My Weekend - Cleaning Part 2

Peoria, Arizona
April 25, 2018 9:57pm CST
This is the second part of the hallway that was a part of my 5 hours of cleaning during last weekend when I went over to my dad's to dog sit. Though, this is a bit more of a somber post because I feel like ick. When I started cleaning my dad and step mom's house, I was feeling a bit cautious. Which I always do before I do anything nice. It is what I get for having terrible anxiety of people's thoughts! But I stuck with it. I cleaned 2 hallways, I mopped, I even cleaned their couches. I just wanted to do something good for them. If it wasn't for the sake of the dog's I might not have done it because it seems that the only thing these people are grateful for or say they are grateful for is when I watch their dogs so they can leave their house. anything else that I do, I get no word about it. I drew something for my dad for father's day last year, no thank you. I gifted them punch needle portraits for Christmas that I worked so hard on and mutilated my fingers but still no thank you was given. But hey at least it was put on their entertainment center, behind some speakers. Every time my dad calls he says that we should get together for a daddy-daughter date and has said that for the last 5 freaking years and it has yet to happen. I watched their sick cancerous dog for many many weeks, having anxiety attacks having to watch that poor dog suffer. I cleaned their home so they could come back from vacation not having to worry about cleaning. Cleaning walls that have probably never been cleaned since they have moved in. Including that disgusting hallway that caused the dogs to have allergies and cough fits and made their fur so grimy. And they have said nothing. and it hurts. It hurts so badly. I feel like I am 10 years old again wondering why my dad doesn't talk to me. I am literally sitting 2 feet away from him and he has not said a damn word to me for hours, staring off into the TV and we finally have a conversation while I am standing outside of his truck ready to go into my home him saying the same exact phrases every time like a broken record. I'm 22 years old crying about feeling invisible. This shouldn't be a thing! And if you say that I should have a conversation with him about this, I have, several times. I have written letters and talked in person and on the phone. My mom wrote letters when I was a child. And Nothing has changed. I wasn't looking for validation such as, "Wow, my daughter is the best!" I just wanted a thank you. Is that too much to ask for? Am I a terrible person for wanting a thank you for something they didn't even ask for me to do? I honestly feel like any time I do something for them, I did something bad. I have had several anxiety attacks and nightmares since Sunday thinking that the next time I see my stepmom she is going to be pissed because I cleaned her home thinking that she was not capable of doing it herself. It's so stupid. I'm an adult and I shouldn't be having these angsty emotions. If anything the cleaning wasn't really for my dad or stepmother. The mopping, the scrubbing, the sobbing pain I went through to do all of that, it was more importantly for the dogs. I want those dogs to feel loved and be healthy. As much as I want a thank you from my stepfamily, seeing the smiles one those dogs faces really didn't help.
3 people like this
4 responses
@mlgen1037 (29901)
• Manila, Philippines
26 Apr 18
I am sorry, Felicia. Sometimes, dogs are more appreciative than human. But yes, a simple thank you would have been nice.
• Peoria, Arizona
26 Apr 18
All I can get is an appreciative dog lick on the hand I guess.
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29901)
• Manila, Philippines
27 Apr 18
@DesirousDreamer The dog is able to appreciate. Why not people? hmmm
• Peoria, Arizona
27 Apr 18
@mlgen1037 Because dogs are built to be grateful to just be living. Humans are self absorbed.
1 person likes this
@Madshadi (8853)
• Brussels, Belgium
26 Apr 18
Did you try to start a topic, about his interests? Maybe it will get him to talk. Maybe your father's character is just like that and he doesn't open up easily. I'd keep trying
@Madshadi (8853)
• Brussels, Belgium
27 Apr 18
@DesirousDreamer don't feel bad. Many fathers are like that. Just be grateful to have him around for all his goods and bads
• Peoria, Arizona
26 Apr 18
I have tried to talk to him since the day I could utter words and he doesn't know how to talk to me. I am 22 years old and he barely knows a thing about me, he doesn't know my favorite bands, my favorite color, my favorite food. he doesn't know anything. And I know all of his, I know so much about him, but he just won't talk to me.
• Peoria, Arizona
27 Apr 18
@Madshadi I hate that line, it always makes me feel guilty for disliking him. When no one really knows the trouble and pain he has caused my family.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67002)
• United States
26 Apr 18
So sorry you spent all that time cleaning, especially for their dogs to hopefully get better; or least not worse, and they couldn't say a simple thank you. You should not feel the way you do, and it sucks hearing that you do.
@Courtlynn (67002)
• United States
27 Apr 18
@DesirousDreamer I get.. sadly. . Hope things change for you.
• Peoria, Arizona
26 Apr 18
It isn't a good feeling at all. And yet after so many years I still feel it. I shouldn't, but such is life right now
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116876)
• Anniston, Alabama
26 Apr 18
Well, since you feel they do not appreciate you, next time they need a dog sitter tell them you cant, you have plans.
• Peoria, Arizona
26 Apr 18
I need the money and I want to give those dogs a happy time. Only reason why I do it. It isn't for them, it is for the dogs.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116876)
• Anniston, Alabama
26 Apr 18
@DesirousDreamer You are a good woman!