What do you really want? Hmmmm really now....
By vanny
@vandana7 (98823)
India
June 27, 2018 9:08am CST
All my cousins are well off. My friends too.
And honestly, I have enough to cover our food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, transport, and debts for the rest of our lives.
I think god did a splendid job considering from where I started.
But every now and then, inferiority complex does take over. My mind asks are they looking down on me? Are they laughing at me? Were my choices wrong? Would I have been better off had I not done this or that?
No...my friends are not looking down at me. I have fair set of people who are financially worse off and so I can afford to pat my back for my performance so far and feel grateful to god.
It takes common sense to realize that my little sister has been to New Zealand, which I never wanted to visit, has been to Australia, which gives me nightmares because of its sharks and poisonous snakes, and some cruise, which again scares the sh t out of me because I know the shark that is hell bent on eating me would be around.
I have nothing to envy, I have everything to be content about. Comparisons are stupid. She roamed, my money would be in the bank and eventually inherited by somebody. On flip side, I am taking care of two orphans, and one elderly person in an old age home. That is splendid! I doubt if she is doing that!
The only thing I can and should envy is ..she is knee deep into yoga, and has undergone tremendous transformation as a person to be a soft natured person, which I am not, and I believe I cannot afford to be till I am safe. I am a shrewd mean selfish emotionless machine, who can be nasty thanks to the stress.
God must have reasons.
Do you have peer comparison, and how do you surface from it? Are you sure what you envy are the right qualities to envy? I am sure it is the right quality to want.
10 people like this
11 responses
@andriaperry (116860)
• Anniston, Alabama
27 Jun 18
I work hard for my money, I try to take care of it so it`ll last me a long time.
As far an my siblings go, I have never wanted to be like any of them, I was the odd one and I am the one who does not do slave work to line someone else`s pocket.
Yes, God has his reasons.
I would love to travel.
6 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23393)
• United Kingdom
27 Jun 18
I must pull that apart for one I do not think you are selfish. You do so much for your father and others. 2 I do not think you are emotionless you love your little neighbour and the two children you support. Even the old person in the home. That is highly commendable. That is selfless not selfish.
As for me I am happy and content with my lot and my world. Ok I doubt anyone would turn down extra money if they had the opportunity of earning it.Apart from that I am pretty well content. I do not envy others for what they do or do not have.They have worked for it so good luck to them.
It is so sad to see those who envy.
4 people like this
@vandana7 (98823)
• India
27 Jun 18
Blush...well, those are things I should not have shared I suppose. LOL. No..not envy exactly. It is more of will I be left out if I do not have this and that...and will I be looked down. Envy would be I wish I had that. Society is such that people do get isolated even when others do not mean to isolate them. It happens to those who are not well off. I however wish I had the peace and calmness that my little sister has achieved with yoga. I truly wish I had that. It helps to keep the head clear and not get worked up at times.
4 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23393)
• United Kingdom
27 Jun 18
@vandana7 It is best to eradicate negative people from your private life.
2 people like this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
27 Jun 18
@vandana7 I believe that about yoga...And why don't you try...A little to start with
2 people like this
@noni1959 (9886)
• United States
28 Jun 18
You are doing an awesome job taking care of yourself and the orphans/elderly person. I don't speak with my siblings except on rare occasions. We had a falling out years ago and I don't wish their drama and hatefulness to be in my life. One sibling I did talk to passed away. She was not involved in the other three's "stuff." I don't envy any of them for anything they have or done. I'm still alive and anything I want to do I can still try to reach that goal. I went on a cruise and loved it. I've only been to Mexico as international and want to see Italy, India, Bavaria, Ireland and Japan. I'd love to do an Alaskan cruise. My income is low now that I had to retire but I know I can reach at least one goal with a lot of saving and budgeting.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98823)
• India
28 Jun 18
Well the orphans thing is just paying for them, and so also elderly person. I am not kind of taking them to hospitals, or sitting with them helping with their homework. My little sister I mention is actually my neighbor's daughter, whom I treated as a little sister. I do not have any siblings and my cousins are chuckling that I am unmarried and childless. They feel now my retirement savings belong to them. They go so far as saying you should opt for second hand vehicle instead of buying a new car. They also felt I wasted a lot of money on air conditioners, refrigerators and air coolers. Hmmm who gives them right to think that, law of course. :(
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98823)
• India
28 Jun 18
It is perspective actually. If I know 10 people, and they have all moved up the financial ladder, and have slowly moved up the social bracket, I suddenly find myself hesitating to ask them for anything which I might have easily asked for about 10 years ago. The chasm continues to expand, and I am left to sift through a new social group for somebody who might help me out should the need arise. As we age, we all need some help like running around to hospitals, making insurance claims, etc. Who to trust, how much, etc. Fear of being isolated lurks from that more than envy.
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
27 Jun 18
How can you be selfish when you just wrote about how you care for the kids and your dad
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98823)
• India
29 Jun 18
I do care about my neighbor's kids, but I do draw lines. Dad..yes. To an extent, I draw parallel's between DE and Dad. Like my Dad, DE too has done a lot for his daughter, and it is not easy for a man to do it. I can very well imagine emotions from daughter to father and father to daughter out there because I have lived through them, and am living through them. Being caring about parents or children is natural thing for evolved humans I feel. It is caring beyond that is super evolved person.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137145)
• United States
29 Jun 18
You might also wonder how and why she wishes to claim she is an emotionless machine when we can see and read that she cares about us here on myLot, if not in what she has written in her own discussions but in the words she uses in ours.
I know I can feel a loving friend when I am talking with her...
vanny is trying to fool someone, but it won't work on me! 
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98823)
• India
28 Jun 18
Your relatives too are like that? I don't understand folks who find asking others easy. I could never take easily from another person. Everything should be paid for. If I borrow, it means I need to pay interest. I have two hands two legs and a functional brain. Why must I take from a person who is socially and financially at a disadvantage? My maid does borrow heftily. I understand. But she is also honest and repays. So all is good. No interest is collected from her. But relatives want it for cars and jewelry. While I am good to give to maid for jewelry which will come handy in her old age, I am not ok with sparing it for relatives who have enough to spend 300000 dollars on a wedding. Come on!
2 people like this
