Took Me by Surprise
By Amber
@AmbiePam (85249)
United States
March 31, 2018 1:14pm CST
Yesterday I was watching a television show, and it was one of those episodes that showed flashbacks. It's always interesting to see how people looked like years ago and to see how they changed. Sometimes you think people on TV never age, but then you see them how they were several years ago and you're like, oh! I guess I'm not the only one who looks differently.
So as I'm watching this I'm thinking , I remember watching that episode, and I remember what I was doing at that time in my life. And all of a sudden, my late mom popped into my head. She's been gone almost three years (died of dementia at age 55), but I hadn't gotten really sad in a few months. And then good memory after good memory flashed into my head and I started crying. I then inwardly chastised myself for doing that, but the tears came anyway.
I'm grateful for the good memories. The years I helped my dad take care of her I couldn't remember how she used to be. I guess one's mind does what it has to do to cope, because I just couldn't remember the times when she was well. When the subject of my mom would come up I would ask people what they remembered about her because I was hoping it would trigger memories. Now, I don't need that.
This is a picture of my mom, when she was sixteen, back in 1975. She was about to marry my dad (She wasn't pregnant, and I tell you that because people actually asked her if she got married that young because she was pregnant. My older sister came along 3 years later.). I think she was so pretty. People say I look like her, but I know I'm not as pretty as she was! I certainly miss her.
To make this a discussion, what is the last thing that took you by surprise? Those of you who lost someone dear to you, how long was it before you could think of them without crying or feeling sad?
And @Courtlynn you know what show I'm talking about!
So as I'm watching this I'm thinking , I remember watching that episode, and I remember what I was doing at that time in my life. And all of a sudden, my late mom popped into my head. She's been gone almost three years (died of dementia at age 55), but I hadn't gotten really sad in a few months. And then good memory after good memory flashed into my head and I started crying. I then inwardly chastised myself for doing that, but the tears came anyway.
I'm grateful for the good memories. The years I helped my dad take care of her I couldn't remember how she used to be. I guess one's mind does what it has to do to cope, because I just couldn't remember the times when she was well. When the subject of my mom would come up I would ask people what they remembered about her because I was hoping it would trigger memories. Now, I don't need that.
This is a picture of my mom, when she was sixteen, back in 1975. She was about to marry my dad (She wasn't pregnant, and I tell you that because people actually asked her if she got married that young because she was pregnant. My older sister came along 3 years later.). I think she was so pretty. People say I look like her, but I know I'm not as pretty as she was! I certainly miss her.
To make this a discussion, what is the last thing that took you by surprise? Those of you who lost someone dear to you, how long was it before you could think of them without crying or feeling sad?
And @Courtlynn you know what show I'm talking about!17 people like this
10 responses
@Juliaacv (48616)
• Canada
31 Mar 18
Your mother was so very beautiful!
God bless her soul.
I lost my Dad almost 9 years ago.
And there are times that I can think of him and not cry, but there are more times that I cannot help but to cry when I think of him. And he suffered in the end, and I do not wish him back for that by any stretch of the imagination. But, like you, I loved my parent, and I sometimes feel lost without him in this world with me. Even though I know that he is in my heart, and I have been blessed with so many years of wonderful memories, sometimes it doesn't feel like enough.
When I get really low-you know that feeling.......I will do a good deed, for someone that I do not know, in memory of him. And somehow that seems to lift my heart enough to continue on. Dad comes to me in my dreams, and he told me that he is working on a bench, its a big one, that him, my mother, and my 3 brothers and I can all fit on. He told me that he'll have it finished when the first of us remaining comes to heaven. Until then he is doing his work and he tells me to do mine.
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (85249)
• United States
31 Mar 18
@Juliaacv Oh, don't be sorry.
I have wondered what my mom is doing in Heaven. I mean, I assume we want to meet Jesus first, but I know my grandfather will be waiting for her. Knowing my mom she'll have tried to meet all the apostles. But after Jesus, I know she was most looking forward to her dad and her maternal grandmother.
And you are right: we still have a lot of living ahead. And I think we've still got good things coming.
I have wondered what my mom is doing in Heaven. I mean, I assume we want to meet Jesus first, but I know my grandfather will be waiting for her. Knowing my mom she'll have tried to meet all the apostles. But after Jesus, I know she was most looking forward to her dad and her maternal grandmother.
And you are right: we still have a lot of living ahead. And I think we've still got good things coming.3 people like this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
31 Mar 18
I want to say General Hospital.. LOL.
She is.. was.. 
gorgeous!
I'm glad you have those good memories with her. Even bad memories can be good to have when someone passes. As they can still teach you things.
Sorry for your loss though, 
.
I've lost five people I was close to growing up. Two of them, was 13 and 12 years ago.. the others between 3-8 years. AIl of them still hurt, and I still cry. But some days I don't - I just smile and am glad I got that time with them.
gorgeous!
I'm glad you have those good memories with her. Even bad memories can be good to have when someone passes. As they can still teach you things.
Sorry for your loss though, .
I've lost five people I was close to growing up. Two of them, was 13 and 12 years ago.. the others between 3-8 years. AIl of them still hurt, and I still cry. But some days I don't - I just smile and am glad I got that time with them.4 people like this
@AmbiePam (85249)
• United States
31 Mar 18
That's a good attitude to have. You must have been really young when you lost those people.
And, you are right about the show! I always thought the actor who played Sonny looked the same, but wow, he's changed. But Alexis looks the same! Her surgeon is good for her to look the same at 62. I kind of wished they would have shown when Carly and Jason first met. It's a different actress, but we could pretend! It's just a shame we didn't get some of the old flashback memories because of recasts.
2 people like this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
1 Apr 18
@AmbiePam Yeah, my first lost was my favorite cousin when he was 21 and I was 12. then my great-grandmother exactly a year and four days later.
I always thought the same about Sonny too. But watched the episode tonight and was like WOAH! LOL.
2 people like this
@MsBooklover (3974)
• United States
31 Mar 18
I lost my Mom three years ago. I have not stopped crying. I miss her every single day. She loved me so much. She was so wonderful. Rarely, do I watch TV. Thus, nothing on TV takes me by surprise. Your mom is beautiful.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157462)
• United States
15 Apr 18
My answer is not specifically on topic. I came to realize that I met and married my first husband so young because God knew he would die young so we were dating at seventeen. Your dad and mom married because God had plans for them together and they needed to get to work enjoying the time that they had together. Yes, she is lovely, and so are you. I am glad your good memories are coming back to you.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (85249)
• United States
1 Apr 18
My dad was 20. She graduated high school at sixteen. I am very glad she got married that young. I came along when she was 21. Because she got married earlier and thus had a family earlier I got more years with her before she developed dementia. If she had waited for all of that I would have missed out on more time.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (325265)
• Rockingham, Australia
1 Apr 18
@AmbiePam That's true. Everything happens for a reason I guess and as you say it's good you had so many years with her. I wasn't being critical of such a young marriage but when I read it back now it sounds like it. It is so hard sometimes to say things exactly as you'd like to say them aloud. It was just a rhetorical question really. I would have been a terrible wife at 16.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (129350)
• Israel
1 Apr 18
@AmbiePam
Amber, your mother was very beautiful. I was sitting on the porch was thinking about families and my grandfather. I miss him so much and it makes me sad that I could not say goodbye to him. I can't remember if it was a closed casket and we sat in a separate room. He is buried in Minneapolis so I cannot even go visit his grave. I cry some times wishing he were here with me.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
5 Apr 18
She's really pretty and so are you. :-) Neat dress, too.
Sorry for your loss, and your pain. I hate to say, but.... never. Always hurts, always feels bad. Sometimes I can now think on good times, and remember without panicking. Sometimes I find writing helps. Hope you find something that eases the bad a little.
Don't feel bad to cry - it's natural and healthy.
*hug*
1 person likes this
