Would You Mind If I Call You As A Friend?

@AKRao24 (19797)
India
March 4, 2018 8:31am CST
I want to make it very clear in the beginning itself that I am posting this discussion with no malice intention against anyone! This is a place where we get to learn many things which are never known to us before. Last night in one of the discussions I was told that I am not supposed to address an unknown person as a friend. I was also told that it is not offensive but it is inappropriate to use! Having done the research I could make it out that when we say ’Friend ‘ it refers to a person with whom one has bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations. Almost every dictionary is giving more or less similar definition with added traits what a friend should have. I have referred a few dictionaries like Oxford Dictionary, Cambridge dictionary, Merriam –Webster Dictionary to get the idea about the word 'friend'. So instead of creating any confusion I learned that people from USA feel that they are not be addressed as friend by any one unless they are well known to each other! I want to know if thing is valid for the European Countries and Australia? Here the Prime Minister of the Country addresses the people as dear Friends. English is not a native language for Indians and we take the support of various available resources to enrich ourselves in that language. I gathered that the word "friend" comes from Old English "freond", which is actually the present participle of "freogan", which means “ to love” or “to honor”. (Link : ) So, in India the word ‘Friend’ is used to give honor and respect to the person with whom we are talking! Can I have opinion about this topic from the respected members here, so that we all can learn something new today? Thanks!
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friends
26 people like this
31 responses
@TheSojourner (17442)
• United States
4 Mar
Culturally, we are all different. And I'm sorry that some American told you that what you were saying was inappropriate. If they had been culturally aware, they would have understood why you use it. And I don't have a problem with someone sharing with you the cultural aspect, but it sounds like you might have been scolded for doing so? There was a time that when we would meet someone in this country face to face, you would refer to them as Sir or ma'am or Miss. It was a sign of respect. But we don't teach that to our children any longer. So, it doesn't surprise me that someone would be offended by being called friend. But once again, I will say that it would be rude for someone to go out of their way to tell you that you were offencive. And as far as research goes, I'm not sure that I would use the Urban Dictionary as the most valid of resources. It is become the dictionary of Those who make up their own rules and words. Language certainly does evolve. And this is where I feel that I am becoming more and more old or old-fashioned.
9 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
Thanks a lot dear friend @CoralLevang, it is not for the first time I am meeting you here! I must have addressed you many times in the past as my dear friend, but you never objected to that...which evidently tells that despite knowing the different cultures you have never uttered a single word about me, calling me as your friend, which shows that you have concern for fellow human being may it be about their physical well being as a Soldier or about their mental/spiritual well being as a fellow human being! Now coming to the discussion ...with due regards to the person....the person is British now living in US, but then I was never scolded or was said that I have offended any one.....all I was told was it was inappropriate to use the word 'friend ' here on this site...yes , i was also told to use it liberally for my country people for any number of times but not for that person! What pinched me is that I was asked to understand what a full point meant at the end of the discussion! Yes,many a things are changing and that is the way of life as the 'Change' is a must for the life to evolve and language is no exception for that! but then people must understand that beyond following the strict rules and beliefs there are other aspects, with which they can change the lives of many people around! For that matter , I am a Vet by profession who can understand very well about the human ailments and their cure....despite that I never scold or shout at the locals who come forward to treat a case of snake bite which are common with us here as we are all staying on a big farm! But before that I make sure that the bite was not by a venomous snake or that bite was not at all by a snake by thoroughly examining it and also by observing the signs and symptoms of the person bitten by the snake! After convincing myself that everything is fine, and he is not needed to take to any hospital.... I allow the locals to perform their own rituals! Within an hour or so the person so called who was bitten by a poisonous snake gets up and feels happy that he is safe! The fact here is that he is happy because his fellow human beings have had the time for him, concern for him and love for him for which becomes happy and contended as he was well aware of the facts happening around him as he was already safe! When a simple man like me can understand this fact...then why can't those claim themselves as well educated and quantified persons who have the license to teach the world, have this simple understanding? Thanks a lot ! That was the great response to respond back! god bless! Thanks!
3 people like this
• United States
4 Mar
@AKRao24 you touched my heart with your response. Thank you. I also appreciated learning more about you, your culture, and your belief system. Thank you again for sharing so much of yourself.
2 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
Thanks a lot dear friend @CoralLevang ....i am a down to earth person believing in Humanity and Well being of the World in what ever way I can understand...it is th people like you who rejuvenate the zeal and enthusiasm in me to come back and fight for this noble cause! God bless! Thanks a lot !
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (164154)
• Switzerland
4 Mar
In Europe people do not address each other as "friend", but I consider those I meet here in myLot my friends. I am not offended at all to be called friend, I think it's nice.
6 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
I sincerely appreciate your concern and generosity towards the practical life dear friend @LadyDuck, if you see that some one is not following the rules because of their unawareness...then it is too much to ask them to mend their ways.... once again I sincerely appreciate your spirits! Thanks a lot! God bless!
4 people like this
@LadyDuck (164154)
• Switzerland
5 Mar
@AKRao24 I do not find offensive at all those who are polite and call the other members "friends". Some American users (mainly women) address to the others using "honey" or "sweetie". This is also not at all used in Europe, but I surely do not feel offended for this.
2 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
Thanks dear friend @LadyDuck ! appreciate your open and broad minded views! Because of the people like you who are always encouraging and positive we all are happy and feel great here! God bless! Once again Thanks!
2 people like this
• New Delhi, India
4 Mar
Ofcourse the answer that was given to u in the dictionary was right.
4 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
Could you kindly elaborate bit more , @Swayamsiddha ? I fail to understand what you want to imply! Can I address you as friend or not? Thanks!
3 people like this
• New Delhi, India
4 Mar
@AKRao24 Yup u can call me a friend.
2 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
Thanks dear friend @Swayamsiddha ! You are already my friend and let us spread this message of friendship to the World! Thanks!
1 person likes this
@RodrickH (10672)
• China
4 Mar
I guess we are friends, mylot is an amazing site where you can make friends all over the world
4 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
I fully agree with you and endorse your views my dear friend @RodrickH! Have a great time and God bless You!
3 people like this
@RodrickH (10672)
• China
4 Mar
@AKRao24 Thanks
3 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
Thanks a lot dear @RodrickH...lets spread the message of friendship and Humanity by addressing everyone as our friends! God bless! Thanks!
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (109851)
• United States
4 Mar
I am from the USA, and I love it when I am called "friend" here. I like when someone here calls me "dear" too. We are all different, I suppose, and for that, I am glad.
4 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
That is the true positive and encouraging spirit dear friend @Corbin5 ! You are a person with a big and caring heart! I am proud of you have you as my friend here! What can I say further except that ...please have a great time and God bless you!
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109851)
• United States
5 Mar
1 person likes this
@louievill (18981)
• Philippines
4 Mar
Filipinos call and address each other " kaibigan" or friend, it's very natural, especially if you don't know a person's name but "kaibigan" is more commonly used for the male gender whereas friend could be used for both sexes ( a lot of Filipinos are bilingual) " Kaibigan" not friend could also be used to call a person's attention, it's more polite than psssst or " hoy!" ( hey!). It could also be a polite warning, so a policeman might say " kaibigan don't do that again" a change in tone could mean a sterner warning. "
4 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
That is what we also have in India...that is why we feel comfortable calling some one as friend or being get called by some one as friend...that is minimum courtesy I believe...thanks a lot for making my day dear friend @louievill ! Thanks a lot! god bless!
2 people like this
@louievill (18981)
• Philippines
5 Mar
@AKRao24 God bless you too
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (131599)
• United States
4 Mar
I am so glad you went that far to learn that. I am very funny about calling someone my friend. I prefer to say someone I know. But online here are most of my friends. here I use friend as you may use good morning or goodnight. Lol very often.
3 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
Thanks a lot dear friend @sharon6345 Really sorry for being late in replying...there were two things behind this, first was I wanted to have some time to think before responding back to you and second was my mares who would never give me time when it is required by me most....a couple of them delivered during this gap of time successfully! I know , I have got some people here who can understand my culture and the back ground of my country...I sincerely appreciate the way you have taken up the things and made the things too easy for all of us! That actually makes the difference between a formally educated person and a practically learned person! The latter can rather know how to keep the environment in unison , instead of making it worst by imparting the rules which have no significance in todays life! Your response ''But online here are most of my friends. here I use friend as you may use good morning or goodnight. Lol very often.'' says says every thing....I am sure that every one will appreciate who believe in humanity and universal friendship! Thanks a lot for your wonderful response! God bless and have a wonderful time dear FRIEND!
@sharon6345 (131599)
• United States
4 Mar
@AKRao24 This is truly a sweet thing to read. I am so happy that you are able to understand me well. I am grateful thanks forever the smile feels like a hug.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
Then dear friend @sharon6345 please have an affectionate hug! God bless us all! Thanks!
• Russian Federation
4 Mar
Quite honestly, when several young guys tried to call me a "friend" on myLot, I strictly told them not to do it. But sometimes, I myself say "my friends" to my students, like a senior. So when you call me "friend," it is my honor, as I have noticed that you are a couple of years younger than my mum I think it is a kind word which you use for those who are much younger than you So, I don't mind and even like it thanks
3 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
I am sssoooo happy that you have caught the crux of the discussion and presented your response in such a positive and touching way dear friend @MashaVickina ! That is the way we address people while respecting and honoring them...again it all says in your discussion , if you are my friend or foe? Thanks a lot! God bless!
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (10726)
• United States
4 Mar
I know different cultures have different customs, but I don't mind being called Friend on myLot. Here in eastern NC, I don't use that unless it's someone that is close to me. But on this site, it's very nice.
3 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
So nice to hear those words full of concern and caring towards the humanity...yes we are here to exchange the culture, heritage, economics, philosophy of life...until unless we can't appreciate or tolerate the small mistakes how can we proceed further...I got really impressed...Thanks a lot dear friend@1creekgirl, for your such an encouraging and positive response! God bless us all! Thanks!
1 person likes this
@Icydoll (22587)
• India
4 Mar
Yeah definitely we can address other as a friend ...I address other fellow mylotters the same
3 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
Yes I know and understand that dear friend @Icydoll ! That's the way we are taught and we try to give respect and regards to all the fellow human beings! Thank you very much! God bless!
3 people like this
@sjvg1976 (18360)
• Delhi, India
5 Mar
I won't mind it if any stranger adress me by calling as a friend and why should anyone feel offended by it.
2 people like this
@sjvg1976 (18360)
• Delhi, India
5 Mar
@AKRao24 this may be the reason.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
Thanks dear friend @sjvg1976 ! God bless!
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (21777)
• India
4 Mar
I think I should also mention that even the endearment "dear" is not well-received by some and Indians use it often.
2 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
Yes, i agree with your views... but did we have teachers in our scools who taught us about this? We often refer babies, small kids, pets and near and dear ones as 'Dear' which implies that we care and affectinate in true sense about them! Unfortunately we are the people learned (not learnt) English from British and running towards USA where every thing is very different as far as the language is concerned! And still we feel great that we know American English and our Children know the Australian English! So would you mind if I address as 'Dear'? Thanks! God bless!
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (21777)
• India
5 Mar
@AKRao24 I am not sure because I have never used "dear" with anyone. But that could be because I am an extremely private person when it comes to showing affection. Only time we used "Dear" was when we writing informal letters in school in English Class. lol I don't know how or when this spilled over into daily conversations. Oh wait! Could it be possible that Indians are translating "beta" "beti" "bhai" "yaar" to "dear" ??? It is very common for us to use in everyday conversations. And no, I don't have a problem with you using it. If I had, I would have told you. Everyone on myLot is friend. No matter who or where they come from.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
So kind of you dear friend @Daljinder to explaining so sensibly and simply....yes it is so true we can't address a kid without using the word 'bete' which i often do while dealing with my workers here on the farm...by doing so we I feel that I am transmitting positive waves to them. May be because of this habit we Indians might have developed the habit of using dear to show the care and concern for the others! Thanks a lot to mention that you have no problem if I address you as my dear friend! God bless! Have a great time!
1 person likes this
@houda28 (380)
• Tunisia
4 Mar
That's totally fine by me.
2 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
That is so nice of you dear friend @houda28 ! remember you are one of my friends to spread the message of friendship across the World! Thanks! God bless!
1 person likes this
@houda28 (380)
• Tunisia
4 Mar
@AKRao24 Most welcome.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
So nice Thanks again dear friend @houda28 ! Take care and have a nice time!
1 person likes this
@Teekaaa (5706)
• India
4 Mar
I don't mind and infact I address other fellow mylotters as " friend"..
2 people like this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
4 Mar
yes, i know that is the way we are taught and bright up dear friend @Teekaaa! i always feel elated and blessed if some one addresses here as dear friend at this old age! I wish people to have heart of concern and caring instead of perfection and to follow the beaten path! god bless! Thanks!
@MALUSE (41387)
• Germany
30 May
Each to their own. I've already explained to you that I don't like being addressed in this way. The fact that other Europeans like to be addressed as friends by people they don't know and with whom they have no close relationship doesn't change my opinion.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
30 May
That is alright @MALUSE! We had a talk about it in the past and you have given your opinion which I have accepted! This discussion was posted for other members here to know their opinion about two months back! How could you retrieve it now?
@MALUSE (41387)
• Germany
30 May
@AKRao24 I must have seen it on the right margin of the screen where old posts are shown.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
30 May
@MALUSE , That is really so nice of you! Now I can really think I can thanks you!
@Sreekala (23435)
• India
5 Mar
Now only I am aware that such issues are involved here in mylot. I am bit introvert and I can't mingle with people easily and I need time to take people in my heart. I think I have been a member here for the last 9 years and those I met since then, I can discuss things very open. But for those who are not familiar I just post my response based on the topic. If any one calls me as a friend here, I really don't have any problem. I do respect their way of treating people. Honestly I don't give much importance to those salutations since it does not make any harm to me. We are here for helping each other not for offending any one.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
Dear @Sreekala...I am deliberately responding you late, in fact having responded all other responses I am coming here to respond so that I can express myself leisurely... Yes, as you said nobody can ever think of such things happening here in this modern age! This is just a case of ego to show others that people are educated and they know much about the language without having any consideration about the feelings and emotions of others. There is always some thing beyond life than just sticking to laid rules and hurting others! I would like these type of people as Educated immature people...who have basically forgotten the importance of education! Like you said we Indians are basically introvert in nature and we open up with others once we get to understand others, over the period of time, with the behavior or interaction with them. Like any other human beings we also like to have our egos pampered and we expect others to pay respect to us....but then in the name of usage of the language if some one says that - I can call my fellow Indians as my 'Dear Friend' and not that person, it really hurts. and on top of it , end the end of discussion the person reminds me that this is the end of discussion by say that - now it is Full Point and asks me if I understand that! Yes for a time being I was disturbed then having done some research I found that in certain countries friend means some thing very different from what we think in India! So just to have an idea and to know how many such people are there on this site for whom addressing them as a friend really hurts them....so I have come up with this post! Thanks a lot dear friend....for your sincere and frank opinion as usual. Have a great time ...God bless!
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (23435)
• India
6 Mar
@AKRao24 I can understand the 'hurt'. When we interact with members in an innocent and lovely way getting misinterpreted, will not be a pleasant feelings either. Let us treat this as a lesson for all .
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
6 Mar
That is why I intentionally posted this discussion that we must know about the culture of others and mend ourselves accordingly ! Thanks dear @Sreekala! God bless!
1 person likes this
6 Mar
There is nothing wrong about it and its good to be call as a friend.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
6 Mar
Thanks a lot dear friend @junrose123 ! You have boosted my Morales ! God bless for your encouragement and positive response! Have a great time!
1 person likes this
6 Mar
@AKRao24 Your welcome, it is a pleasure to be of help to everybody in my own initiative.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
7 Mar
Stay blessed dear friend @junrose123 ! Have a great time!
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (38334)
5 Mar
Thank you for all the information on being a friend. My definition of a friend is someone that is supportive and loyal and someone you can trust. I have people here that I call friends. the littleboy in the picture looks very sad.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
Thanks a lot dear friend @Hannihar! Your opinion is highly appreciated and it is to the point and explains every thing! We are all participating on a site where we come to exchange the views and feelings, though we make some cents while doing so! Yes, every one understands that the earnings are nothing for the members for the time they are devoting! This means that we all are here to share our moments of happiness and gloominess so that we can vent out our feelings freely and make ourselves comfortable! Since most of the people here are very co operative, understand and sensible ...I think they are the friends and I no hassles at all to call them as my friends! While appreciating your wonderful response , I pray the almighty to bless you best of his blessings! Thanks!
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (38334)
6 Mar
@AKRao24 Thank you so much for your kind words and what you said was really good AKRao24.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
6 Mar
Thanks a lot dear friend @Hannihar ! God bless us all!
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29647)
• Manila, Philippines
5 Mar
Well, maybe that person is bitter or does not have a lot of friends. People have different views and of course we have to respect that. But as a whole, a stranger can be a friend, even if you met him or her a few seconds ago. A person can be a friend, without the need to know him personally. I have friends who I know but not really close to but still they are my friends. Maybe, the "friend" that person is saying is the one he or she is really close to or someone he have known for a long period of time. But it doesnt matter.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
Thanks a lot dear friend @mlgen1037 ! I sincerely appreciate your broad minded views and fully agree with them. You are a person who has concern for others and care for others! Have a great day dear friend! God bless!
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29647)
• Manila, Philippines
5 Mar
You're most welcome @AKRao24. I am happy to be here and have you all as my friend. I am sure you are a great friend to be with. I wish you likewise, my dear friend. God bless too.
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
So great of you dear friend @mlgen1037 ...I will try my level best to be when ever a true friend and extend my helping hand whenever it is required! God bless us all ! Thanks a lot!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Mar
for me, i think here in my country Philippines, we don't mind calling us friends even if we are not close to each other, we usually tag them as friend.. but i'm not sure about other Asian countries..
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
In India also we have the same thing...we call people as friends as a mark of respect and to make them comfortable...Thanks a lot dear friend @Betxie1221 for sharing the information! Have a great time! Thanks!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Mar
@AKRao24 no problems new friend.. this kind of post makes us aware of the culture from other country... thumbs up on this friend!
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (19797)
• India
5 Mar
Yes that is so true dear friend @Betxie1221 ! Thumbs up for you too! Take care!