wanna live in my town?

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Of course you do! It's the best town ever. Do you crave solitude? We can offer you isolation. Ten thousand souls smushed together, surrounded by nowt but fields of flatness. There are four {emergency} exit points, each one leading to a larger town many miles away. Are you keen on challenges? If you lack driving skills, your mind can be kept busy with Bus Timetable. He is a cheeky fellow, very difficult to read and understand, and just when you get used to him, he goes and changes. But those who drive are not left out of the fun! Due to the natural state of the surrounding countryside {we're below sea level here} the roads fare worse than others. You may find one exit from town closed off for anything from a night to a month for roadworks. Your challenge, Driver, is to find a detour which is fewer than thirty miles. If your guilty pleasure is getting your hair chopped off, then we are the town for you. For the discerning gentleman we now have no fewer than four barbershops, two of which are fashionably Turkish. Who knew that Flat Men were so very contemporary? For the ladies, we have a selection of six hairdressing salons to choose from. There is no excuse for you not to be nicely coiffed. Fancy a coffee? Grab one at one of our many cafés, from the Welly Boot Tea shop at one end of town, to The Cobbler at the other end, taking in all five others an route. If your tipple of choice contains alcohol, you may find that the three local pubs are more your thing. But be careful. They are very much local pubs for local people! Like nothing more than munching on a take-away at the end of a long working day? You're in luck, you lucky thing! Our two restaurants and six take-aways can offer you a selection of Indian, Chinese, Fish & Chips, Kebabs, Pizza, Burgers, etc. You will be spoilt for choice. But, be forewarned. If you enjoy breaking up your days of coffee and hair-cutting with a spot of clothes shopping, we can only offer you charity shop clothing. If you need to buy a pint of milk, you have a choice of two convenience stores in town, where products tend to be double the price they are in our only supermarkets on the edge of town. Yes, you can buy shoes in our only shoe shop, but you will need a preference towards the tartier shoe. As an extra added bonus we throw in the joy of never knowing which smell you'll wake up to in the morning. Will it be onions? Or will it be manure? Who knows? Please, step inside one of our four Estate Agents and stake your claim on property in this area.