Divorce
By Toni
@toniganzon (72285)
Philippines
March 27, 2018 9:35pm CST
Divorce doesn't exist in my country. It's something I hear often from the movies, something I read from the novels, and it was something we discussed briefly in comparison to declaration of annulment back when I was a student.
And last week, Wednesday, a friend from South Korea told me she got divorced? Was I surprised about the news? No. I was surprised to get that news on that day but was kind of expecting that to happen.
She got married about four or five years ago. She went on a honeymoon in Boracay and I was there. Same room with her husband. The husband slept on the extra bed while my friend and I slept in the honeymoon bed.
Two years of marriage, she told me they had never really slept together and she sort of caught her husband lying about going to a whore house.
She was never really happy in her marriage. I have known her long before she dated her now ex-husband. I was happy when she told me she was getting married. I was happy when she told me she decided to have a baby, but that never happened. And I was sort of happy when she told me about the divorce.
It was a mutual decision but it was her who initiated that. She felt guilty at first and then she felt free.
Have you ever been through a divorce? How was it?
27 people like this
27 responses
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
29 Mar 18
@LadyDuck Such a sad life she must have.
3 people like this
@LadyDuck (458091)
• Switzerland
29 Mar 18
@toniganzon Yes, we remained very close until her last day. She had not a nice life, not appreciated by her own mother and later by my brother. She had mental problem, but my brother knew before to marry her.
3 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
29 Mar 18
@LadyDuck Was the mental illness the reason of the divorce?
4 people like this
@Starmaiden (9311)
• Canada
28 Mar 18
Ive never been married. My mother was divorced but I was too young to know it or have it affect me.
:-)
4 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
28 Mar 18
Do you have a good relationship with your dad?
4 people like this
@Starmaiden (9311)
• Canada
28 Mar 18
@toniganzon Both of my parents are gone but my father and I were not particularly close.
:-(
4 people like this
@Starmaiden (9311)
• Canada
29 Mar 18
@toniganzon Ouch! That must have been devestating for you. :-(
2 people like this
@AKRao24 (27424)
• India
28 Mar 18
Like you said in India also divorce was not very co0mmon till recent times! But in the young generation it is getting increasing ! though I never experienced divorce, but I have seen many couples getting divorce and the ordeals they go through before getting it which I ffel very bad personally! Thanks!
4 people like this
@AKRao24 (27424)
• India
28 Mar 18
@toniganzon , Yes, In India Divorce is legal one! Thanks!
3 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
28 Mar 18
Not common but is it legal there? Coz it isn't here at all.
4 people like this
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
28 Mar 18
Currently in our family, no one is divorced. It is a little taboo subject, but I think everyones marriage is alright or if there are problems they just deal with it.
I do know people divorced just not family wise.
Good to hear she is no longer in the relationship (soon) and will be free.
3 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
28 Mar 18
She is already free.
She filed the divorce last month and it was finalised last Thursday.
3 people like this
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
29 Mar 18
@toniganzon Ohhh gotcha! Glad she is free now :)
3 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
29 Mar 18
I hope the same for her and I believe she will. The mere fact that she felt freedom only means she is much happier now than when she was married.
3 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
29 Mar 18
True. I was careful not to tell her I was expecting it. But I told her she seemed unhappy in her marriage. And you are right. IN her situation, divorce is the best solution. Though I know she's not a woman who would immediately jump into dating another man soon, I hope he'll find a man not from her country who can truly make her happy.
3 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
28 Mar 18
It's difficult having the children involved but like what Jeff said, his is working out well.
2 people like this
@sprite1950 (30453)
• Corsham, England
31 Mar 18
I never officially married but I did live with the father of my children for 10 years so I was his common law wife as it is described over here. It made things far less complicated when we split.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
31 Mar 18
We call it this same way here, a common law wife.
My husband's cousin got pregnant when she was 17 years old and her father was an active church member. Her parents were so adamant for her to get married to the boy who impregnated her, but my mother-in-law convinced them not to make such mistake. First they're too young to get married, second if things don't work out, separation would be much more complicated. Good thing they listened to her. Now she's married to another guy and not her baby daddy and she's happy.
It's very common in this country for young people to get married for all the wrong reasons and one of them is getting pregnant. Marriage is not always the answer even if you think you're that so in love. Love, maturity, financial stability, and other things first must be considered before getting married.
3 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
31 Mar 18
@sprite1950 I think you would have even regretted it if you were marrried. You did the right thing. For me marriage is forever. And if I couldn’t have that with another person I’d rather not get married with or without children.
2 people like this
@sprite1950 (30453)
• Corsham, England
31 Mar 18
@toniganzon I completely agree. Both our children are registered in my name and they saw their dad regularly when they were young. There was a little bad feeling when we first split but we got over it and all get on well now. I don't regret my decision not to marry.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (61047)
• United States
30 Mar 18
I have never been divorced and most of my friends haven't either. My son got divorced and it was ugly.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
31 Mar 18
I’m so sorry your son had to go through that. Most separation doesn’t end up really well at all.
2 people like this
@Letranknight2015 (51523)
• Philippines
29 Mar 18
Nope I'm single. I think you're friend did the right thing, it was kinda sad when they tie the knot because things began to change. Right now in my opinion that if DIVORCE becomes legal in our country, I may not consider settling down or getting married. But this is a huge help to a lot of unhappy marriages since we got man and woman who just couldn't keep their sacred vows.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
29 Mar 18
And that's because they get married for the wrong reason. I think what our country needs before jumping into the divorce law is education. Our government should focus on improving our quality of education.
2 people like this
@Letranknight2015 (51523)
• Philippines
31 Mar 18
@toniganzon Education is indeed the best weapon. There's just so much to be done.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
28 Mar 18
I don't have a say whether it's better or not. I'm not sure the divorce law will pass at all. They have to change the Civil Code for that and it's going to be costly and it's going to be taken out from our own pockets.
2 people like this
@rakski (112925)
• Philippines
1 Apr 18
@toniganzon that is so true. they need a lot of things needed to be done.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
28 Mar 18
In the case of an abusive marriage, that's a really good reason to get out of the marriage, whether the abuse is physical or mental.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
30 Mar 18
That's wonderful. We usually graduate in college here at the age of 20. Too young to get married. But I got married at 26.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
30 Mar 18
@DianneN During my time we graduate in high school at 16 and go straight to college for four years. We don't have middle school. Elementary back then was Grades 1-6 and we graduate elementary at 12 and then high school is four years we call that First year to fourth year and we graduate high school at 16. So we finish college at 20 and either go to work or graduate school, or go to med school or law school.
But about three years ago or four years ago we changed our educational system. Now we have Grades 1-12. We call this system the k-12. So students now go to college at 17 or 18.
2 people like this
@DianneN (246818)
• United States
30 Mar 18
@toniganzon We usually start college at 17 or 18, right after high school, and attend college for four years. Then graduate school. I married at 22, but that's what we did back then. Now the kids wait longer.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
29 Mar 18
I doubt that as well. All South Korean people I've met marry for practical reasons. I can count only one couple who really got married for love. But divorce is something that's really a bit unacceptable especially to a woman's part. When a South Korean woman gets divorced, she usually ends up with nothing and no future.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
30 Mar 18
@YrNemo Long time ago, before she was even married, I told this friend of mine that I think she's better suited with a foreign man who's more open minded like her and not a Korean man.
The first woman president in there country was impeached. This country wasn't ready for a woman to lead not only their country but even at work. But I've seen improvements over the years though. The open-minded men are those who have lived in another country like my country and the US. But those who haven't, are still too conservative and narrow minded.
2 people like this
@YrNemo (20261)
•
29 Mar 18
@toniganzon They need to fight for their rights, those South Korean women! (not so that they could plan a good divorce, but because there should be fairness everywhere!)
2 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
29 Mar 18
That sounds like a pretty lonely marriage to me. I cannot imagine never sleeping with the person I was married to. If they aren't sleeping together n baby will arrive though either. I'm glad she is free now and happy. Here the divorce rates is something like 75%. It's very sad to me.
2 people like this
@1hopefulman (45123)
• Canada
3 Apr 18
I was married twice and divorced twice. It was not my choice and it was a painful experience both times.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45123)
• Canada
4 Apr 18
@toniganzon Well, I can't say it was easy or something that I was looking for. However, life is life and sometimes we get huge challenges that come our way and it is best to face them and move forward. My faith and trust in God was what kept me going. I know that one day all these problems will have lost their power as a new world opens up before us. 
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
5 Apr 18
@1hopefulman that's true. I guess I just couldn't really understand how people could get into marriage and then divorce and do it again and again.
Here, a lot of you people get married for the wrong reasons and yes they end up separated since no divorce here and then find new partners in life again. But those are brought about by their immaturity and lack of proper guidance from their parents.
But real mature people who got into marriage for love just don't fall out of marriage. I might be idealistic but that's just how I perceive marriage to be.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
4 Apr 18
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I believe that marriage comes because you love and in love with the person. And it's something to be cherished for a life time. Some things though don't just work out like that and I can't imagine falling in love twice and falling to keep the marriage twice as well. Must be really hard.
1 person likes this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
9 Apr 18
I'm divorced and have been for 12 years, it was hard for the first 18 months/2 years while going through the divorce but not I looking back and it was the right thing to do. We shouldn't have got married in the first place but we all do silly things when we are younger.
I have three kids from my marriage, they are great, hope they don't have to go through a divorce when they decide to marry but I think it's become the norm here in the UK. You hear of so many people getting divorced.
1 person likes this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
14 Apr 18
@toniganzon I think when you marry you don't really know that person fully, it's only over the years you get to know the person you married and people change over years, maybe more so these days. I sure there are couples that survive marriage but I do know a lot of divorces that happened over the last 10/15 years.
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
16 Apr 18
@kevin1877uk So how about living together before getting married? The only way to get to know someone is if you live with them and stay with them for most of the days.
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
9 Apr 18
Young people are easily swept away by the concept of love and without guidance they usually end up getting divorced or separated.
In here, family has a lot to say when one gets married, though these days, young people ignore their family's opinion. I may be a meddling mother, but I know that when that time comes for my son to decide on that, I think I would have a lot to say.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
2 Apr 18
Would be too difficult to make that into law. I can't understand why they're wasting money on passing it into law when there are other laws that are way more important than a divorce. And there are too many problems needing attention in our country that requires a lot of money.
1 person likes this
@wiLLmaH (8801)
• Singapore, Singapore
2 Apr 18
@toniganzon maybe they are seeing many people needing this law?
@wiLLmaH (8801)
• Singapore, Singapore
4 Apr 18
@toniganzon very well said.
Teenage pregnancy right now is a huge problem in Philippines, infidelity too.
@Bensen32 (27519)
• United States
2 Apr 18
I have been divorced twice, the first one I never talk to anymore, I did hear she has been married and divorced 4 more times. That is crazy. My second one, we had kids and we decided together to divorce and we still get along today, we moved on before hating each other and we are both better for it I think.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
2 Apr 18
I wonder what led to the divorce but you don't have to answer that. Too personal I think.
But I'm sure you felt you were marrying the right persons then.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
3 Apr 18
@Bensen32 True, nobody wants to stay miserable. if there's only a way people could see that first before jumping into marriage to avoid divorce.
@Bensen32 (27519)
• United States
3 Apr 18
@toniganzon people change and sometimes it is best to move on then live miserable and make the whole family miserable.
