My Worst Ever Computer Dating Experience

photo taken by me - my computer
Preston, England
February 19, 2018 1:03pm CST
Most people I meet seem to have a nightmare story to tell about how a computer dating experience went disastrously wrong. Though I know a few that turned out well, most do not. My own experience was extremely depressing to me. It was in Summer, 1998. I wasn’t actually looking for a computer date. I was talking to online Vampire role playing people, as I have some interest in Gothic vampire culture. A lady I shall call only Kate got talking to me through Yahoo messaging services. We started going more and more into private message boxes instead of staying with the very busy main site. I was in Manchester, England. She was in Austin, Texas. I knew that she had two daughters, and that she planned to visit the UK. I suggested that she come and stay with me which she sounded happy to do. She wrote to me, and even phoned me. At one point, she spent a long time talking to my mother on the phone. I shared a lot of intimate personal details with Kate, more than I even post online. After a time, the date was set for her fortnight visit. I planned out all sorts of things to do, and places to go. I arranged the time off work. I also arranged a big party where she could meet my friends. As she got closer to coming over, I got both excited and apprehensive. She began appearing on the Yahoo message boards under different names and avatars. She seemed to have a variety of aliases. Some she told me about. I suspected that she had others. She was not very upfront about herself. On the day of her flight, she was on the Yahoo service right up to leaving to catch her flight. I should have been elated as it meant she would fly in within ten hours. She didn’t. She had refused to give me her exact flight details. She had not wanted me to see her at the airport, but had planned to arrive at my house. By the end of the night it was apparent that she was not going to arrive. I e-mailed her to ask what was wrong. Instead of replying by e-mail, she phoned me, or rather, her daughter phoned me. She told me first that her Mother was ill and had been rushed to a hospital. I asked what she was ill with and which hospital she had gone to. The daughter declined to tell me what ‘ill’ meant but claimed that she was in a hospital in Scotland. As she was supposed to have flown into Manchester, I realised that moving her to Scotland for taking ill on a flight or at an English airport was ridiculous. I asked the daughter how the Mother had ended up 250 miles off course. She told me that her mother had planned to see someone in Scotland and then come to see me if there was still time before going home. I realised that her story was being made up as I was hearing it. I pointed this out to the daughter, virtually telling her that she was lying, as she seemed unconcerned about her mother being sick enough to be in hospital in a foreign land, hours after flying there, whilst visiting a different person than she had claimed to be visiting. I thought the daughter would hang up on me, but she carried on, telling me that it was just not a nice person. As she did so, her voice changed. She was impersonating her mother, and doing it very well. I suggested to her that her mother was still right there in Texas. The daughter refused to say one way or the other, but she did tell me that on some occasions when I had spoken to the ‘Mother’ I was in fact telling my intimate secrets to the daughter who pretended to be the mother with the Mother’s blessing. The whole thing was a huge joke to them. I’d been polite in listening to and getting to the bottom of all this nonsense, but now I lost my temper, told the girl exactly what I thought of her and her mother, and slammed the phone down. I never heard directly from them again. I watched the vampire chat rooms she haunted for a while for any comments she might make about me, but she avoided talking about me at all. I’m sure she was there in some alias or other. Months later I got an e-mail telling the world abruptly and with no details that she had cancer and asking everyone to pray for her. The message wasn’t sent just to me, but to everyone on her mailing list. I just got it by chance. Some of the other names on the list were her own aliases. I realised she was playing on people again. There was unlikely to be anything wrong with her body, cancerously or otherwise. I was distraught, but my friends rallied round me superbly. The big party I was going to cancel went on anyway – everyone made sure of that. The support I got was wonderful. Suffice to say I have never again tried to date anyone without seeing them eye to eye first again. Arthur Chappell
23 people like this
24 responses
@kobesbuddy (46356)
• East Tawas, Michigan
19 Feb
If you sent her money, that's all she wanted anyway. These are common scams, men are the victims just as often as women. My daughter met Christian, first at a coffee shop in her own town. After chatting over a cup of coffee, they both went home. The minute he laid eyes on my daughter, Christian said 'Nope, she's too darn pretty! There's no way I'll stand a chance, with this lady.' Two years later, they married and are very happy together.
6 people like this
@Susan2015 (20580)
• United States
20 Feb
@kobesbuddy I met Bernie on Match.com.
3 people like this
@kobesbuddy (46356)
• East Tawas, Michigan
20 Feb
@Susan2015 And look at the beautiful results, a marriage made in heaven! :)
3 people like this
@topffer (34130)
• France
19 Feb
Dating a vampire that finally turned to be a Scottish ghost, you are living dangerously ! What they did to you was really unfair and you had the right reaction. At least you knew that you could trust your wonderful friends !
4 people like this
• Preston, England
19 Feb
@topffer I doubt if she wa in scotland - her calls to me were certainly from the US - I expect I got off lightly from her not turning up
2 people like this
@topffer (34130)
• France
19 Feb
@arthurchappell It is also what I think, it is why I called her a ghost. They pushed the prank way too far.
2 people like this
• Preston, England
19 Feb
@topffer yes, it was remarkably cruel and cowardly
2 people like this
@paigea (22199)
• Canada
19 Feb
Well I am glad you carried on with the party and got rid of her easily. I met my husband online 17 years ago. But we lived close and met at a coffee shop. No traveling required.
4 people like this
@1hopefulman (28403)
• Canada
19 Feb
That makes things easier!
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
19 Feb
@paigea glad your dating experience was so positive for you
2 people like this
@paigea (22199)
• Canada
19 Feb
2 people like this
@JohnRoberts (56843)
• Los Angeles, California
19 Feb
A cautionary tale. I have had some bad experiences but nothing that extreme.
4 people like this
@kobesbuddy (46356)
• East Tawas, Michigan
19 Feb
@JohnRoberts What do you mean? I proposed and you said ,'NO WAY!'
4 people like this
@JohnRoberts (56843)
• Los Angeles, California
19 Feb
@kobesbuddy Yeah, after you wanted me to sign up for a life insurance policy.
5 people like this
@kobesbuddy (46356)
• East Tawas, Michigan
19 Feb
@JohnRoberts Yah, O.K. But it was for a measly $100,000 and not a dime more
4 people like this
@1hopefulman (28403)
• Canada
19 Feb
That was one weird person. I met a few people through dating sites and they were all pretty good but I realized that unless it was someone who lived very close I wouldn't get involved again. One should meet the person quickly.
4 people like this
• Preston, England
19 Feb
@1hopefulman yes, an early meet up is best
3 people like this
@indexer (1194)
• Leicester, England
19 Feb
I thought this story was going to end with a request to send a large amount of money to pay for travel or health care - that is how these stories often end.
4 people like this
• Preston, England
19 Feb
@indexer that was probably the plan but it never got that far
1 person likes this
@amadeo (65750)
• United States
19 Feb
Good idea.That is how I feel about this.Then again never been to any and no need to.I found my soul mate I am sure that you will find someone.
4 people like this
• Pamplona, Spain
20 Feb
So sorry you went through all of that. She could at least have told a bit of the truth. I would never meet up with anyone not unless I had seen them first and knew a bit about them. Okay a few dates like that have been known to work but most others not. Pleased you have such good friends.
3 people like this
• Preston, England
21 Feb
@lovinangelsinstead21 thanks, I was lucky compared to many whose dating nightmares I know
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
21 Feb
@arthurchappell You will meet someone when you least expect it. Now a lot of people just like to be friends to start off with. They are becoming more wary than before. ¨That program "First Date" is okay at least you see them face to face.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
22 Feb
@lovinangelsinstead21 not sure if I would want to go on a TV dating show - I do better with relationships growing from friendships for sure
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10106)
• Manchester, England
20 Feb
Well I'm glad your learned from the experience! Unfortunately some people seem to get their kicks from hiding behind various online presences and playing people. Stick to local Northern lasses. You can't go wrong there!!!
3 people like this
• Preston, England
20 Feb
@WorDazza it was a local northern lass who seduced me into a cult so yes you can go wrong with them too lol - maybe I should collect milk bottle tops instead
2 people like this
@WorDazza (10106)
• Manchester, England
20 Feb
@arthurchappell Hmmmm, yeah, maybe give the ladies a wide berth!!! Although i'm sure you would recognise the signs this time if anyone was trying to seduce you into a cult.
2 people like this
• Preston, England
20 Feb
@WorDazza I would now, but sadly much more naive in 1981
2 people like this
@Courage7 (5931)
• United States
20 Feb
Yes it can be deadly dangerous as well to meet anyone She sounds like a real piece of work Sorry this happened to you I had a liar too but mine did not turn out so well..I actually went to meet them ..boy did I learn my lesson The details are too horrifying to put here
3 people like this
• Preston, England
20 Feb
@Courage7 sounds like I got off lightly
2 people like this
@Courage7 (5931)
• United States
20 Feb
@arthurchappell Indeed it was great that it never happened that you had to deal with her
2 people like this
@JESSY3236 (6505)
• United States
20 Feb
That's terrible. I did have a good experience with online dating. I met my fiance online in 1994. We were friends for awhile then became a couple in 1996. I met him in person in 1997.
3 people like this
• Preston, England
20 Feb
@JESSY3236 glad things went ok for you
2 people like this
20 Feb
I wonder what she's up to now. Horrid experience. :(
3 people like this
• Preston, England
20 Feb
@Poppylicious yes, I wonder about her too - hope she isn't pulling similar stunts on others
1 person likes this
@Susan2015 (20580)
• United States
20 Feb
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I met my husband on Match.com. I told him no details about me for a while until I did some research that told me he was who he said he was. I had a few liars on Match too, it was fun to mess with them and trip them up.
3 people like this
• Preston, England
20 Feb
@Susan2015 you did well from the dating services - well done
1 person likes this
@Plethos (10315)
• United States
19 Feb
Yup, thats the internet for you.
3 people like this
• Preston, England
19 Feb
yes indeed @Plethos
2 people like this
@Hannihar (36258)
20 Feb
What an experience you had.
3 people like this
• Philippines
20 Feb
im sorry that you met a fake like her. mostly people online like to make fun with others. thats why i dont bother with it also i prefer here in mylot
3 people like this
• New Delhi, India
20 Feb
Online dating is not so succesful.
2 people like this
• Preston, England
20 Feb
@Swayamsiddha there are some successful relationships starting that way but most prove to be disastrous
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (123169)
• Bunbury, Australia
19 Feb
This is indeed a horror story. How wonderful to have supportive friends. It must have hurt for a long time though.
2 people like this
• Preston, England
19 Feb
@JudyEv yes it was very distressing at the time
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (157183)
• Switzerland
20 Feb
Some people are really weird. I think you did the right thing not to cancel the party, at least you had a good time with your friends and you were able to talk about this bad experience and get support from them. Internet and the virtual world is a dangerous place.
2 people like this
• Cuddalore, India
20 Feb
I don't know how you trusted her
2 people like this