Art of being honest with friends
By vanny
@vandana7 (98804)
India
July 16, 2018 11:49pm CST
I do not trust anybody who is telling me what I know to be untrue. I know I am old and look old, but if somebody says, hey vanny you can pass of as 40, I mentally tell him and I wouldn't spare you 40 bucks.
That said, if a friend said you have aged suddenly ..it might hurt.
If a stranger tells me that, I don't give a damn. I mean, the stranger is not going to be in my life, right?
And I think friends need to tell the truth because they need to save friends from becoming laughing stock.
Now, how it is said matters. The past relationship with the friend definitely helps. The friend may have proved to be a well wisher in the past, so the remark even if uttered a bit carelessly gets discounted.
But if we were only to stick to friends of past, we would be limiting ourselves to making friends in future. Right? Life is about knowing more people, learning from their experiences, and just enjoying their company. At least that is the way I look at it.
TACT..sigh...it needs to be inculcated so that we can be careful ALWAYS. It is not as if..I was frank too bad she did not like it. She is welcome to leave my friendship. I am not smart and I do lose good friends because I might just have been a tad careless.
So if you had to tell a friend ..look this dress does not suit you, or this hairstyle does not suit you, or you are looking aged, do something about your hair or skin, how would you go about it?
Please advise. Thanks in advance.
3 people like this
3 responses
@LadyDuck (457965)
• Switzerland
17 Jul 18
First, you must know very well the person to whom you are talking. Some do not want to hear the truth, if you tell them the truth you lose them as friends. Saying "you have aged" is rude, asking "Are you stressed? Your face looks tired" is less rude... you can add "may be that it's the color of your dress, or how you combed your hair"... those are hints, not rude, a real friend should appreciate.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98804)
• India
17 Jul 18
@LadyDuck I was wearing a sleeveless nighty actually cap sleeves this morning. My maid remarked aren't you feeling cold, wear something on that. Here ladies don't wear sleeveless. I have a couple, having lived in Mumbai I don't find it objectionable. Especially since I am wearing it at home.
There is an attempt to drag down people here. My neighbor who may be around 35 wears sleeveless and mother in law has some stuff to talk. Now, this girl is a software engineer, and has grown up with a different generation. So she is naturally accustomed to wearing dresses and stuff like that from childhood. It would be actually a dilemma. She wears like older generation, she gets laughed in her generation, and isolated perhaps. She dresses like younger ones, and she gets isolated among older ones. I feel she should be left alone. Whatever she wants to wear depends upon her comfort level at that point of time. And in any event, we the older generation will die, and she would need to remain in company of younger ones. Do modern clothing look good on her? Yes. Sleeveless may not be looking good on me. LOL. What should have my reaction be?
1 person likes this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
17 Jul 18
I think people should probably just hold their tongues and say nothing. If the person clearly likes their new dress, then let them. If their hair looks terrible, they can't go to the hairdresser and ask them to stick it back on again, can they. But I might ask them 'Do you like how they cut your hair this time?' and then you'll soon find out if they know they made a big mistake.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98804)
• India
17 Jul 18
I have a friend. She was dating somebody. She came in a dress that did not suit her at all. She was looking kind of odd man out. I could hear other girls laughing. But this one was confident she was wearing the right attire for the date. I told her it is rather unusual dress ..I haven't seen such things being worn...she did not get the hint. I was left feeling sorry for her.
This morning my maid asked me to wear a jacket since my nighty is sleeveless. I did not like it one bit. I almost came to telling her mind your own business or your belly looks uglier than my arms or well, as uneducated person your tastes would be different from mine. Then I held back. I ignored her. She will try a couple of times more and may be shut up. I did ask dad was it too bad, he said no.
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
17 Jul 18
@vandana7 I remember driving an Indian colleague around in the UK when we passed a very large lady in tiny shorts and a vest top - all very tight. I looked at my colleague and just sighed. The danger of wearing saris is that they always fit - sort of - so people don't confront that their bellies are getting bigger.
1 person likes this
@Friendlypink (3805)
•
17 Jul 18
It is really depend on that person's attitude or way of thinking. I will be grateful if my friend will tell me that may hair cut doesn3suit me or the dress that I am wearing. Because it means that they care for me. But some people when.. you try to show care or speak the truth they get hurt even if our intention is good.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98804)
• India
17 Jul 18
@Friendlypink Yeah...that is the answer I was looking for...I wanted to know how you all say something unpleasant pleasantly. :)
@Friendlypink (3805)
•
17 Jul 18
@vandana7 that is why sometimes sugar coating is helpful. Instead of saying that white dress doesn't suit you, i would rather say I prefer the red one on you. You look stunning with it.
1 person likes this
