Gee, a new twist on pain and failure!

United States
July 6, 2018 3:35pm CST
I'll start with the temperature's in the 100 degree range. It's probably around 106, at least that's what it felt like when I stumbled out to do a mussel inspection a little while ago. We have to do mussel inspections for quagga and zebra mussels that have invaded from other countries. We're working at trying to keep them out of our lake. So every new boat gets a head to tail inspection. Needless to say it's hot work in this weather. I got an email from a "friend" that I promised a loan to a few days ago. I explained that I am not a prompt person and due to the way things are around here I don't always get things done right this minute. This time was the same as usual. I was delayed for many reasons, but the biggest reason was that I fell down a flight of stairs yesterday and wasn't moving around much without pain. Today isn't too much better. Her email today really didn't do much to make me feel good. In fact it added to my growing feelings of being a failure. It was bad enough having my failures thrown at me as a child and having them thrown at me as I was growing up and even as I was an adult. I feel them even worse now after the fire took my home and my animals. I feel like I failed them horribly as I wasn't there to save them from the flames....I sit and quietly cry at that, the biggest failure of my life! The feelings of failure haven't helped the pain I am suffering from from the fall and the heat. I look down at the remains of what was once my home and wish I had been in the house when it caught fire and I had been taken with my animals and everything else. Instead I am residing with a neat freak that breaks out the dust buster when I have a few bits of bear hair land on the white carpet. It drives me nuts that he will go around with the dust buster and clean up the areas that bear hair has fallen on, and do that daily. I'm trying to build up enough energy and courage to face the pain so that I can clean the room where I am allowed to store my stuff and arrange it so I can cut out bears there. I only have about 4 feet square to do the cutting in, but it'll be better than having Mr. Clean chasing the bear fur bits around the white carpet. The rest of the room where I store my bear stuff and my clothes is filled with my boyfriend's dead wife's stuff. It's a major memorial to her. That does a lot to add to my feelings of failure. Well, I did send the woman some money so she will get off my back. Hopefully she'll be satisfied. I'm going to either work on miniature bears or try to combat the pain which on a scale of 1 to 10 is at a 75, and clean the storage room. I'm going to make my decision and follow through with it.
2 people like this
3 responses
@RasmaSandra (17570)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
6 Jul
So sorry for your troubles. I know the Lord sees this and things will get easier for you. I have relocated to the US to Daytona Beach Florida in the tropics now. I have lots to explore and lots to take care of and for me, I had to get a sore toe so I am hobbling about. Wishing you all the best and sending virtual hugs.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul
Ouch! I can feel your sore toe!!! Especially if you're wearing shoes on it!!! As I told my care giver/checker, it's harder than anything to find shoes or sandals that do the proper job for the problem that you have. She suggested ordering them by mail and I had to explain how things are made in mass. When it's things like shoes the manufacturer will lay out close to a hundred layers of leather for the soles. Then the template will lower down and the presser will make the template cut through the hundred layers of leather or whatever material is used for the sole. As the template cuts through the layers the layers cut in and the size will get smaller. So the size might start at a size 9 and it might end up being a size 8. But when the shoe is finished it is still sold as a size 9. That's why I always buy my shoes and sandals locally and always try them on before I buy them. It's the same way with clothing and other things. I am currently bare foot in the house which not only helps my feet but also my legs. Hopefully it will help my legs too. If it doesn't I'll go to my pain doctor and complain to her on the 17th. I'm not handling the pain too well, although doing the work on the teddy bears is helping keep my mind off the pain like it usually does. I'm working on miniature bears that have to be hand sewn so all my attention has to be focused on them to be sure that I don't mess up the stitching. I'll post pictures of the finished bear next week when it's done. You will have so much fun exploring Daytona Beach!!! My Mom and I had a wonderful time exploring Fort Meyers and Fort Meyers Beach Florida. If I had the opportunity I'd go back in a heart beat! There are such wonderful shops and really super thrift shops!!! I really love the thrift shops there as the people's children will go there will go to clear up Mom or Dad's estate and will wind up donating most of the stuff that they collected through the years. A LOT of the stuff is collectables and vintage items so it is a antique and vintage dealer's paradise! Plus I found it was a great spot for finding Steiff bears and other Steiff Mohair animals. Both times that we were down there we drove home with a loaded car! ROTFL Luckily we didn't have any flat tires as it would have been a nightmare trying to change the tire with all the stuff in the back end of the car!. Thank you for the wonderful wishes and the hugs. I live for hugs! Both virtual and real ones. It helps me hurt less from the tumble yesterday. Please take care of you, and put an ice pack on your toe, it will help reduce the pain in the toe. If you were here you would have your foot and toe propped up and an ice pack on it an a nice iced drink for you to drink while you're letting your toe get to the point that it is hurting less. Take care of you and enjoy Daytona Beach. I send you tons of virtual hugs in return to hopefully help you heal a bit better and a lot faster. When your toe is feeling better, have a ball going through the stores and thrift shops there. Tons of Love and hugs Toni
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (17570)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
6 Jul
@BearArtistLady Thank you. After a while I can begin writing about my adventures here.
• United States
11 Jul
May I say you are not a failure because someone may think you are--- that is their perception of you and rather than accepting their version of you, demonstrate your you and surprise them !
• United States
11 Jul
I actually let others perceptions of me bother me for about an hour or two and then I'm busily doing my own thing again. I have books sitting beside me for designing teddy bears and miniature hats for them to wear. I spoke to the shop owner about getting more space to display my teddy bears and am planning to get busy and start really creating teddy bears for the shop and hopefully they will sell really well. No matter what happens I love making the teddy bears so I always have a bunch in process and I am always happy making bears...so I don't let the fools that judge me get me down for very long. I'm too busy being the me that I am and they can go suck a hot rock if they don't like me. Thank you so very much for your support and your response to my posting. It has helped me a LOT!
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jul
@BearArtistLady I would truly LOVE to see some of your collection. Do you have a web gallery where you sell them ?
@bagarad (12155)
• Paso Robles, California
11 Jul
I agree that the heat has been awful here. After reading this, I feel even worse that you did not let me carry that heavy sewing machine to the car for you. I'm sorry you are hurting so much. I understand space limitations. As you can saw, I need to better organize my space. I get very discouraged at my mess here. Iused to use this house for entertaining before we actually moved in. But when we moved in we had to move everything we had stored in the bedrooms into the living room. My husband took over the kitchen table to use as an office. I'm using the dining room table to sort things. I'd like to get my office functional enough so I could begin shipping things again. I used to love shopping at thrift shops, but now I could be opening one. I enjoyed meeting you today. Hugs!
• United States
11 Jul
Hopefully by now you've read my message to you. As I said last night, I will speak to the boss about a booth space. With the stuff you have we could use a small booth to start with. We should do well and then grow into a larger space. Your house was wonderful! I felt so comfortable from the moment I stepped on the mat at the front door and then walked through the front door. It is my kind of house!!! Don't ever feel the need to apologize for anything, including carrying the sewing machine to the car for me. My carrying the machine to the car helps keep me in shape and it was an honor to be able to carry it to the car. I'm going to be setting it up in about an hour to check it out and make sure it's okay to start using it for sewing and then it's off to work for me....after I call the Physical Therapy place and cancel the appointment for today. Sewing is going to be the best medicine for the pain that anyone can prescribe on the face of this earth. the second best medicine for the pain is chocolate. Anyhow it's off to get going and throw on some clothes and get to work so I can play with the sewing machine and start sewing. Love and Hugs Toni
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12155)
• Paso Robles, California
12 Jul
@BearArtistLady I hope the machine will be very healing for you. I read and answered your message. I agree that chocolate does wonders for pain. I still want to clear the living room and dining room so that I'll feel more comfortable in my house again. As for the booth, I'm not sure the value of my books is enough to pay for one even if everything sold -- except maybe some California history books that are out of print -- many 1st editions. Most of my books are just K-12 workbooks and wouldn't sell in an antique store.