What Do I Do?
@CountryGirl31 (1257)
United States
September 22, 2018 10:32pm CST
On the eve of my 33rd birthday, I found out some interesting news. My daughter's biological mother and sister moved back to NY from Tenn a week ago. (For those that are confused, my "daughter" is actually my cousin but I have taken her in.)
I don't know exactly where KK's bio mom and sister are staying but they are in a town only 6-10 miles away from us.
And I don't know what to do or feel about this situation. They have had no contact with us in over a year and didn't even bother to call her on her birthday this past may. All they could do was send me a facebook message asking me to tell KK they said happy birthday and that they love her. KK has had both of them blocked on facebook for probably 18 months now due to the fact that they wanted to yell at her over the phone on her birthday for not calling them on mother's day.
So, they've been here a week and have not contacted any of us to see KK and I really don't think that they will but it's still unnerving. If they are living with the bio mom's ex husband, I won't have to worry about them coming around because he (my uncle) hates my guts and refuses to have anything to do with KK because he says that she is not his daughter.
KK is 17 so she can choose not to have anything to do with them but she's conflicted as well. While she misses them and would like to see them, she does not want to go off with them by herself should they ask her too.
So, Mylotters, what do I do? Could I be worrying about nothing?
I have talked to KK and told her that we are just going to continue our lives the way they are, without them. It's less drama. But should they reach out and want to see KK, I will have to be present.
3 people like this
4 responses
@cintol (11261)
• United States
23 Sep 18
I wouldn't leave them alone with her, I am sure she is old enough now to hold her own against them but would probably be more comfortable with you there.Sounds like they pretty much abandoned her with you so they have no reason to see her.
1 person likes this
@cintol (11261)
• United States
23 Sep 18
@CountryGirl31 I don't blame you, they sound like they don't care about her at all. To ask you to send her sister something when they send nothing is just plain selfish. I don't think I would even entertain them with letting them see her at all, she knows who loves her and it evidently isn't them. As hard as it would be, she should forget them and just move on with you.
1 person likes this
@CountryGirl31 (1257)
• United States
23 Sep 18
I have no plan to leave her alone with them at any point. If they want to see her, they will have to plan it with me and I will have to be present the whole time whether they like it or not. They are pretty much strangers to her now since it's been so long.
The reason they don't have any contact and havent in 18 months is because they didn't call KK on her bday which is May 13 but then mother's day was the next day. When KK asked them why, they yelled at her and said they don't always have to be the one to call her. She could call them.
Also, in the past 2, they never sent her xmas or bday presents but would contact me to find out if I would be sending her sister one. They didn't like my response that if they sent something for KK, then we would be glad to send something for her sister.
1 person likes this
@CountryGirl31 (1257)
• United States
23 Sep 18
@cintol I agree. With me, I don't care if I'm excluded or talked about. It's happened all my life and it's not about to change.
But with KK, I don't want anyone talking bad about her or making her feel a certain way because certain people don't make an effort to be in her life.
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@sallypup (57707)
• Centralia, Washington
23 Sep 18
@CountryGirl31 Just do what feels good to you and is best for you.
@CountryGirl31 (1257)
• United States
23 Sep 18
@sallypup I would but what would be best for me, might not be best for KK. As of right now, she does not want to see them but that may change when she's had more time to thing about it. We've only known they were here in NY for 12 hours and she's flip flopped a couple times.
I just don't want to see her hurt or feel like any of this is her fault.
1 person likes this
@CountryGirl31 (1257)
• United States
23 Sep 18
I hope so too. I know it sounds bad but me and KK would like them to go back to Tenn and stay there. Along with my uncle and his family since they refuse to have anything to do with KK as well.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116860)
• Anniston, Alabama
23 Sep 18
Stop worrying about something that has not happened. She is 17 and knows all the drama, she will stay with you.
1 person likes this
@CountryGirl31 (1257)
• United States
23 Sep 18
That's easier send than done. I'm not worried about her staying with me because I've been there since she was 6 months old and I'm the only constant in her life.
But....my fear is that they are going to try to put things in her head and make her choose one or the other. She shouldn't have to do that and I hope that it never happens.
1 person likes this
@BabeSays (8576)
• Mauritius
23 Sep 18
You don't need to worry. KK is 17 and she has known who really cares for her and who she should be giving priority is her life. But yes if they reach out and want to her KK then you have to be there.
And if this is bothering you. I think 1st you should know what KK wants. Does she missed them or wished to ses them or she doesn't care whether they are here and will continue living as she was?
@CountryGirl31 (1257)
• United States
23 Sep 18
It depends on the time when I ask her about it. When we first found out, she said that she didn't want to see them but then later on when talking about it, she was thinking about unblocking them on facebook and sending them friend requests to see if they would accept them.
But I just talked to her about it again and she said she doesnt care. She won't care if they don't reach out because if they cared, they would've reached out before. Especially since they've been here for a whole week already. And our landline #, has not changed since 2000 so it's not like they don't have that number and they could still contact me on Facebook but haven't.
My heart hurts for her and yes while she did not come from my body, she is my child. I don't want to see her hurt.
I know all too well what it feels like to have a parent not have anything to do with you. My own mother can only come to visit for a few hours every 2 weeks because her husband hates me for a variety of reasons. (she cheated on my stepdad with this guy and I refused to cover for her. told her to leave if she wasn't happy but wouldn't let her take KK with her. refused to go half on a car with her but never drive it. things like that)
@BabeSays (8576)
• Mauritius
23 Sep 18
@CountryGirl31 Well I'm sure KK has made her mind up and won't forget or ignore all the sacrifies you made for her. All the time you gave her and everything you did for her.
1 person likes this
