I've been busy, and I've been angry

@sissy15 (5705)
United States
February 19, 2018 9:50pm CST
Hi everyone, I know I've been absent awhile and I can't say for certain that I'm back. I've had a trying month. A lot has happened and I had to wait for some of the anger to subside, which meant chatting with a few friends and living my life in the best way possible. I feel like my life is this constant struggle of trying to figure out where I belong and how to best survive at times. As someone with anxiety and some mild depression, I have to constantly remind myself of the good things in my life. Sometimes that means stepping away from social media. I know life isn't easy nor is it meant to be, and we all have our struggles and some of us deal with it better than others. It's something I'm working on. I am currently working on forgiveness which is proving to be especially trying, especially when the person that has caused so much grief and pain probably isn't even sorry and if given the chance would do it again. Most of you now know my brother is an alcoholic, and this has caused a lot of animosity amongst my family because he does things that anger us and a lot of us don't agree with how to handle him. His most recent stupid act has me so upset and I've been working to get past the anger. He was living with us since my mom wouldn't leave him on the street, which from a parental standpoint I get it, but at the same time I know she was enabling him. She didn't just offer him a place to stay she bought him everything including food, chew, personal hygiene products, and she paid for him to do his laundry. He, in turn, hogged her TV so no one including her could watch it. He complained when anyone was in the bathroom. We pay rent to stay here, we pay for all of our own things, and he was constantly using our stuff and eating our food. He would get annoyed when anyone dared to enter the living room as he slept on the couch, all he did was eat constantly (I mean constantly, he ate about two dozen eggs a week himself, went through a 3 lb bag of our cheese by himself, and a gallon of ketchup in a month), watch tv, and sleep. Then finally he got a job. He seemed to be finally turning his life around, I kept hoping he wouldn't do what I thought he would do, which is blow all of his money on alcohol and chew. I so badly wanted him to prove me wrong, but alas, that wasn't meant to be. After receiving some money from serving he went on a drinking binge and gave everyone attitude. Then he received his first paycheck and that's when it got worse. My husband woke up to find his coat gone and my brother was the only one who would take it as everyone else was here. My husband does not have another coat and it was in the negatives here. Then we noticed my mom's car keys were gone and my husband went and looked around and my brother stole her car again. This was the second time. The first was right after the trouble just started. He stole her car and bought alcohol and went and hid out and my sister's rental house (it used to be our grandma's house). That time he was really messed up so everyone gave him a pass. This time he stole the care sober. My mom's car is in my sister's name, my sister is a cop. If he hit someone in his drunken stupor it would have looked bad for her. My sister reported the car as stolen. About a day or so later we got a call from a Tennessee highway patrol officer, and he had pulled my brother over. We live in Ohio, so he passed some state lines. He got himself into some big trouble this time. He had some percocets (Sp?) in his possession so he is getting some minor drug charges, DUI charges, along with a few others. He also stole a Georgia license plate and used it to put over my mom's license plate. My brother is so selfish, but he's an addict so it comes with the territory. He put everyone out, my mom's car is her only way to get around, and she needs it to get to doctors appointments and he knew that but of course, he only cares about himself. He left my mom a message on her phone claiming he is sorry and he loves her. He is only sorry because he got caught. He made it so my husband had to walk to work in the freezing cold without a coat. My mom's car had a lot of important stuff in it. He just didn't care. My sisters went and got the car the next day after we found out where he was. My husband and I found out my brother's charges and his court date. I'm just done with him, I love him and I hope he gets his act together but I'm done dealing with this and playing nice. I'll be civil but I am not going to just play nice all the time. He has a problem and he needs to pay for the things he has done. My mom would let my brother stay here again if he gets out of jail. She would go back to enabling him. She would get annoyed if we complained about the stuff he was doing and didn't want us to say anything to him. I told her if he comes back he is going to hear about it and I'll be civil but I won't be super nice and I'll let him know how angry I am. He will never hit his rock bottom at this point. I doubt he has learned anything. He preaches the gospel and all about God and what's right and wrong meanwhile hating cops and breaking the law. I'm over it. The only reason he hates the cops is because he keeps breaking the law and doesn't appreciate being caught. I don't know how he thought he would get away with this. I really hope this wakes him up but I doubt it. Everyone keeps saying they hope he doesn't go to prison but I personally think that's what he needs. He needs to be scared. He needs to realize that not everyone is going to take his crap anymore and that he has burned all of his bridges or he will never get better. Clearly, the trouble he got into before didn't do it. I don't know what will but I do know I'm sick of everyone enabling him. I hope I get the chance to tell him how angry I am. I told my mom she can make sure he knows she loves him but that she isn't going to help him anymore until he is willing to help himself, but she didn't listen to me. Some people will never get better and I hope that's not my brother. So, that's what has been going on here. That's why I've been absent for awhile. I've been dealing with a lot. I just keep fighting off my anger and trying to forgive for my own peace of mind, because I hate how I feel right now. I could rant about this subject for hours and it wouldn't do me any good. It won't change my brother. He has to want to change and right now I doubt he does. I keep hoping this will make him wake up and see he has a problem but I know it won't. I pray that it does though. I don't know if I'll be around for very long but I might reappear again, I don't know.
7 people like this
6 responses
@JudyEv (134903)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Feb
What a shame you can't get out of this situation. It must be incredibly difficult and while your mother helps him like she does I can't see anything ever changing.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (134903)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Feb
@sissy15 Maybe she is a little afraid of him too. He might get nasty if she didn't pay for his stuff. However it's very unfair to expect you to accept the same conditions.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5705)
• United States
20 Feb
@JudyEv She did it because she claims she didn't want to have to deal with him and I'm like that's when you kick him out not cave. She said she was never afraid of him. He was incredibly ungrateful and would whine when he didn't get his way. I know he would knock stuff around when he didn't get his way but she still claims she wasn't afraid of him just hated dealing with it. IDK it got on my nerves, she never would have put up with that from me.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (134903)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Feb
@sissy15 I'm afraid I'd probably put up with a fair bit too as I hate confrontations. But sometimes you really do need to put your foot down as they say and say enough is enough.
1 person likes this
@Plethos (10969)
• United States
20 Feb
Hes a bad seed. No one in the house should help him. Every time he acts up he should be punched in the mouth.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5705)
• United States
20 Feb
Ha! I wish. My mom babies him though. I just tolerated him. Currently, he is sitting in jail and no one has bothered to go visit him because he's a couple of states away. I honestly hope he's there for awhile.
2 people like this
@Plethos (10969)
• United States
20 Feb
@sissy15 - now this is when you get one of those restraining orders against him so he cant go near the home or your guys.
@sissy15 (5705)
• United States
21 Feb
@Plethos We live with my mom and my mom would never allow that to happen, she would be livid even if we got a place of our own and did that because we could never be in the same room with him which would make family gatherings difficult. Everyone would hate us.
1 person likes this
@Mshafeeq (1553)
• Bangalore, India
21 Feb
Oh my it's too lengthy to read I am sorry to say that. I have read some of it and can say the situation was not good for you.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5705)
• United States
21 Feb
I know, I don't do well with breaking things down because if I do I lose my train of thought which is why a lot of my posts are long instead of split up, plus my brother has done quite a few stupid things in the course of not even a full year.
1 person likes this
@Mshafeeq (1553)
• Bangalore, India
22 Feb
@sissy15 it's ok don't misunderstand me.
@sissy15 (5705)
• United States
22 Feb
@Mshafeeq I didn't misunderstand you, I knew what you meant, I was just saying. I know a lot of my posts are long and people sometimes wonder why, so I was just explaining.
@Courtlynn (55260)
• United States
20 Feb
Sorry he disappointed you again. Hope things get better for him in the end
@sissy15 (5705)
• United States
20 Feb
Thanks, me too. I hope he has learned something from this but I doubt it. I still want to yell at him. He should be happy he had states between us when I first found out. I'm finally calming down some but I'm still livid. I just want it all to sink in but I doubt it ever will.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (55260)
• United States
20 Feb
@sissy15 probably wont.
@dodo19 (33691)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
20 Feb
I’m sorry to hear that you’re still stuck in this situation. Hopefully things can change for you.
@sissy15 (5705)
• United States
21 Feb
Thank you, me too.
1 person likes this
@Srbageldog (8242)
• United States
20 Feb
Well, as you know I also have a brother like this, although he has never stolen a car (only because he can't drive; otherwise I have no doubt he would have stolen my dad's car to skip state.) So, I sympathize. Our brothers will never change as long as our mothers keep enabling them. My brother is also currently in jail and is looking at 6 years in prison; I hope he gets sentenced to that amount and has to serve all of it. I'm just sick and tired of dealing with his crap. Your brother needs help, but he won't ever reach out for it as long as someone is always there to catch him when he falls. You know that already, though. I wish there was a way to get through to your mom so she could realize this. I wish the same for my own mom. At some point you would think they'd realize that the addict that's taken over is no longer their son. Anyway, you have every right to be angry, I'm angry for you. I've dealt with the same sort of crap for the last 15+ years, and after a point it's just like, enough's enough.