Are you a product of a Broken Family?

@JustBhem (44080)
Davao, Philippines
July 10, 2018 8:33pm CST
This may sound so complicated for a discussion but I'd like to talk about it. I was 15 when Mother and Father need to go on their distant ways because Father needs to attend his 12 years imprisonment. He was a Police and was caught killing an addict during the Gun Banned here in Davao. Father need to endure the pain of living us. While Mother was free-spirited partying and having fun. She left us with our cousin who takes care of my younger Brother. While Mother was out the whole day working and at the same time going to places at night and end up drunk in the morning. One time, our younger Brother was very sick and a Mother should be the one to take care of him. She was out and was drunk when she got home. I ask her why she needed to leave us like this, and that's the time she throws me whetstone that leaves me a scar in my face. Then the next week, she gives me away to my Father's Aunt. Living in my Father's aunt/Grandmother gives me the needs I want. From clothes to food and everything. I was living graciously because Grandmother is well off. Somehow, I feel sad living a life with all the things I want while my other siblings are with my Mother. I tried to convince my Grandmother to have my siblings with me but she is not in favor. I am her favorite. Many years later, Mother got pregnant with someone. I was devastated because she still has the nerve to have a child when in fact she couldn't take care of us and not being a good Mother. While my siblings went to a rebellion by going further to doing bad things. None of my siblings graduated from High School because she did not want them to succeed. While she keeps working and meets other guys. Then after 7 years, Father went out to prison and knows the mischief we had taken in the care of my Mother. Father then has a mistress who took care of him inside the prison. The one who supported my Father for his needs. I can't blame Father because ever since Mother is not his first love if it wasn't for me she would not marry Mother. But he tried to be a good Father to us by giving us food on our table. Send us to a good school. Buy us clothes. Father did his responsibilities while Mother always wants money. When I got back here in 2013, Father was living with Mother and my siblings. They are back together because Father wants to start a new life with us. Even if he heard nasty remarks about my Mother. But Mother is an inborn nagger. She nags every time Father can't give her money. One time Father can't take it anymore, she leaves us. I was there and I wanted to cry. But I understand Father, he needs to be free. And with his eyes, he told me. I'm done here and did my part, still not valuable to my Mother. That's how it started the hate I feel for my Mother, and all the bad things she has done for our Family comes back to me. Mood :
19 people like this
21 responses
• United States
11 Jul
Sometimes a person is not fit to be a parent. Most of the time you hear "That man isn't fit to be a father", but rarely do you hear "That woman isn't fit to be a mother." I am so sorry that you had to endure all of that. I think your father did all he could by her and he should be happy moving on and living his life. It seems to me as if all of his children are grown up now and can take care of themselves. There's no reason he can't try to be a part of your life and the lives of his other children though. I hope you don't hold any resentment towards your mother. That resentment only destroys you and not her.
7 people like this
• United States
11 Jul
@JustBhem No, that's definitely not a motherly attitude. It also sounds as if she might have mental problems that have been left undiagnosed. Constantly going out drinking and partying could be a coping mechanism. My father was a bad man. He wasn't a good father and I was often scared of him growing up.
3 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
@ScribbledAdNauseum I think so, coping up for the misfortune we have. A lot of people say she needs counseling. But she does not like it because she is not crazy, very hard. But my Father is not. Though he is not perfect.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Jul
@JustBhem I have a lot of people in my family that I suspect were not diagnosed with mental problems. Some of which I've never met but just hearing stories about them, I think that must have been the case. It's so hard to admit you need counseling. I hated going to counseling when I had to do so, but it ultimately helped me out a lot.
2 people like this
@sharon6345 (141574)
• United States
11 Jul
The future is in your hands. If you want to you can move heaven and earth to get on with your life. Your mother is in charge of her life. What she does or does not do is her choice.. Just because she has a child does not make her a good mother. Her choices are hers to live with. I can't imagine you going on as an adult with her around. But she rules her life and no one can rule your life. The best you can do is decide what you want and begin to work on it. Toxic and poison is what this sounds like.
5 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
Yes, toxic and poison and stress - all in one. You are right it's my own decision to make to move forward. But it's not easy when it comes to my welfare. I need to endure more pains and hurtings. And I still pray for good health for me and for my siblings.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (141574)
• United States
11 Jul
@JustBhem How old are your siblings?
2 people like this
• New Delhi, India
11 Jul
I'm so sad to hear your story. But just try to shake it off and let them not affect your future
2 people like this
@rakski (23334)
• Philippines
11 Jul
wow. what can I say? I am speechless. I am sorry about your family and how it turned out like that. Not all family is perfect and happy. There will always be imperfections but we always try to make up to it. I can understand your father for feeling that way. Your mom on the other side, should do the responsibility of a mother. Maybe, just maybe she is not the mother material type, then she should not have quite a number of children. The children are the one suffering with the choices of the parents.
5 people like this
@rakski (23334)
• Philippines
11 Jul
@JustBhem that is not the sole reason for sure. Maybe she just not want to tied in a situation. But she should have done something and did not produce a lot of children if she likes that kind of life. Or maybe she never want to grow up just like PeterPan
2 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
@rakski She is also immature and does not act like a Mother. I think so, that is why I wonder why she has a lot of children is she does not want to be a Mother.
2 people like this
@dodoazo (21584)
• Philippines
11 Jul
Sorry to know that. Leave everything to experience. Start with your own. God bless.
4 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
Sa life as what they call it.
2 people like this
@dodoazo (21584)
• Philippines
11 Jul
@JustBhem That's life. Way of life isn't always a bed of roses. Challenges, trials in sny form make life worth living if you could endure them
2 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
@dodoazo I think I am still on the process enduring those painful memories. And I think I can keep up with life. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@cttolledo (5051)
• Philippines
11 Jul
Your story amazes me bhem ! you are such a kind of person who been through a lot in life. Maybe being favorite of your grandmother could be your gateway to materialize all of your dreams - for your own self and later on for your siblings. Maybe you have a special mission in life, that is to be the "glue" in the family, to keep your family intact though it seems a hard thing to do. I understand now where you coming from, why you hate your mother, and why sibling's misunderstanding is very often in your family. I hope, someday things will be different and be okay. Best of luck Bhem!
3 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
I needed to share this so that members here won't misunderstand me why I hate my Mother. They say I've been living hell, but I know I am not, there is also heaven. Yes, I still want my Family to be intact and as much as possible I try to communicate with them.
1 person likes this
@cttolledo (5051)
• Philippines
12 Jul
@JustBhem You are still lucky because there are good people still in your life that helps you somehow, like your boyfriend and grandmother. Just keep your faith that there will be a colorful rainbow after that storm in your life.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
12 Jul
@cttolledo And there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Somehow I am lucky. I will focus on the people who do me good, cares for me and love me.
1 person likes this
@neelia_lyn (2017)
• Philippines
11 Jul
I'm also a product of a broken family. My parents were together on and off for ten years and we only experienced to live together as a whole family in the same house for only about 2 years of those ten years. We were, like, really broken because I and my other siblings lived in different relatives' houses and we were just 4-10 years old when they separated for real. So we grew up not having a place we can really call home sweet home. Broken pieces were only picked and restored when each of us found the love of our lives. We are all determined not to let the past be done to our own children. We might still have ill feelings toward our parents but we try to understand what was done, forgive them, and move on from the past. Those we have to go through during our childhood until now that we're grown-ups are what made us strong and able to face life's circumstances. I hope you will find in your heart to forgive your mother. Sometimes we wish we were born to different parents, sometimes we blame our parents for the bad things that happened and hard times we are experiencing, but God only knows what's the real purpose of us being here in this cruel world. May we find that purpose and fulfill it with God's help.
3 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
I know I'm wrong in some ways, I am just a human, a daughter who seek justice for what she has done in the past. All we want for her is to change the way she feels for us and she needs to accept us that we are her own blood. What happened is she hates us first. She is a jealous woman. She lied all the time. A Mother should not cuss her own children. I tried to forgive her, God knows I did. But she keeps doing the same thing.
3 people like this
• Philippines
11 Jul
@JustBhem I understand. Up to now I still long for a mother's tender loving care to us as her children. When our parents separated and let us live with any relative who would want to care for us, I felt as if we are nothing and people are forced to care for us because they have to. I felt as if we have to do something to earn their love for us. That's one thing I'm battling still and have to overcome it So sad, right? They say that's the norm these days, that broken families are common nowadays. But they don't know how hard and how long children suffer - emotionally and mentally. All these things are meant to break or build us, I guess.
3 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
@neelia_lyn We have the same feeling, I am still longing for Motherly love but looks like it will never happen anymore. It feels like we are nothing to them because gave us, and that we are not important to them. It's sad. But we need to further move on. As for me, some things still pulling me.
1 person likes this
@sw8sincere (5188)
• Philippines
11 Jul
i'm sorry to know about your life story Bhem and i understand why you hated your mother that much. If i was on you shoe, I am sure I will hate her the same.
3 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
I know it's not right to hate your Mother, because no matter how bad or good they are, they are still our Mother. But she is something that I cannot understand. We tried to keep up with her but in the end, she hates us too. She hates us first.
2 people like this
@kepweng (19121)
• Waikoloa, Hawaii
11 Jul
yes my family is Broken Family we HATED each other
2 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
Even with your siblings?
2 people like this
@kepweng (19121)
• Waikoloa, Hawaii
11 Jul
@JustBhem yes beacuse of Envy/Jealousy
2 people like this
• Philippines
11 Jul
@kepweng were the same friend they don't like me because i didn't finished college
@Courtlynn (55260)
• United States
11 Jul
Sorry you've all been through that. I wish you and your boy a better future, and same for any kids you may have down the road.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
Sad to say, I can't have babies anymore. Dialysis patient can't be pregnant anymore. And thanks a lot.
2 people like this
@Courtlynn (55260)
• United States
11 Jul
@JustBhem sorry to hear that.. that's new info to me.. maybe you can adopt one day, when things are better for you. never know.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
12 Jul
@Courtlynn Well, I still don't know about that. I have nieces and nephews though.
1 person likes this
• French Southern Territories
11 Jul
Don't worry, be happy. All of us have our own baggage. Even Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex isn't spared and tabloids have been reporting of her family situation. Yet, she turns out to be a positive and charming lady. Hang in there, and roll with the punches.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
Thanks, and I know one day I will overcome this. I just need to let it out.
2 people like this
• French Southern Territories
11 Jul
@JustBhem Yes, it's good to let it out sometimes.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
@ihasaquestion And thanks to myLot I can be heard here.
2 people like this
@Shavkat (65887)
• Philippines
11 Jul
I am sorry to hear this kind of situation. For me, I am hoping that your mom will change and realize her mistakes. It is not too late to make things right.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
I am still praying for her.
1 person likes this
@Shavkat (65887)
• Philippines
12 Jul
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Jul
I think we've become part of that broken family club now. I wonder, why did you came back when you had a great life with your Grandmother. You should have stayed there until you were financially ready yourself..Now, you're stuck with this woman who just doesn't care except herself. Sadly, I've I had known this was going to happen to my family as well I should have choose to pursue work.
2 people like this
@simplfred (5881)
• Philippines
11 Jul
Your story keeps me reading until the end. I'm sorry to hear that. I know somehow those events makes you more stronger. All the best my friend.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
Yes, I think that makes me stronger to live life and live long. Thanks.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (181733)
• Switzerland
11 Jul
For what you wrote, what I can understand is that your mother is not someone made to have children. She is an immature woman who only loves to have fun. Children are only a chore for her. She probably loves no one, only herself.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
I think so. Maybe she was overwhelmed before in getting my Father because as for Father, she is not his first love. He only married my Mother because she was pregnant with me. Father also said that Mother was a rebellious teenager before and something happened to them in just a single night.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (181733)
• Switzerland
11 Jul
@JustBhem I fear that she was not ready to have children and she has been unhappy to be obliged to take care of a daughter. It is very sad.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
12 Jul
@LadyDuck I'm thinking about it. Based on my Aunt's story, she was the one who took care of me when I was a baby because Mother doesn't want to touch, afraid she might drop me, but my Aunt said it's an excuse not to take care of me. Maybe during those times, she is not yet ready for the responsibility of having a child or Family. Even until now, she will always tell us that she doesn't care about us anymore because we are already an adult when in fact she didn't take care of us because she was busy with herself.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (60493)
• Philippines
11 Jul
you are resilient hija, because you can still manage to live with her in the same house. it is not easy to live with somebody whom you thought should be with you always but she is not. my sister is a person with so much attitude, and i have learned to accept her flaws as well.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
In this situation, my Mother is the only thing that complicated our lives. And I, my siblings needs to hold on to each other and move forward.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (60493)
• Philippines
13 Jul
@JustBhem i appreciate you for being so resilient, hija.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
13 Jul
@ridingbet I need to, for myself and for my siblings.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Jul
no were not broke only when my dad passed away last jan 2017. maybe you can write to "Maalaala mo Kya" friend
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
Ahahaha. A friend told me about that.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Jul
@JustBhem YEAH YOU like? im not sure if they give money to senders
@responsiveme (16837)
• India
12 Jul
Sorry to hear this. But since you can't revisit the past to change it, maybe you can let go...It's very difficult,I know and look ahead. Take care
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
12 Jul
Thanks, I will try to move on and keep moving on.
1 person likes this
@NJChicaa (47361)
• United States
11 Jul
Nope. My parents have been married for over 45 years. Things haven't always been happy, but they have hung in there and have gotten through the rough patches.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (44080)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul
Lucky for you, your Family is still intact. I envy people having a Family that is together, even if they are adults they still love their children.
1 person likes this
@sabtraversa (13331)
• Italy
13 Jul
Your father was a wonderful person, you must have inherited the genes from him. It sounds like your mother could never be a mother to you, maybe a friend or a sister. I mean, my grandma was the one being a mother to me, then my mother took her responsibility, but I still have more of a friendship than a mother-daughter relationship. My parents separated when I was 7, though they came back together 7 years later. I'm somehow a product of a broken family, too.
@LeaPea2417 (22348)
• Toccoa, Georgia
11 Jul
No, luckily my parents always stayed together in marriage. Last month they celebrated their 57th wedding anniversary.