I don't even want to go now

@shaggin (37848)
United States
February 27, 2018 8:49pm CST
Last week my boyfriend asked me if I want to go to a concert with him. It's on a school night but we so rarely do anything alone so I said sure. I'm not a fan of crowds or loud noises and I'm not even excited about the band lol but I have been looking forward to spending time with him by going to this. He asked me two days ago what we will be doing with the kids. I said mine would be fine staying home for a few hours. Since he can go to the bar with friends while his son stays home I assumed that would be the case this time as well. This past weekend when they were here he and I were gone less then an hour to subway. In that short amount of time his son locked my daughter in the computer room, kept unplugging my son's ps3 cord and stepped on my daughter CDs she was organizing even after she told him not to (3 times) and that they were her dead father's. Neither of my kids want his son here while we go to the concert but that is what my boyfriend keeps insisting on. His son didn't have his ADHD medicine over the weekend which always makes him obnoxious. My son's a wreck about me being gone for a few hours as it is and now I'm a wreck as well worrying about what kind of stories I will have to come home to after the concert. My kids aren't the easiest kids either so don't get me wrong about that. My son has been making the awful constant noises every few seconds again yesterday and today so he must be coming down with something again. It's tough for his sister and I to deal with it. My kids pretty much just stay away from each other. Ones on the computer all the time and ones on the ps3. Anytime they talk to each other they argue so I just tell them to stay away from each other. My boyfriend's son is more social and playful than either of mine and from what my boyfriend said tonight it seems his son always feels left out because they don't want to do anything with him so by bugging them it's the only way they pay attention to him. I truly do not even want to go to the concert at all now.
26 people like this
26 responses
• United States
28 Feb
my nephew has ADHD/autism too,and i wouldn't turn my back on him either. he has a habit of taking things apart or breaking them.and that's with his meds.
5 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
His son ruins things a lot too. A few weeks back he took scissors and cut the screen on a door in my house. His son has ADHD and his father doesn't give him medicine on the weekends so he is extremely irritating. My son has aspergers so he is tough as well.
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (53008)
• United States
28 Feb
@shaggin Have you found out the reason he doesn't give him meds on weekends? I mean I would suggest to him that the kids don't get along that well and weekend meds would probably help the situation. Alternatively, could he switch weekends with his ex so that his son doesn't have to come over, that might be the best solution.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
@snowy22315 His ex just pops out kids and doesnt take care of them. She sent him to live with his father a few years ago because she couldn't handle them. She rarely bothers to see him. He doesn't think his son needs the medicine unless he has to concentrate on school. Then he complains himself how much his sons being annoying. If he gave him the medicine daily his son wouldn't be so obnoxious.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (138899)
• United States
28 Feb
I am not sure how old your kids are. I am one of six kids and I am a parent of one. I am not fond of kids babysitting kids. But with that said I have no idea what the ages of your kids are. If that child behaves the way you mentioned. There would be no way I would begin to think about leaving him in my home. To watch the kitchen table let alone spend time with my other kids. If that were to happen and all hell broke loose. Think about the warning signs of what could have been prevented. Tell your man find child and offer a fare price and you will be at the front door with bells on. If that can happen you guys will be able to enjoy the night. Your nerves will be settled and your kids are ok. Anything happens after that. It is your issue and you won't be as bothered. HAve fun.
4 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
I asked him to get a sitter for his son if he is worried about him staying alone but he keeps insisting they will all be fine. My daughter will be 14 in May, his son 12 in May and my sons 10. They told me this morning he was screaming and recording it and playing it back with his iPod to annoy them. They are really really mad he is coming and they have to deal with him.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (138899)
• United States
28 Feb
@shaggin To be honest he can't come if you say no. So they are not at all in need of being mad. It's you that have to see to it now. I am sure it's not easy.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
@sharon6345 I told him I can't do this that I don't feel safe with them all here together. He's acting like I can't deal with being away from my kids for a few hours when really it is his son I am worried about being here. He's putting the blame on my kids saying they are mean to his son instead of realizing people can't stand how obnoxious his kid is. Mine aren't great either but I admit that.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6747)
• Nigeria
28 Feb
Don't you have a babysitter for the kids? It could help reduce the stress and anxiety of leaving them alone?
3 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
My kids are okay at home alone for a few hours. My daughter will be 14 in May and my son is 10. His son stays home alone too all the time so I don't know why he insists he come here this time. I asked him to get a sitter for his son if he was worried about it but he kept saying they will be fine here together. At this point I don't think I am going to the concert.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6747)
• Nigeria
28 Feb
@shaggin Your decision but you made me laugh the way you said it. What would he say about your not wanting to go to this concert?
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
@mydanods He is being kind of mean about it instead of being understanding.
2 people like this
@Courtlynn (55260)
• United States
28 Feb
Honestly, I couldn't be with someone whos kids didn't get along with mine. Like of course, I'd try to get them to get along for maybe a few weeks, but if it didnt work then the relationship couldnt. Especially if they're old enough to stay home alone so I could go out with my partner without them. But again thats just me. I hope the kids start getting along though and that you can figure out what you're going to do. But remember. You dont have to go. Its up to you.
3 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
We've been together on and off 5 years and the kids not getting along is always an issue. He has little patience with my kids but he thinks the things his son does are funny. My kids are brats and his son is obvious. I messaged him and told him I don't feel safe leaving them alone together and he's being kinda nasty about it. He said he's gone with or without me at 5 and if I can't deal with being away from my kids for one night he will just take his son. I said I can deal with going but not with his son here alone with my kids. He responded why because my kids will be mean to his. I said because his son annoys the heck out of my kids. They told me this morning while he and I were at Subway that he recorded himself screaming on his iPod and kept playing it back to them to annoy them.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (55260)
• United States
28 Feb
@shaggin yeah no. Thats not right of your guy, or of his kid. And if they dont get along now after 5 years they probably never will. Sadly.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
@Courtlynn agreed!
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12777)
• Paso Robles, California
28 Feb
I can understand how you feel. I would not feel at ease leaving the children home alone together either.
3 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
I messaged him today and told him I just can't do it I don't feel safe leaving them all together here. He isn't being understanding about it at all.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12777)
• Paso Robles, California
2 Mar
@shaggin That tells you something about him you might want to consider.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
2 Mar
@bagarad yes I know
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Feb
Yikes! I wouldn't be able to enjoy my time out under those circumstances if it was me. I am sure you will make the best decision though for your family.
3 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
The best decision would be for me to say never mind I'm not going if his son is here. I am going to go and pray things go better then I expect.
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
1 Mar
@LovingmyBabies I wound up telling him I couldn't go if his son was here. He was not nice about it. I know I made the right choice though for the kids even though it meant I would have missed out in fun. I got a message at 9:30 pm that they drove an hour and a half to get there only to find out the band members were sick and the show was cancelled. Super glad I didn't go now ha ha.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
1 Mar
@shaggin That's good, I'm glad you made the right choice for your kids and family. =)
1 person likes this
@dodoazo (21468)
• Philippines
28 Feb
It's up to you for you have learned a lot about him, about his son and everything. Make up your mind and be firmed. Good luck.
3 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
His son is very predictable. I don't feel safe leaving them all home here together so looks like I'm not going to the concert.
1 person likes this
@dodoazo (21468)
• Philippines
28 Feb
@shaggin That's right. There's safety is a must.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (102426)
• Chile
28 Feb
I would not enjoy it in those circumstances.
3 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
I told him this morning I can't do this. I don't feel safe leaving them all alone together. He's not being very nice about it at all. All he had to do was find a sitter or let his son stay home but now because I put my foot down its probably going to cause a bit fight and my kids will be the blame instead of his
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (59067)
• Anniston, Alabama
28 Feb
Its hard to live in a blended family, my dad remarried and Left home at 16 to get away from them, we all were around the same ages. Tough decision on your part.
3 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
You mean you left home at 16? My daughter will be 14 in May, his son will be 12 in May and my sons 10.
@sprite1950 (14496)
• Corsham, England
28 Feb
I think you need to be honest and tell him how you feel or you're not going to enjoy yourself for worrying. I suppose he's bought tickets though.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
He bought tickets before he asked me I think he was going to take a friend but they couldn't go.
1 person likes this
@sprite1950 (14496)
• Corsham, England
28 Feb
@shaggin Maybe say you're ill. I know it's a lie but at least you won't have to worry about your kids.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
@sprite1950 nah I don't like lying. I messaged him and told him I can't do this that I don't feel safe leaving the 3 kids together.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (177366)
• Switzerland
28 Feb
Do not let his son inside the house with your children. This kid does not seem very nice and what he did is wrong, he has no excuses. This is not the right way to get attention and his father should tell him.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
It's not that he isn't very nice although sometimes he's not and neither are my kids. He thinks my kids are mean to him but I think I would react the exact same way as my kids if he irritated me the way he does them. They told me this morning another thing he did while we were at subway was recording himself on his ipod screaming and playing it back to annoy them.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (177366)
• Switzerland
28 Feb
@shaggin I would not like to stay with this kid at all either, he sounds very annoying.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
@LadyDuck extremely. He does it on purpose but I think seeing as he is so much worse when he doesn't have his meds that it's partly his father's fault as well. I know I had a very hard time controlling myself when I was young because I didn't have medication like I have now.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (20163)
• United States
28 Feb
Maybe if boyfriend's son has his medicine he won't be so.... destructive? I do feel you though. It's hard to not know what you want to do. Maybe boyfriend could go to the concert by himself and you guys could go do something else together another time?
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
He said if I can't leave my kids for the night then he will take his son. I told him I can leave mine but not with his son here and he said why because my kids will treat him like crap and I said my kids are miserable but he drives them absolutely insane. I honestly do not blame them when they do get ticked off at him. My kids told me this morning while we were at subway he recorded himself screaming on the iPod and kept playing it back to annoy them. He hasn't replied back to me saying how he drives them nuts and we were supposed to leave in 2 hours so looks like I'm not going. All he had to do was have his son stay home alone like he does when he goes to the bar or work.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (20163)
• United States
1 Mar
@shaggin That's weird. If he doesn't mind leaving his son alone while he's at work, or the bar, then this should have been no different. I don't blame your kids either.... :/ it's a tough situation
1 person likes this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
1 Mar
@FayeHazel I feel I did the right thing in not going. The kids safety is more important then my having fun. He wound up messaging me at 9:30 and told me after they drove all the way there the concert had been cancelled.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (42338)
28 Feb
It doesn't look like his son should be anywhere near your kids. You were gone shorter than it would be to a concert. It is sad that all you want to do is spend time with your boyfriend alone.
2 people like this
@Hannihar (42338)
28 Feb
@shaggin Shaggin, it is too bad, but, I understand your kids. Your boyfriend's son is a holy terror and should not be near them.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
@Hannihar An adult just needs to be around to keep them from fighting etc.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (42338)
28 Feb
@shaggin Makes sense Shaggin and that is too bad that an adult has to supervise them.
1 person likes this
@Orson_Kart (4487)
• United Kingdom
28 Feb
You won't enjoy the concert under these conditions. You need to feel your kids are safe and happy while you're gone. I would either get an adult childminder you trust, or tell your boyfriend he needs to make his own arrangements for his son.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
Thank you that is exactly how I feel. I told him I can't leave them all alone together and he's being kind of mean about it and I think it's going to start a big fight.
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
28 Feb
@shaggin He should respect your wishes. If he cares about how you feel at all he would listen to your concerns and agree a solution. Seems to me he doesn't care and I'm sorry about that as you are a great gal.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
@Orson_Kart very true him not taking how I feel seriously says a lot.
@snowy22315 (53008)
• United States
28 Feb
Even if your kids are older, can't you get a sitter, maybe even a neighbor to check in and make sure everything is ok?
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
My father is across the street so I'm am emergency they can get ahold of him but he is very sick right now with what he feels is the flu. I asked him to get a sitter for his son if he was worried about leaving him alone but he keeps insisting they will all be fine here.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (53008)
• United States
28 Feb
@shaggin Your dad doesn't sound like a reliable resource. Do you have a friend who could pop in?
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
@snowy22315 nope. I just told my boyfriend I can't do this that I don't feel safe with them all alone together. He keeps insisting they will be fine. I hate being shrugged off like this that's what lead to this point already him not gettin a sitter when I said.
@Kandae11 (40368)
28 Feb
I don't want to spoil your fun but I doubt you will enjoy your time away. How old is your boyfriend's son by the way?
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
I decided I can't go if he leaves his son here. It's just not going to be good for any of them to be here alone together. His son will be 12 in May.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (40368)
28 Feb
@shaggin I won't leave them together either.
1 person likes this
@miketagz (7518)
• Philippines
28 Feb
Okey, better to stay at home if you don't feel better.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
Looks like that is what will be happening.
1 person likes this
@miketagz (7518)
• Philippines
28 Feb
@shaggin Okey good luck.
1 person likes this
• Midland, Michigan
28 Feb
Is there an adult family member close by that would be willing to stay for the duration or stop by to check on them once or twice? What are the ages of the three children? When I was young but over twelve I helped watch my younger siblings. We didn't always get along, in fact often we were chasing one another in the house. The only thing we ever broke was the bathroom door, but there were three of us close in age.. Not saying that they would be fine if left alone, but it could work. Or not.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
My daughter will be 14 in May, his son will be 12 in May and my son is 10. My kids for the most part just stay away from each other because they don't get along but his son doesn't do that he just annoys the heck out of them. My two would be fine here alone but not his son here with them. Last weekend he went out to the bar and left him home so it shouldn't be any different this time.
@sjvg1976 (18404)
• Delhi, India
28 Feb
Even my kids are not the easiest one to keep. That's the reason we don't go out leaving them alone at home.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
I so rarely go out but mine are okay along for a few hours. I just don't trust his son alone here with them as he annoys them so bad and breaks things etc.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (19862)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
28 Feb
That is a most difficult situation. I cannot tell you what to do but if the situation is so difficult then you must decide if it is worth risking and going to the concert or not.
2 people like this
@shaggin (37848)
• United States
28 Feb
I wound up messaging him and telling him I can't do it that I don't feel safe leaving them alone together. He is being mean about it instead of understanding.
1 person likes this