Know What Sucks?

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When your own mother shows clear preference to your brother even after your brother tries to grab a knife during an argument with you that he caused. My brother, who was not originally allowed in the house because everyone was fed up with his horrible attitude and dangerous behavior, had been staying in the house for 2 weeks because he would purposely during the freezing temperatures at night just sit on our house steps to make our mother pity him and beg us all to let him in. Once he was in everyone knew it would only be a matter of time before history would repeat itself and there would be an explosive event caused by him. Well that moment came a couple weeks ago, after a week of him transitioning from synthetic weed to alcohol as an addiction, he at random had outbursts cursing saying that he was sick of people talking about him and that he just wants to leave this house. I told him to go take a walk and then he switched his focus to attacking me verbally to which I told him well then if you want to leave there is the door. At that point he decided with our mother in front of him to charge at me. She tried holding him back but at this point I was so sick of everyone having to tip toe around him at my mother's request instead of telling him to get his act together for his sake and the sake of everyone in the house. So he and I were arguing back and forth cursing each other out. I am still seated this entire time with my laptop on my lap telling him that if he really wanted to fight he could come to me instead of him telling me to get up and go to him. (I am the type of person who will not lay a hand on anyone unless they do so to me first). My mother had gone off somewhere else and so my brother came up to me and round house kicked my laptop off my lap. Luckily it is still functioning but if he had moved closer just a bit more he would have kicked my face. This is when I finally got up and was ready to throw down however my sister had come downstairs and was now holding me back. She is 7 mos pregnant so I couldn't just toss her aside to go at him. I ended up sitting back down both of us still arguing and cursing. At one point he had gotten so mad at something I had said, I guess the truth hurts when you tell him about himself, and he had gone to the kitchen and was digging around the silverware drawer looking for a knife according to my sister. I was sitting again waiting to see what exactly he would bring back. He didn't though, I had pepper spray at the ready but with my sister in the way I had to be smart about when to whip it out. He came back empty handed and was still talking trash and I kept replying. That is when our mother came downstairs with 6 empty pill bottles saying that since we wanted to fight in 30 minutes she would be dead and we could just keep on fighting. I went upstairs with my sister after her calling 911 while on my way up the stairs choosing to focus on getting her help. That is when the coward that is my brother decided to get on the couch and throw punches at me through the banister luckily only managing to brush my cheek. I let it go and just went upstairs informing the police operator of what happened and what condition my mom was in. The entire time I am on the phone with them my brother is just screaming cursing me out saying all types of things to me like how I don't care about our mother and that because I wasn't there to keep her from taking the pills that I committed assisted suicide. Keep in mind he did not follow her after seeing the bottles, he did not call 911, nor did he try and get the paramedics in the house when the ambulance was arriving to our block. That was all me and my sister. When I finally heard the ambulance coming I went downstairs to flag them down, telling my sister to stay with our mom. My brother who was in the doorway pushed me with his body as I tried to squeeze by to get the paramedics to our house. I ignored it and just got them to take my mom and me to the hospital. I spent the rest of the night there until they decided to admit her. After the entire ordeal I went to get a protection order against him which I did. We were due for court the following week to get a more permanent one. The same night we had him served with the papers she just lets him back into the house. We swallowed our objections and just went to bed. The next morning after I leave for work he decided to blow up over me slamming the door because I had to rush out before I became late for work and because our sons boots were next to his things. My husband had called the police and got him out of the house finally. A few days after I explained to my mother that I would be going to court because I will not be risking my life, my son's life, or my husband's life just because she favors him. She proceeded to tell me that I was wrong and selfish for doing so because he is on probation ( a result of his own behavior and problems) and that I could have him in prison for it. I told her that is what he needs in order to realize that he needs to change. Her response was that she would be getting a lawyer for him. The night before court my step father sat us down to talk and see if there could be a way for me to avoid going to court and still find an agreement that works for me. And that if not then at least we could get our feelings off our chest. I told my mom how I know that my going to court will make her hate me and that I'll find a way to move out asap. I also told her how it feels so crappy to have her take his side even after he threatened to hurt me, one of her 4 children she claims to love equally. I told her how I know that I already was at a disadvantage because she didn't raise me because she didn't want me at birth after finding out I wasn't a boy and after she basically traded custody of me for custody of him. I explained how it hurt that he could have seriously hurt me and she would still be on his side all because he was the precious boy that gave birth to after giving birth to a disappointment like me. She proceeded to tell me he only acts this way because he feels like because we all found significant others we abandoned him, which is untrue. If a person behaved like a likable person, people would still be around that person. No one wants to be around a person who drinks himself dumb, is constantly bringing drama, and makes threats at the slightest sign of someone not agreeing with his behavior. At court I settled on one year of complete protection against him meaning no contacting me or threatening me or being in this house even. My mother got what she wanted, her son not in jail in turn for not having him around bringing problems instead of going to trial and having him thrown in jail. But I guess she doesn't even respect me enough for that because he still comes to our block and in front of the house and she lets him. She goes out and spends all of her time with him which is basically all day ever since court. We barely speak to each other and I just know she never really cared for me the way she claimed. I think the guilt of her not wanting me as a baby is the only reason she decided to let me back in her life. It sucks and it hurts and I hate that it hurts me but it is what it is. My stepfather apologized to me about how she responded to me the night before court and assured that even if things are the way I see them that he will always love me and be here for me and told me that I was a good daughter. That broke me. At this point I am just waiting for her to tell me just leave the house. I just need to know am I just seeing the whole situation in a biased way? Or is it as plain as I see it?