Another gig tonight. Why won't my "pretend son's" mom ever come to our gigs?

@TheHorse (72440)
Walnut Creek, California
May 12, 2018 7:16pm CST
A band I'm in called the "Diablo Rhythm Wranglers" will be doing a gig tonight at Bonehead's BBQ in Lafayette CA. Stop on by if you're in the area. I always invite my 9-year-old friend and his mom, but they never show up. I wonder why. I've introduced the kid to guitar and mandolin, and he and I sing in key together. Could his mom be jealous of my influence on her son? I only teach him good stuff (woodworking, music, etc.). She is from Croatia, and the kid's biological father is back in Croatia now, and not in the kid's life. I mostly play bass in this band, but I'll grab the guitar and sing lead on a few songs, including Pancho and Lefty, Paradise, and Take Me Back to Tulsa. In the band, I share Pancho and Lefty with the band leader's husband. I think my vocals are better than his, but I don't mind sharing. Have you been in situations where others "avoid" you for reasons you can't fully understand? I'd think my young friend's mom would want him to be involved in as much music a possible. He and I have actually worked out some songs that we can sing with no instruments behind us. He has "the gift."
13 people like this
15 responses
@chavezrmc (5777)
• Philippines
13 May
Just go on with the friendship with kid, never mind the mom lol, but of course just be frienldly she might change.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
That's my plan. I enjoy my time with him and want to be a good influence on him. His mother's issues are not my issues, unless she pays me $120/hour.
3 people like this
@chavezrmc (5777)
• Philippines
13 May
@TheHorse on second thought maybe you can ask your friend if there is an issue so you will know where to start and i'm sure you can hanldle it well. If he is a friend, then there should be no secrets It will be good if your relationship with the mother is good as with the son.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
@chavezrmc We do occasionally do stuff as a "family." We went hiking a few weeks ago, and have made dinner together, etc. But she's evasive when I ask about gigs.
@GardenGerty (102535)
• United States
13 May
It may be that she would consider it "chasing" you or appearing to be pursuing a relationship. Perhaps in her culture women would not go to those engagements alone.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
I don;t know anything about Croatian relationships between men and women. But it's starting to be a burden to me. I left the middle of the day open to go to the pool with the child, as she had asked me if I could do so in the middle of the day, when she had to work. But then she got home and said that she was taking him somewhere to celebrate her birthday, and that he couldn't come to the pool.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (58867)
• United States
13 May
Good God Man! Just ask the woman is there a reason?
2 people like this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
I have learned not to expect a straight answer from her. The kid and I just have fun together when we get the chance.
2 people like this
@andriaperry (58867)
• United States
14 May
@TheHorse Why not ask her out to dinner? Seems like you are attracted to her.
@Tampa_girl7 (26219)
• United States
13 May
I wouldn’t worry with it. I’ve heard you play and it’s her loss.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 May
Thanks. I don't think she dislikes the music. I think it may be her worry about having to spend money.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (85144)
• United States
13 May
That's a shame that she didn't take you up on your offers. Perhaps she's shy.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
Maybe the thought of being around my adult friends is somehow intimidating to her. She is from Croatia but speaks decent English. Her son has met several of my friends at my house. But she has not.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (85144)
• United States
13 May
@TheHorse Could be.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
@DianneN I'll provide more info if I figure it out. Today I have to be selfish and focus on grading papers.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (176765)
• Switzerland
13 May
May be she is a private person and she does not want to give you the feeling she is chasing you.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
Hmm. But I'm the one inviting her.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (176765)
• Switzerland
13 May
@TheHorse It's sometimes hard to understand a woman from such a different culture.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
@LadyDuck That is true. Her son is a fascinating combination of different cultures. At 9-years-old, he speakers passable English, Croatian, and German, and has been exposed to the nuances of all three cultures.
1 person likes this
@arunima25 (8547)
• Bangalore, India
13 May
Talk politely to her and try to find out what is the reason. Sometimes we create confusion in our mind with our thoughts woven by us and the reality is different. So have a honest talk. I feel a good communication clarifies a lot of things and make it easier
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
I agree that we weave stories in our own minds that don't coincide with reality. I have asked her, but she has been evasive. Maybe she thinks she has to spend money. But I've told her dinner is on me.
@arunima25 (8547)
• Bangalore, India
14 May
@TheHorse I think she has some inhibitions and not being honest with you.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 May
@arunima25 Her son said today that she doesn't want to have to buy dinner. I think the language barrier is something of an issue.
@just4him (127235)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
14 May
People are just hard to understand. Just be patient. Maybe someday they will show up. You could show her those pictures of the kids enjoying themselves at your gigs. It might help her show up to one of them.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 May
I think the reason might involve money. She's just scraping by here in the US (she's from Croatia and started here with very little) and may feel obligated to buy something.
1 person likes this
@just4him (127235)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
14 May
@TheHorse That's an excuse even I use for not going somewhere.
@Shavkat (65270)
• Philippines
13 May
Uhm! That's something. Perhaps you need to serenade her first and she'll come to your gigs. Is that possible?
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
Heh. I think she's heard me playing plenty of times.
1 person likes this
@Shavkat (65270)
• Philippines
15 May
@TheHorse Have you ever tried to talk to her about it? I think it is better to discuss what's the reason.
@cintol (7847)
• United States
13 May
Maybe she has had very rocky relationships with men and doesn't feel comfortable around them. Its too bad if the boy has a talent for music and she won't let him express that, maybe you need to have a sit down with her and ask? Wish I lived in CA, it would be fun to go listen for a bit.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
When I ask her, she almost pretends that she doesn't speak English. I can't understand what she's trying to say.
1 person likes this
@cintol (7847)
• United States
13 May
@TheHorse Thats odd, it sounds like she is just uncomfortable with it, maybe she doesn't like to be around a lot of people. You do what you can, its all up to here, hopefully one day she will take up on the offer and see what a gift her son has.
@mlgen1037 (29626)
• Manila, Philippines
13 May
She might be shy or she is not into those kind of things but I think she appreciates how you teach her son with music and other stuff.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
She does show appreciation for the music "lessons" and woodworking "lessons." I'll have to as her again why she doesn't come to gigs.
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29626)
• Manila, Philippines
13 May
@TheHorse Thats great! And yes, better if you ask her than speculate.
@allen0187 (33914)
• Philippines
14 May
Happened to me a good number of times. I've just learned to move on with my life with these people.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 May
The youngun isn't going anywhere. We went to Trader Joe's this afternoon.
@AliCanary (1852)
13 May
It's completely possible she just isn't into that style of music, yes? I have a friend whom I really adore, but his band plays seriously ear-splitting, shrieky metal, and I'm not that enthusiastic about it!
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 May
I don't think it's the music itself.
1 person likes this
@Starmaiden (7643)
• Canada
13 May
There could be multiple reasons. She might think that it's a "bar" gig and doesn't want to subject her son. She may not like your particular music style, she may think it too late for her son to be out...etc. The only way to know for sure is to ask her.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (72440)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 May
I've made it clear that the gigs are early and kid-friendly. I have asked her, but she has given evasive answers.
1 person likes this
• Canada
13 May
Hmm that sounds weird. Maybe the mother doesn't feel comfortable in crowds? That's just a guess. I know I would go!! It looks like so much fun!!