Friend feels trapped
June 4, 2018 7:42am CST
My friend keeps coming to me for advice but I am at a loss myself. Right now, she lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with her older brother and his fiancee. She pays the rent and the bills as part of her commitment to helping him out after failing to get a permanent visa in New Zealand and now has moved to Australia in pursuit of better opportunities. It was all fine until he started easing into his usual entitled, authoritative persona as that older sibling who has to be respected, and followed. Fiancee, of course, is on his team so she doesn't find anything wrong with it. My friend, however, feels she deserves better since it's her money and would have loved a bit of consideration for example when it comes to TV time, things she wants to cook, even a space in the lounge room. But she feels they have taken over the whole space and she's left with a tiny one - her squeezy little bedroom. I think all these petty complaints have piled up so bad her reactions are out of proportion. She's gone grumpy, sensitive, and resentful over small little things. Their last argument was about, believe you me, beans. Anything I might be able to say or do as a friend?
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If your friend continues to keep things bottled up inside, the kettle will finally boil over and everyone will get burned. She HAS to put her foot down - lay down some rules. She is paying the rent and the bills - and has to suffer? - no, no, no! she must talk the matter over and lay down some rules - life is too short to allow oneself to be walked over.
• Manila, Philippines
Hi @Theresaaiza . I am sorry about your friend. But if your friend is feeling that way, I think it is better that they broke up instead of fighting over little things. It is not healthy for me when both of them expect to change for what the other wants.
I had the same idea, just not something she can do right now because her brother and his fiancee are both incapable. It will just be way too heartless. However, it seems as though they are a bit liberal with the little money they have - they go shopping often. Maybe, they'd be more responsible about living expenses if they didn't have her to depend on?