Disillusioned...

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It's funny, in a not so funny way. A good portion of the people I knew from my past, who were Bible believing; church hopping; chandelier swinging; tongue talkin'; hallelujah praising; prophetic speaking; warrior praying; two-step dancing; restaurant fellow-shipping Christians are unrecognizable today. I know myself... I've changed. I have not stopped believing in God, but I rarely believe in prayer, and that it makes a difference. I still talk to God...but for me...it's like talking to a mechanical robot, and I have not figured out which buttons to push to get an answer, that makes sense. I really have lost all hope that life will ever be happy, or good. It is not just about attaining things. Yeah a steady roof over my head, would be nice. A little change in my pocket to meet the basic needs (like tires for my car)...would be a blessing. However... I miss what I thought, was my Christian family. There is too much criticism, and labeling these days. Looking down on others, who are not as successful as we are/were. Using someone's trials as a reason to pass judgment that they did something wrong, or made a bad choice. Trust me... I know people who "appear" blessed on the outside, who constantly make poor decisions on a regular basis, in private. I believe God showed me a long time ago, that trials are not just lessons to be learned by the folks who are going through them; but they are also evaluations for God to see how the afflicted will be treated by others around them, during their season of hardship. Just because someone's trials have lasted longer than we thought they should...does not make them (less than), or (more of a sinner), than anyone else. For me... The saddest part of all this craziness is... Folks that I once admired...have either walked away from God altogether; gone off on some wild doctrine; or have become so heavenly minded, they act like pharisee's, and treat others as if they are too superior, to even talk to them. And if they do speak...they remind those folks on a regular basis, that their time is too valuable to give up...unless it adds some benefit to their lives. So... For those who are too superior for the likes of folks like me, I will let you have your freedom. If this is Christianity...I don't need, and/or want it. I don't want to learn how to discriminate against others, whose lives may not be going as smoothly as they should be; and/or act a little bit unconventional, then you think they should behave. For those of you who walked away from God, or don't believe in Him altogether. I too am sorry, and sadden. I kind of understand though... Even though it is not God's fault how other's treat you... I can imagine how hard it would be, to want to belong to a church family, with God as their head/leader...when a good portion of it's members behave in such a way...that the world seems like a better friend, then they are... For those of you who have decided that there is something better to believe in, than the Bible, and/or the Creator of the universe... I hurt for you. I can understand why you want to try to find another doctrine to take away the pain, that the so called "church" has no ability to help you heal from. There has been a saying, that has been proclaimed over the years...that "Christians are the only army, that will kill their own wounded"... These words are more prevalent today, than they have been in any other generation, and/or era of time. Sadly... The Bible speaks of these things. Everyone just wants to pay attention to the blessings of God...and not the corrections and/or judgments. God would not be just, unless He administers both. Ignoring it, and pretending it's not there..makes it no less of a reality. Nevertheless... Though I still wish to live on this earth... My desire for wanting to stay, is fading fast. Not sure if God even wants me. Even though it has been proclaimed God loves all people. That He loves the sinner, and hates the sin. It is quite clear in scripture, that a handful of folks He did not like... In fact... I know of at least one, He hated, before he came out of his mother's womb. Poor guy never stood a chance. .