I might not be cut out for marriage

a couple
@mydanods (6738)
Nigeria
March 7, 2018 12:29am CST
I see too many ups and downs in marriage. Some people get married and before six months they divorce because of irreconcilable differences. The way I see marriage is that the problems seem to outweigh the benefits. But when I say that to people, they think I have commitment issues. They feel there is something wrong in one just wanting to date without getting married at the end. I don’t want to get hurt by marriage. I have seen many people get hurt and their lives ruined by their spouse. Sometimes, I wonder, how do married people deal with these marital problems. I might not be cut out for marriage but I wish well for those who are. Just my thoughts.
15 people like this
16 responses
@crossbones27 (22333)
• Redlands, California
7 Mar
Welcome to modern times, A lot of people are not getting married anymore. I am 41 and not married, have never been, have no plans of ever getting married. It is slowly becoming acceptable. People always say, "never say never," which is true, but in these times with the way things are now. Marriage is just not a good idea. Plus, all I need is another women pissed off at me.
4 people like this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
So what are you plans as to enjoying your singleness?
1 person likes this
• Redlands, California
7 Mar
@mydanods Hell, I am just trying to survive, another reason no women want me around. You have to have that financial stability or show promise of getting it.
2 people like this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
@crossbones27 Many women want a man that will care for her. You don't have to have lots of money to do that.
@LadyDuck (188337)
• Switzerland
7 Mar
Those who marry without thinking what a marriage means fail. I am married from 47 years and we are both happy. A marriage is not only having fun, going out to dinner, travel and go vacationing. There are responsibilities, there are difficult moment that the couple must discuss together. My brother divorced, but he never grew up, he still is a big kid, not the best to get married.
4 people like this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
So you recommend that I think carefully on what I want from marriage before giving up on it? I have. I want a faithful wife and obedient children. I am scared of quarreling. It can have an effect on my nerves.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (188337)
• Switzerland
7 Mar
@mydanods Think carefully about what you want. A good wife listens to her husband. A husband and wife should discuss matters together, not quarrel. Getting into arguments and fighting is wrong.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
@LadyDuck I'm thinking carefully about it. As of now, I haven't found a woman that I think will satisfy my needs. I wish you all the best in your marriage.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (72383)
• Roseburg, Oregon
7 Mar
I have been married twice and both were great. Love really is great the second time around.
3 people like this
• Redlands, California
7 Mar
If you do not mind me asking, you are divorced or one passed away? You kind of sound like someone that would be married all their life in a good way I mean as in a good women. Hope this comes out right because I am terrible at such questions but will take the risk because curious.
2 people like this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
@crossbones27 Curiosity killed the cat.
1 person likes this
• New Delhi, India
7 Mar
I know that life is awesome without marriage. But sometimes from somewhere you feel incomplete. So marriage covers up that feeling of incompleteness
3 people like this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
As a single person, I feel incomplete but I wonder how marriage will fill that void when people end up fighting all the time. Won't the problems of marriage make the void wider?
• Preston, England
7 Mar
I feel the same. I would not see anyone taking me as an ideal husband
2 people like this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
At least I now have a partner.
@Kandae11 (40338)
7 Mar
@arthurchappell - and why not?
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
7 Mar
@Kandae11 I'm too independent to settle down to such tied responsibility and my self-esteem can crash a lot
1 person likes this
@sashann (211)
• Philippines
8 Mar
marriage is not being in love , you know what's the hardest part of being married? it is to stay in love with your partner? because being in a relationship is not always about what you love about that person, it is how you handle the situation at the end of the day, there are so many ups and downs, not just up and down it like up and so deeply down's sometimes you'll life will stuck at the bottom, but the the important thing is that if you are at the bottom you know that there is no way but up, just help your partner , sometimes your partner is mad and anger at you but he/she is not really not mad at you, maybe she is just asking for your help,
2 people like this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
8 Mar
I believe you have experience at marriage. I will remember that.
1 person likes this
@sashann (211)
• Philippines
8 Mar
@mydanods yeah, ehehe, we are leaving together for 7 years,:) but we got married last years thers a lot of downs haha but at the end of the day we both still love each other
2 people like this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
8 Mar
@sashann love never fails.
• United States
7 Mar
I know how you feel and understand it. I don't really see the point of marriage anymore. Most people get divorced right after getting married because they either don't really know each other or they don't want to put in the work to keep the marriage together. For me, I just view marriage as a piece of paper because that is what it is and I don't believe I need a piece of paper to tell me how I feel about someone. I don't want to have to split all of my hard earned with someone I don't want to spend the rest of my life with. You get married and in some states that is the only option you get. Instead, I rather just date and if we go our separate ways we don't have to split anything in half. We both just leave with what we came with. Some people can be very spiteful in marriage too and it can just be really nasty. Breakups can be that way too but then there really isn't any legal obligations to each other though. I had discussed before that I would prefer to have the ceremony and huge party but without getting legally married. I still want the ring and to even wear the beautiful dress and have our friends and family there but just not the legal part of it. A lot of the younger generations think and feel this way and marriage rates are starting to go down.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
You want the pleasure of marriage but not the responsibilities? That's how I read this. I am really concerned about this fact. Lots of people want marriage but the moment they face the responsibilities, they back off. I don't want to get married to someone who doesn't want to face up to the responsibilities.
• United States
8 Mar
@mydanods No we would still act like a married couple I just don't see the point of needing a piece of paper to confirm a marriage. Some states in the U.S. have a common law marriage and after so many years of being in a relationship, living with each other, paying bills together, and maybe even have kids together the state considers you as being married. I mean if you are already living together and paying bills together then in my eyes you are already married. We have friends who had been together almost 20 years already with 3 kids and they just got legally married last year. In my eyes they had already been married because they lived in the same house, raised kids together, both worked and paid their bills together. To me, that is married already and that is the responsibilities of a marriage. All a legal marriage is is a piece of paper that your witness signs stating that you know legally belong to each other and I don't believe I need that piece of paper to have a happy, healthy, loving, long-term relationship with someone.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar
@mydanods I'm not religious and many other people surprisingly aren't either and wouldn't care. I believe as long as everyone is legal in age and willing than just let them be happy and live their own lives. What others do in their lives is no one else's business as long as they are happy, willing, of age, and not harming themselves or others then just let them be. You know, some people believe in just letting others be happy with whatever they choose.
1 person likes this
@MaciMaci (306)
• France
7 Mar
Marriage is hard work... Seriously, most people don't really go through the part "...for worse... in sickness... etc." My husband and I were friends before we started dating, even if our marriage isn't what it used to be, he is still my best friend, my rock and I wouldn't be with anyone else. If you find that special someone, marry him, but don't settle for anything less.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
I appreciate the special friendship between you and your husband. What is the secret? How did you strike it off so as to remain quarrel free?
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (147663)
• United States
7 Mar
That is wonderful to know. My current ..would be perfect b for me. The main thing for me is. In 57 years he has never had an argument. I am wondering how that can be. He won't Dare raise his voice.
2 people like this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
@sharon6345 I thought you are single.
@nela13 (10109)
• Portugal
7 Mar
I am married from 12 years and i can say that I am happy and I think do do my husband.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
12 years is a long time in this divorce prone age. Can you share your secrets?
1 person likes this
@nela13 (10109)
• Portugal
7 Mar
@mydanods there is no secrets, we love and respect each other, we argue sometimes but that is part of a relationship too. Before we marry we were girlfriend /boyfriend during 10 years so we know each other very well.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
@nela13 That means you must have known yourselves and had a relationship for 22 years - 10 years as boyfriend and girlfriend, and 12 as married couple. That is quite interesting. Please, may you be blessed in your marriage.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (61797)
• Philippines
7 Mar
maybe there should be an unconditional and everlasting love between couples. otherwise, it can end briefly or in longer periods of time.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
That's the problem with marriage. The love doesn't seem to last and before you know it, they are quarreling and fighting each other.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (61797)
• Philippines
8 Mar
@mydanods not all. my parents stayed with each other until my father left ahead in 1997, then my mother followed last 2009
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
8 Mar
@ridingbet Sorry for the loss. Remember that you can see them again in the resurrection.
1 person likes this
• Calgary, Alberta
7 Mar
I am sexually active months ago due to tinder. Yet I dont have a wife yet. Commitment is scary. My family have no divorce history except from my brother and yeah marriage is scary. I do want to have kids but I dont want to adopt. I want my genetics to go on.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
Unlike us who have decided to not give ourselves all that trouble, you have to marry your highness. I prescribe that for you. Go and have kids.
• Calgary, Alberta
7 Mar
@mydanods I was thinking about getting rich and buy a bride from Russia.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
@CaptAlbertWhisker Why Russia? What is so exciting about brides from Russia?
@shaggin (39696)
• United States
7 Mar
My marriage went very badly. I stuck it out for 6 years before I couldn't do it anymore. I was so depressed being with him. He was a liar, a thief and controlling. Marriage to me should be forever so I was very sad that mine did not work out. It makes me extremely leery of marrying again and I think it's good you are careful and not just jumping into it. To many people marry to soon after meeting.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
Thanks for sharing your experience. I know you'll eventually find someone who is faithful to you and loves you for who you are.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (39696)
• United States
7 Mar
@mydanods I've been dating someone on an off for 5 years but I don't really know how its going to go.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
@shaggin I thought you don't have anyone right now. Anyway, put your heart into it for it to work. If he disappoints you, he is the problem and has been doing it to others. Just move on but the one thing you should never do is to cut off your heart from all and any relationship. That's how I see it.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (40338)
7 Mar
I tried it once, turned out to be a disaster - so I have no plans to go there again.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
Did the marriage produce children?
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (40338)
7 Mar
@mydanods I didn't stay in it long enough.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
@Kandae11 So you're free to take stock of what happened and see how to learn from it so it doesn't repeat.
@Daljinder (22181)
• India
7 Mar
Each relationship takes work whether marriage or dating. Besides that trust, honesty and respect matter a LOT in any relationship. People take it for granted and hence they fail.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
But I find that after marriage, people do not want to put efforts into making it work again. They take a relaxed attitude which leads to problems in the marriage. Why is it like that?
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (22181)
• India
7 Mar
@mydanods Like I said taking it for granted. Why waste time "wooing" someone who is not going anywhere as you already married them? lol That kind of attitude leads to failed marriages.
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
7 Mar
@Daljinder I hope people learn how to make marriage work before they go into it. The rate of divorce is very high.
1 person likes this
@id_peace (7707)
• Singapore
20 Mar
Just follow your own feeling. If there is a time you are to get married, you will get married
1 person likes this
@mydanods (6738)
• Nigeria
20 Mar
Thanks for the encouragement. I try to follow my own feelings. I know that everyone, including me, have their time to get married.
@snowy22315 (56103)
• United States
8 Mar
I think marriage is fantastic if you are with the right person. I am single now, and I have to say I really miss having a partner. Married people care for each other, have more money, and live longer than singles. You have to find the right person though. My former partners were good people in their own ways, but not right for me. I hope I don't have to spend the rest of my life alone..I don't think I will like it. It is probably not right for everyone though.