open at my son's school all the time too, so I mean it's not that uncommon for a woman to hold the door open here, but there are some rude people. I watched as my son very politely held the door open for a bunch of adults and struggling to do so as it's a lot bigger than him and the adults instead of helping him just continued to walk right through. I guess to some people holding the door isn't a big deal, while to others it is.
1 person likes this