It's been one day
By Felicia Kane
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
Peoria, Arizona
May 4, 2018 1:28pm CST
It has been exactly one day since I have confronted my father because of how much he has hurt me.
I told him how I feel more like an employee rather than his daughter. I know his house better than I know his face. I haven't seen him step out of his vehicle in almost 2 years. I haven't spent any time alone with him in almost a decade.
I unfortunantly gave him an ultimatum. I will not dog sit for him, until he treats me like his daughter, until we sit down and talk, until we make progress.
He read the message an hour after I sent it. And I have gotten nothing.
I know he is mad, I know he is upset. Why is another one of his kids making him feel like he is a bad dad? Why is his last blood related kid yelling at him saying that he neglects them? It is crazy! Why why why?
Because he makes his kids the villians. Because he cannot handle the fact that he screwed up.
A long time ago I wished my dad would just forget about me because I knew he loved his new family more. I thought that was just my childish nature because "daddy left mommy and me."
He disowned his other two kids. My half brother and half sister. He told me up front that I was the last kid to talk to him.
It makes me scared that he is going to disown me as well. I fear that my entire step family is going to hate me. I am petrified that my grandmother (his mother) is going to reject me.
But there is also a slight comfort, I did confront him. 17 years of this mental abuse. Feeling like I am nothing to him, feeling like he didn't want me. Knowing at one point he didn't want me. Knowing at one point he did not think I was his kid. I'm comforted by not faking a smile around him anymore.
I love him, because he is my dad and gave me life. But I hate him because he is my father and he wasn't there and probably won't be there when I'm finally creating my life and being successful.
I wish he would just talk to me so we can fix this, but he is a coward, he is selfish, and he will eventually end up alone which he fears if he keeps treating his family like this.
8 people like this
11 responses
@andriaperry (116860)
• Anniston, Alabama
4 May 18
Now that you got that off your back, you should stand tall and be proud of yourself. Now that you are facing your demons I see that you can and will be one strong successful woman. 
4 people like this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
I feel like for the last few years I have been confronting people more and getting rid of toxicity. I don't want to get rid of my father, obviously, but if he doesn't want to talk to me, that is just his fault.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116860)
• Anniston, Alabama
5 May 18
@DesirousDreamer You are right. Some times we have to step back from the people we love so much so that we can live happy, even though it can be heart breaking. I hope he will come around and do the right thing.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
8 May 18
@andriaperry I hope so too, but if he doesn't, it will hurt but it isn't like I did not try. And that is what matters the most.
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
Thank you, it is rough but it could always be worse.
@yukimori (10144)
• United States
4 May 18
If you don't want your kids to feel that you're a bad parent, you shouldn't be a bad parent.
The sad reality is that there are people out there who are so broken that they consistently sabotage their own relationships. Once they're finally out of people to abuse and/or use, they wonder why nobody wants to be around them and blame everyone else for their problems. They don't have the capacity for self-reflection that would show them that the common denominator in all of the torched relationships is actually them and their behavior. It sounds like your sperm donor is one of them.
If it helps, you're not alone in experiencing things like this. Take a look around the forum I'm linking to; even though it's on Babycenter it's full of people who are intimately familiar with the dynamics of dysfunctional family relationships. I think there was a post made yesterday that was really similar to what you're going through, should be on the first or second page of the board.
It's not your fault that he can't be the parent you deserve. If he disowns you, it's because he would rather get his way through bullying or just have a tool that he can use to watch his pets once in a while. He's not interested in doing the work to forge an adult relationship with any of his children. That's on him, not you and your siblings. Likewise, if his mother decides to reject you, that's a her problem. Keep in mind that he picked up his toxic behavior problems from somewhere; chances are it has a lot to do with the dynamics in his own family of origin.
https://community.babycenter.com/groups/a6728031/all_in_the_family
2 people like this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
When he was first with my mom he told her that he afraid of being like his father, which is why he is like this now. Just abandoning his own kids to have his own life. I don't understand why people would even want to have kids if they are going to reject them. Even though I wasn't even supposed to exist, he didn't ask for me.
It is his loss if he doesn't want to patch things up, I hate that if he is that childish, I will lose an entire family. But anyone who saw me growing up of how miserable I was, they would understand why I said what I said.
I know my situation is not rare and that is so unfortunate.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
4 May 18
You're very strong for telling him how you feel. And I'm glad you did it. Just remember, no matter if things get better or not.. you're not the problem.
3 people like this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
6 May 18
@DesirousDreamer You're very welcome.
It took me years to figure this out myself, with my 'dad'.
Goodluck
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
Thank you, that actually means a lot and that helps so much. I don't know if things will get better and if they don't, that's his loss.
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
7 May 18
@Courtlynn Yeah, he still hasn't spoken to me, but whatever! Oh well!
1 person likes this
@stapllotik (1933)
• India
4 May 18
Message me his number. I will speak to him for your good.
2 people like this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
I will pass on that haha but I appreciate the thought.
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
4 May 18
Then he does not deserve to be called your father. I am sorry, Felicia. You are not suppose to go thru this becaue you are a good person. But I am proud that you are able to tell him how you feel. He needs some knocking on his head.
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
Thank you. That he does need some knocking on his head. 3 kids and he doesn't want any of them, who even does that? If he doesn't want me, that is his loss
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
8 May 18
@mlgen1037 He is just self-absorbed but oh well, if he wants to be that, then fine.
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
6 May 18
@DesirousDreamer Youre most welcome, Felicia.
I cant describe your father. He is someone I do not want to have as a father. It is his loss, I agree with you.
@rakski (112925)
• Philippines
4 May 18
Well, if he does not want to do anything with and treat you like that might as well not have him at all.
It is nice to know that after all this you have been through you try your best to be a good daughter to your father. Ans you tried hard to fix this. But if he or any of his family does not recognize that then I dont think they deserve you.
You deserve so much better with or without them. Do not be afraid if they will hate you or reject you. You deserve love, care and respect as a daughter and as a person. And if they cannot give that then they are the ones who have problems.
Live happy and freely my friend. You deserve much much more.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
Though I hate that mentality, you are right.
I have tried to fix things for year, I suffered for years just to spend time with him. It is just getting ridiculous.
Thank you so much I hope things can get better, but if they don't, I have a lot of love from others.
I applaud you for standing up for yourself too.@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
Yeah, that is what I am doing. I'm trying not to think about it too much
@Plethos (13560)
• United States
8 May 18
@DesirousDreamer - all that matters now is how you deal with it.
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
I'm going to be successful and if he keeps being this way, he is going to miss it. He may have shown up to my concerts and my graduation, but I always felt a disconnect like it was an inconvenience because he wasn't around to talk that much. And it sucks, but if he is going to be that way, such is life.
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
It is pretty rough, but this is my life right now and I just have to wait and see what happens
@Starmaiden (9311)
• Canada
4 May 18
That sounds like the relationship I had with my father. I never thought about him as I was growing up. It would be best if you just let him be and get on with your own life. If you have to force it, then it will never be worth your time or the emotional effort you put into it. Save yourself from any more heartache.
1 person likes this
@DesirousDreamer (34783)
• Peoria, Arizona
5 May 18
I would hate to lose him because I do love my father which is why i tried so hard to rebuild that relationship. But I am an adult now and I need to be treated like an adult and if he is going to act like a child and ignore me. I don't need that in my life. I have better things to do
1 person likes this
