Do you think I have such a cold heart?
By chiyochan
@chiyosan (30184)
Philippines
July 25, 2018 1:51am CST
So the story is this. My father left us I was 12. Left with our family savings and ran off with another woman. My mom, and my two brothers and I got kicked out of apartments coz we can no longer pay them, we have walked about 10KM each day because we can't afford to pay a fare $.25 (roughly). Ate a pack of instant noodles 1 pack a day for all 4 of us, and went to school (Thank God for my mom's best friend she paid for our tuition fee). Mom tried to contact him to help us with finances, he never offered any help. Contacted his relatives and they said they don't or cannot interfere...?
I got a work and supported my younger brother, and long story short, we all graduated from school, got work and is living a bit more comfortably now (we are even able to spend on travels and such - God is good).
So SNS is common, my father's relatives found my account and is sending me messages about my father. I have read only a fraction of it because I really do not want to talk to him or about him or get close to his relatives as well. So they are basically saying in the facebook message that I got that the past is past. I should move on. he is afterall still our father. they are hoping we can talk to him because he is suffering from some disease (?) and wants us to forgive him and (maybe take care of him, so they can kick him out???)
So I stood my ground. I honestly do not care about him anymore. If it wasn't for my mother's perseverance he won't have kids alive today right? He basically left us for the dead (for a lack of better description of how worst our situation was before). He never cared, nor asked how we were doing back then... Now he is trying to connect, because he is old and needs someone to take care of him? I remember vaguely seeing in one of the messages that we should soften our hearts for our father... to which i felt a bit angry at the time because all the experiences we had to go through came to me in a flashback. What do they know about it? How dare they say it to me?
8 people like this
8 responses
@AKRao24 (27424)
• India
25 Jul 18
I feel very bad to know the difficulties you had in your childhood life! Thanks God it was your mother who was courageous and with her perseverance you people are doing very well today! Thanks to the Almighty!
I think I too would have same feeling right now you are having towards to your father for what he did in the past ruthlessly ! Wish you all the best! Stay blessed!
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
25 Jul 18
My mom is a strong woman. she did not give up. I still remember those days we walked and was trying to to go to some of her friends who also turned their backs on her. It was heartbreaking. I guess i am like this because i have seen how people can really be mean. I have been on the other side of the situation at one point so when it is people that needs help, I am softhearted and really think of it as an opportunity for me to help them, so that as I was helped by my mom's friend to finish my studies, they would also realize that other people will help them if not their relatives.
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
25 Jul 18
You have to take your own decision on this. You did well to take the responsibilities.
Take care
1 person likes this
@youless (112103)
• Guangzhou, China
25 Jul 18
The people who questioned you have not experienced the same like you. It is easier for them to judge you. I also haven't experienced to it but I can understand you because it is not something that can be forgiven easily. Actually it is not your fault even if you don't forgive your father. Try to imagine if he is rich and lives well, will he ever want you to come back? Perhaps he is having a hard time now and therefore he hopes for your support. That's it.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
25 Jul 18
Thank you youless for your response. Sometimes I think if i was so cold to him about this whole thing, but at the end of the day, my thoughts always goes back to the long gone experience -- but it is the experience that brought us here to this day. so it can;t be forgotten how we survived it all. I guess you are right if the situation is reversed... will he even think about us?
1 person likes this
@youless (112103)
• Guangzhou, China
25 Jul 18
@chiyosan He made a huge mistake and right now he might just wanted more helps. I doubt he felt sorry for his past behaviors. It is too wrong to abandon family, especially at that time you were so little. You were much more helpless at that time than him today. As to you, it is not forgive, it is just forget. You may forget it but it doesn't mean you will forgive him.
@sol_cee (38223)
• Philippines
26 Jul 18
I have issues with parents (mom or dad) leaving their family behind because of infidelity. How could they sleep fitfully at night? How could they go on with their lives without even looking back? I’d say karma is a biatch. The last laugh is yours. Who’s the winner now? But to answer your question is a matter of pondering over it more deeply. Do you feel even the slightest of remorse or a tinge of guilt for him? If yes, then you aren’t as cold hearted as they claim you to be. And no, they can’t blame you for being that way. You are who you are because of everything that has happened to you.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
25 Jul 18
I feel you. I am still hating my Mother for abandoning me and for having a kid from another guy.
That is why maybe I am this stressful because no matter how I tried to just let go of the past, seeing or thinking what she's done and she never says sorry to us for what she's done instead, flying high with her pride until these days.
In your case, I don't know what to say actually because I feel your pain and your anger.
Maybe you can consider, or it's still up to you.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
27 Jul 18
That is the same with me actually. my father did not seem sorry for what he did to us before... or maybe when i last saw him many years ago, he is just afraid to show it. But I am just not thinking about reconciliation anymore. I have learned a lot from what happened and just like you... it is our lives that was changed, facing problems at young age when they, our parents should have protected us.
I hope you too will be able to come to terms with how you feel towards your mother someday. For me, maybe I have already decided to just remain as I am now.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
27 Jul 18
@chiyosan
I live with my parents since I got sick. We don't go well because of her bad attitude. I know she does not like me around because the attention of my Father and my Brothers are at me. She even wishes me to die. Even until now, whenever my siblings buy me food, she get's mad and started to pick on my Brother, if the boyfriend will buy me food, she will not talk to the boyfriend even if the boyfriend is very polite for her.
We even have the same sickness now. Crazy because I thought she is jealous of my sickness that is why she also have sickness, and Doctors found out that I got it from her. The thing is I got it first.
Now, she wants all the attention she could have for people who care for me.
Father also realized that he married the wrong woman.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
25 Jul 18
My mom is always so firm about her decision. she does not want to see him anymore. she said it is up to us but we should not drag her into it because she does not want to be involved with his family anymore. To this time, I am this way, and i make decisions in my life because of the fear for my future because of wht he did to us. my trauma is always with me that is sometimes just hidden away. Thank you very much your response.
@1hopefulman (45123)
• Canada
27 Jul 18
I like the Scripture in your profile and it is good to always remember that. I was touched by your story and how you all survived in spite of what he did and his lack of love and compassion and the poor and heartless excuses of his family. That is so sad! 
As far as I'm concerned you are heroes! 
Keep up the good work!
As far as I'm concerned you are heroes! Keep up the good work! 
@Shellyann36 (11385)
• United States
28 Jul 18
I am sorry this happened to you. Thankfully, your mom was a strong woman. I would not have the slightest inkling that I would want to speak to my father or his family after that.
