A Part of Me Really Wants to Lash Out
By Felicia Kane
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
Peoria, Arizona
May 3, 2018 11:59am CST
I'm beyond pissed and heartbroken and I wrote about it before but I honestly didn't know how bad this was going to effect me.
I dog sit for my dad when he goes out of town with his wife to go camping. It is 6 dogs, a lot of waking up early, a lot of restless sleep, it is gross, my allergies go crazy, it is just not a fun time. But I do it because hey Money! And also I want to be a good daughter.
But I am so pissed off right now.
I dog sat for 3 weekends in a row, I don't get a single thank you from him. I get a thank you from his wife. But not him.
I surprised them with a clean house, yeah sure they didn't ask for it, but a little gratitude would have been nice. The dogs that live in that disgusting hallway were so happy and healthy after I cleaneed. I cleaned so much and have not gotten a word.
I made gifts for them and go not a word.
I honestly feel like I'm being used.
You know how long my dad has promised me a little daddy daughter date? He promises me this every single time we talk on the phone. For almost a DECADE
Yes I remember, I was 13 the first time he promised. The last time I spent time with him alone was on my birthday.
He picked me up as a regular visit because my parents are divorced but my dad had visitation rights. He cooked me a frozen dinner sandwich that was disgusting. Ignored me for 4 hours while he watched TV. And finally said happy birthday to me at the end of the night and actually forgot how old I was turning. 13 is a big year and it is rediculous that he forgot.
And that was the last time I actually went over there for visitation because I was hurt. I wasn't expecting and gifts or money or taking me out to dinner (even though everyone else in the family gets a dinner but I never did). But at least something, a chat of if I was excited for 8th grade. How my best friend was doing because she was a day older than me and she had an amazing party her dad threw her! He could have asked if I was excited for high school the next year. Something, anything.
But he didn't.
And now in a few months I am turning 23 and I don't want to abandon my dad like my brother and sister have. But I can't help but feel so heartbroken because I feel so used. Yeah he pays me for take care of his dogs. But to not actually show graditude it hurts.
I want to scream this all at him. Because he asked me to dog sit again. I just don't know what I should do. I don't know if I should lie and say that I am busy or actually text him and confront him with how I am feeling.
10 people like this
10 responses
@andriaperry (116860)
• Anniston, Alabama
3 May 18
Talk to him. Sounds to me he does not know how to act around children, grown children either. Tell him how you feel, how he never tells you thank you and that it hurts your feelings that he does not acknowledge you. He can`t read your mind so tell him, if you want to dog sit do it but you have to stop this now by telling him how he hurts your feelings. Began the talk/ text with I need to say something that has been on my mind and go at it! one long text or one long phone call. I perfer the phone call so he can hear your hurt.
Remember grandma? You told her off about your work and things got better, right?
2 people like this
@Daelii (5619)
• United States
3 May 18
I'm so sorry! I have to totally agree here ^
Talk to him. I don't want to make exscuses for him but I really think women are better at communication than guys.
Its a great thing you are doing. But seriously, 6 dogs is a lot.
You should be able to have a more positive relationship with your dad. Does he know how you feel? Tell him!
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
I did send him a message, I told him how I felt and a lot of stuff that I have been wanting to say. I didn't want to deal with a phone call, I am much better in writing, and a bit more dramatic.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
@Daelii I have told him, will he listen? I don't know. my mom wrote him letters for years and he didn't change. This will probably just make him ignore me completely.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (169940)
• United States
3 May 18
IF you can discuss your feelings without becoming unglued in the process is probably the best thing to do. A text message might allow you to maintain your composure. I would just think carefully about what you want to say however, and avoid a message he would consider "dumping on him."
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (169940)
• United States
4 May 18
@DesirousDreamer Always before an interaction you should think what you want to get out of it. IF you are satisfied this is going to have the desired effect,,maybe it is the right thing to do, but you might just make things worse..Maybe your dad is a jerk..but it seems like you want to have a relationship with him, and most don't take kindly to being dumped on even if they deserve it.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
@snowy22315 That absolutely did not make me feel any better. I probably did make things worse. I probably just lost an entire family.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
Too late, I did dump it all on him and it wasn't even a third of all the stuff I wanted to tell him. I was nice but also harsh. Why should I maintain my composure when I had held my composure for 17 years and did not lash out at him once when I saw him taking care of my step siblings and not his own kids.
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (74554)
• East Tawas, Michigan
3 May 18
Voice the truth and tell him just exactly how you feel! Not in anger or to pick a fight. Tell your Dad that he is negligent and the least thing he can do, is give you a sincere 'Thank you!' He's basically, taking advantage of you, let him know this is not O.K.
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
I told him how I felt neglected and such. Haven't heard bad. Kind of proves the point that he always ignores me.
1 person likes this
@kobesbuddy (74554)
• East Tawas, Michigan
4 May 18
@DesirousDreamer He's probably in denial, thinks he hasn't done anything wrong.
@porwest (78761)
• United States
3 May 18
I stopped speaking to my father for nearly twenty years after he left my mom for a younger woman—although he was always a philanderer. He was in the Navy, spent a lot of time at sea, and when he was home didn't spend much time with me and I resented him for a lot of that. It wasn't until much later in life I realized he was who he was, I wasn't going to change him, and expecting him to be what I desired him to be was never going to happen, so I finally just accepted that and now we have a fairly good relationship.
2 people like this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
I tried to accept who he was, a self-absorbed prick. But then I see how he treats and loves and cares for my step-siblings. I can't accept that and probably never will. I don't hate my step siblings. I'm just upset that he never treated me with the same love.
1 person likes this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
9 May 18
@DesirousDreamer It can be a very difficult thing to accept for sure.
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
3 May 18
I am sorry, Felicia. But I think it would be better if you tell him how you feel. It is your right as a daughter at be loved and appreciated. 
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
i did tell him, I told him all I could and I don't know what is going to happen.
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
5 May 18
@DesirousDreamer That is very brave of you, Felicia. Hoping for the best.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
@mlgen1037 As am I, but who knows.
1 person likes this
@Starmaiden (9311)
• Canada
3 May 18
It is best to tell him how you feel. Just say "No" if that is what you want to say. Respect yourself, even if he cannot. 
2 people like this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
I told him no and a whole lot of other things. I have no idea what is going to happen next, but dog sitting sure isn't one of them.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
4 May 18
all along i thought you were an only child, so everything that you're doing is truly admirable.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
Nope, I have 2 half siblings and 4 step siblings and all of them don't talk to me.
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
I did send him a message. Will he understand after that? I honestly don't know.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
3 May 18
Honestly, I'd tell him how you feel. As it's gone on too long already and it's not helping you any by keeping it in.
Goodluck either way.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
I did tell him, I have no idea what is going to happen.
1 person likes this
@thislittlepennyearns (58134)
• Defuniak Springs, Florida
4 May 18
Tell him you two need to sit down and have a actual real conversation or you aren't going to dog sit for him anymore. All he wants to do is take take take it seems, and he doesn't want to give you want you want and need which is a real relationship with him.
You may have to come off as harsh at first, but hopefully he will understand and change.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
4 May 18
I told him that I would gladly take care of the dogs again after we make some progress with our relationship.
I was pretty harsh, if you want I can send you the message I sent him.
