Decluttering Project, Day 3 Part 1, Emotionally Hard Decisions

Jason's Hat
@bagarad (12761)
Paso Robles, California
September 15, 2018 6:48pm CST
One of the hardest parts of decluttering is getting rid of things you saved for emotional reasons, like I saved this hat for 27 years. It was Jason's Webelos hat when he first joined Cub Scouts. When Jason died in 1991, it took a while before I could handle removing the things in his room. We gave away his bed to a needy family within a few weeks, and we gave away most of the clothing to people who needed it. We gave his almost new bike to a close friend of his. Jason had crossed the bridge to become a Boy Scout by 1991 and died a few months afterward. He was buried in his uniform. But it had a different hat. I was left with this one, and it brought back many mother/son scouting memories. When we moved here in 1993, I packed the items that brought back the most memories in a single box and the hat was in it. Over the years I've managed to cull what's in the box . Some items are still there, but I decided today I need to let go of this. Keeping it won't bring Jason back. I checked out the Boy Scout store to see if this hat is still part of any uniform, but they've updated it. So I can't even spare a poor child the expense with a gift. I don't think anyone would be able to use it. So I'm afraid I'll have to toss it in the bin for the trash collector on Monday. I took a photo to preserve the memory without the item. Are there any items with sentimental value that belonged to someone you love you would have a hard time letting go of? Have you ever had to clean up the possessions of a loved one who has died? What was the hardest part of it for you?
15 people like this
15 responses
@TheHorse (72513)
• Walnut Creek, California
16 Sep
How did he die so young? That's a tough one. I'd want to donate it to someone who needs a cool vintage hat.
2 people like this
@just4him (127251)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
16 Sep
@bagarad I'm so sorry for your loss.
2 people like this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
16 Sep
@just4him Thank you. My loss is Heaven's gain, and also my son's. I know my Heavenly Father delights in him even more than I did.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (72513)
• Walnut Creek, California
16 Sep
@bagarad Very sad. I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (10355)
• Marion, Ohio
16 Sep
I never knew you lost a son. So sorry. I still have a few of my oldest sons things also that I just cant let go of yet. Maybe never will.
2 people like this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
16 Sep
What helps a bit is realizing that it's the person you are really attached to, not the thing you associate with the person. Keeping the thing doesn't give you the person back.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (10355)
• Marion, Ohio
16 Sep
@bagarad I know that consciously but subconsciously am not ready with his stuff. It is not a lot. I did donate his clothes and bed. His shot glass collection the other 3 kids divided. My son has other things from his brother that he took home also.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
16 Sep
@wolfgirl569 I know it's hard. That's why I still have this hat after 27 years. You will know when the time is right. It sounds like you also lost a son. I wasn't aware of that. How did it happen and how long ago?
@franxav (5657)
15 Sep
I too find letting go so difficult. There is a heap of clutter in my room
2 people like this
@Hannihar (42258)
15 Oct
@bagarad I am very sorry how hard it is for you. I moved from an apartment that I lived in for about 17 years to a smaller one. I had to throw before moving and while moving and still now. it is very hard to part with things that mean so much. I helped one person for a little bit and I have been helping my friend and we have done amazing things with what we have done so far.and I need more clients but not easy to find them.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
19 Oct
I can tell you know what I mean. So far I've not helped anyone else with this kind of project.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (42258)
19 Oct
@bagarad I helped someone and I believe it might have been overwhelming for her so she does not want to do it again, but, am helping a friend of mine,
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
20 Oct
@Hannihar Someone who just wants to declutter is easier to help than someone who really doesn't want to.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Sep
I am so sorry. I know how this feels. It took me awhile before I was able to start getting rid of some of my mother's and brother's things. I also hate that you can't get donate it in hopes of helping reduce the costs of a uniform for another boy scout. Would they boy scouts oranization accept it at all? Or maybe there is a collector who might want it?
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
16 Sep
I thought of a collector, but I really don't know how to find one. And it's a project I don't want to take on.
• United States
16 Sep
@bagarad I understand. It's a shame that the boy scouts have since changed their uniforms.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
16 Sep
@ScribbledAdNauseum The Boy Scouts have undergone a lot of changes since 1991, including now letting girls be members. I wonder how long it will be before the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts merge and just become The Young Scouts of America or something. They seem to have bought into today's political correctness in the direction of gender neutrality.
1 person likes this
@ShifaLk (8477)
• India
17 Sep
Oh. That's a beautiful memory. No, I never lost anyone in my family. I lost a cousin (brother) but I have his pics only
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@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
21 Sep
I hope you don't lose anyone you love for a long time.
1 person likes this
@ShifaLk (8477)
• India
23 Sep
@bagarad yes really that's a very tough part of the life but also necessary... everyone who has come,, has to go:(
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@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
25 Sep
@ShifaLk But it still hurts when we lose them.
@CarolDM (2893)
• United States
16 Sep
You know it is for me Barb. I have held on to most everything of Dustin's and other family members.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
21 Sep
I tend to want to keep the things that meant the most to Jason.
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (2893)
• United States
21 Sep
@bagarad That is what we do as mothers.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
25 Sep
@CarolDM Exactly.
1 person likes this
@aureliah (18861)
• Kenya
16 Sep
I declutter my mom's house often and every time I find something to throw away
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
21 Sep
Do you throw her things away with her knowledge and consent or is she no longer there to object?
1 person likes this
@aureliah (18861)
• Kenya
23 Sep
@bagarad yes of course. I would never throw them away without her consent unless that thing is mine but in her house
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@Courage7 (16553)
• United States
16 Sep
I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your son Jason. Loss is unbearable. I know. I am swallowed with grief at this time. That is a very cute hat and I love the pins on it. You are doing good my friend. Take good care of yourself.
1 person likes this
@Courage7 (16553)
• United States
16 Sep
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@Deepizzaguy (15054)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
16 Sep
There was a vest that belonged to my late dad who served with the U S Military in Guadacanal in 1942 which now is the possession of my sister who lives in Pine Louisiana which is the North Shore of the New Orleans region.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
16 Sep
That probably had some historic value, especially to your family.
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@Deepizzaguy (15054)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
18 Sep
@bagarad It does since it is a rare item.
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@jstory07 (70037)
• Roseburg, Oregon
21 Sep
It is hard parting with things that belonged to your son. Take your time and taking a picture is a good way to keep the memory.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
28 Sep
I've been sorting photos today while I watched the confirmation hearings. I threw out many duplicates and photos that just weren't good ones. It gave me some decluttering to do while I watched the hearings.
@JudyEv (134905)
• Bunbury, Australia
17 Sep
I was so sorry to learn you had lost a son. Sometimes it's okay to keep a few mementoes. Going through my mother's things was hard but she had had a full life so it wasn't nearly as bad as what you're facing.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (69510)
• India
16 Sep
Discarding memories is the most difficult thing to do but rather than clutter the place one needs to take those hard decisions.
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@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
21 Sep
That's right, so I'm trying to let go of more.
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@just4him (127251)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
16 Sep
We, my siblings and me, had to go through and clean out the house when we sold our parents home. They were in assisted living at the time. It was still hard to go through everything. I have some of the furniture and material Mom had for sewing. I have her sewing machine, but it doesn't work. I had to buy a new one. I'm glad you have the picture.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12761)
• Paso Robles, California
16 Sep
Couldn't you have had the sewing machine repaired? I pity whomever has to clean up after we die. I believe our things will have no value to him, since it will probably be my brother or one of his sons.
@iridion9 (10207)
• Philippines
16 Sep
Who is Jason? Your son?
1 person likes this