Stranded...grrrrrr

@vandana7 (98520)
India
November 17, 2018 5:39am CST
Anybody who has looked at my profile picture would know I am not the kinda woman who follows the shape your eyebrow, wear some make up, paint your lips system. I do not dye my hair either. On rare occasions I do wear some moisturizer and powder. But that is about it. So this bank case ..we have to use legal papers for printing the compliant, affidavit, and written arguments. They are loooong papers. I soon found out that the brief cases I have are filled up with important documents and files. So I needed something that could accommodate longer papers. I did not want to be buying a briefcase for merely three months, because that is how long I was told it would take. Dad had purchased an HCL Laptop some 10 odd years ago, and it is now a write off. But the case is not...so I utilized it. There is no water available at consumer forum, and I drink quite a lot. So I have to carry water bottle. And cell phone, and a purse, and my eye glasses and a book to prevent me getting bored. Lucky that the laptop case could be stuffed with all that so I could avoid using handbag. Today we went to the Forum again - went yesterday as well - this time my father accompanied me. Oh boy did I get yelling for not being feminine enough... Handbag is mandatory for women and girls...really? So to trouble me, he made me get down at one corner for obtaining xerox of the order, and drove the car away ..not before asking me to leave the Laptop bag. And Vanny ended up shuttling between the xerox shop possible parking places near the bank, sitting at the bank drinking some water there, then again moving out checking office upstairs, and finally taking a call to hire an auto to reach home. Mind you I did not have my keys either. Evil grin. Just to tell you how men are...dad was to join me at the Bank but he decided to take some petrol, and from there he went shopping, and then returned to the bank god knows when, but I had moved out. I returned to the building borrowed money for auto and a phone call, told him my whereabouts. Now my question to you all is not what I should have done or where I should have waited, whether I should have reused the bag, etc. But.... Is it ok not to carry a handbag and club everything in one piece so that we can always be aware of things?
12 people like this
9 responses
@Sreekala (34314)
• India
17 Nov 18
I am wondering why you said about makes up (not shaping eyebrow, no lipstick, no hair dye) in the beginning Never ever believe on men, whether it is father, hubby or son, will help you in you need.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
Not only did he yell at me from consumer court to the bank with a detour in between, but also after he returned home...smh. No women carry things like that...he kept saying. I on the other hand feel fewer the pieces the better off we are. Oh and I was highlighting I do not carry that femininity tag very well. I do not look down on those who do it. Just that I am not in that group.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (69428)
• Germany
17 Nov 18
Do you really have to obey your father at your age when it comes to such irrelevant matters? What would happen if you didn't? He would yell. So what? You must have heard him yell often enough. When he's yelled enough, he will stop and you can do what you want to do. If your father saw how people carry their things in Germany (and other European countries) he'd get a heart attack on the spot. Every other person carries a rucksack! So do I. I often use a small handbag, too, for my wallet and other small things, but bigger things are carried in the rucksack (which is a German word, btw).
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
It is kind of habit. I do react at times. But usually I end up regretting. He looks so sad and cute after that...that I feel very guilty for hurting him. Now I could have had a showdown at the road, but then he would be worked up about it, and drive badly. So the quick thought was how far can he go, let him be...go for xeroxes. But he went for petrol, and shopping. LOL. No money, no cell phone, no keys to home. He even yelled at me in the lobby of our building for having one bag for everything. And then inside the house too. LOL. I am now realizing he is unique...
@MALUSE (69428)
• Germany
17 Nov 18
@vandana7 I am an outsider. Reading this I get the impression that your father is clever and can manipulate you well by looking sad or cute. If it is no problem for you, then everything is ok. If it is a problem for you, you should think of something.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (214294)
• Chile
17 Nov 18
I have reached an age where my needs come first. I go with flip-flops to the Bank in spring and summer (I did yesterday) and with no handbag. And since I discovered the Sketchers, those are my foot wear for the rest of the year. It is difficult to carry a feminine handbag AND mind the important papers we are carrying. Don´t mind anyone!
1 person likes this
@marguicha (214294)
• Chile
17 Nov 18
@vandana7 Not antiques. Different. Wearing flip-flops is more elegant than having the bra show. And I would end in a wheel chair if I used stilettos.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
@marguicha Some people are accustomed to wearing stilettos, so be it. Let them wear what they are comfortable with. Why must I adopt their lifestyle and dressing style. That is how i feel. Yes, flip flops are pretty much ok. Bra show ..I might not even notice. I remain so intent on my job that I do not notice others. My clothes are such that bra show cannot be there. LOl
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
Yeah boy...my kinda person. This is how it should be. Why should we be antiques. LOL.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23662)
17 Nov 18
Hmm.. its upto each person.. I carry my handbag because it contains all the things I need , my wallet, water, phone and maybe my kindle. I am wondering why you didn't call your dad while you were waiting.. Did you leave your phone behind?
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
My cell phone was also in that laptop bag. Dad scolded me and asked me to leave that behind. It is kind of embarrassing on the street.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
@sofssu No ..LOL. He is too generous with his. LOL. I fret and then laugh it off usually.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23662)
17 Nov 18
@vandana7 Hmm.. never leave your cell phone behind.. for safety's sake.. Hope you gave your dad a piece of your mind..
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23393)
• United Kingdom
17 Nov 18
A similar thing happened to us when we visited Mauritius with my wife's over bearing brother. He told us to get off at a certain bus stop but he didn't we lost him for hours and finally met up with him at home. He was hopping mad not at me but at my wife so I interjected and told him off and put him in his place. He gave an oscar winning performance looking sad then sulking like your father which we all ignored. This is his way sometimes you just have to hold your breath and go with the flow just for peace sake! He had amazing temper tantrums not directed at me but towards his wife or daughter or my wife........I used to call his bluff........which his wife daughter and my wife were horrified about. All this nonsense he is head of the household etc is from a bygone age. Yes respect but it is a two way street Vanny! You do what you are comfortable with. You are strong minded enough to stand up to bullying behaviour!
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
He scolded me for almost 3.5 kms, then after I returned, at the lobby, then once we were inside home, the topic came up again and this time, I did try stand up for me, saying let us ask a few people whether it is logical or not. He agreed. In the evening one of uncles called us, and again he repeated the record. This time I found it amusing because that uncle is very logical. Dad is 84. I find it hard to be firm with him. Come to think of it, I always found it difficult to be firm with him. Your wife's brother must be younger. In any event, he has family. In my case, if I hurt dad, he has only me. I feel he must feel lonely. Kinda...I do cut slack for his senility at this age. I am guilty too.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
19 Nov 18
@garymarsh6 I so much agree with this situation. It is extremely extremely difficult to talk to my father, has always been. My colleagues used to say we do not understand what your father is saying. His logic was out of the world. Putting him in place is something that hurts me too. I tend to adjust 90 percent of the time, and only 10 percent of time I stand up for me. I weigh, is it so material? And when it is not, I give way. Most of the time it is not. Even in this case, it is a minor irritant. I just have a soft corner for elderly and babies. I could put up with a lot with these categories, ignoring what they do or say. Dad is rude. And he justifies it. The more I try to point out, the more it remains in his mind and gets fortified sort of so that the next time he would be even more rude and harsh. I remember he told one of the relatives who had two girls, one of whom was beautiful and other not so much, that what is this you have done exactly like your mother in law give birth to one beautiful girl and one ugly one. Four women insulted! I was mortified. We all make faux pas in social life ...but this type. But his other family members are also somewhat insensitive like that, so I guess it works. Environment dictates behavior I suppose. Many of my colleagues and bosses were in the same mold, and some of family friends are like that too. Sometimes, when they are nasty, I too react in that fashion but not without being forced into defensive situation. My former neighbors don't have kids, but they are very nice with me. He frequently tells them, you are lucky you don't have kids. That must hurt! When I tell him, please don't say that, he says I am only trying to make them feel better. Managing folks like these is tough and art. But I have never come close to murdering him or even others. LOL. Their eyes are like small puppies. I melt. LOL. I cut slack thinking they are not as intelligent in these matters.
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23393)
• United Kingdom
18 Nov 18
@vandana7 No he would have been the same age as your dad. Sadly he passed away. I could tell you stories about his sulking that would have you in fits of laughter. Yes we should respect our elders of course but it is also a two way street. Older people sometimes can be quite a handful and say whatever they feel like they want to. Some are so rude they are funny and say things we would never say! When I visited him one time as he was being particularly difficult with his family. I reluctantly agreed to go to Mauritius for two weeks to put him in line. One day he was so bad I sent a message to my daughter telling her get mummy to phone because I am about to kill her brother if she does not! Oh lordy...........You know I have the patience of a saint usually but he drove me to the point of distraction. I felt so sorry for his poor family but at the same time had great respect for him.
1 person likes this
@sol_cee (38224)
• Philippines
17 Nov 18
Im the stuff-everything-in-the-pocket kind of girl. No handbags! But I need bigger pockets. Lol
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
YES!!!!! That is how I am. Too many things to monitor...case papers, handbag, water bottle. And when you want to pull some money out of handbag, you place the case papers on one side, and water bottle too. You might spill something, or forget something. I prefer just the bag and water bottle hanging on me. I agree, I look like a specimen. But if it is convenient, who cares.
@GardenGerty (157027)
• United States
17 Nov 18
With the amount of things you had to carry, my thought was that the laptop bag looked very polished and professional. Very efficient.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
Especially when it has so many compartments. Exactly professional.
• Pamplona, Spain
17 Nov 18
What I was wondering apart from that is have you got any further with the problem then. Take no notice and take things with you the way you want. I don´t shape my eyebrows or wear much make up either.
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
17 Nov 18
@vandana7 You have to be the way you want to be also good for you.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
20 Nov 18
@lovinangelsinstead21 Yesterday I again did not take my handbag. He grumbled for a while, and then realized it is not working. He left it at that. LOL.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
Dad always used to point out .. for some reason I like me the way I am. I tried, but I feel I look better without makeup than with it. I agree...some people are cut out for looking beautiful. If I wear it, I feel odd.
1 person likes this
@amadeo (111956)
• United States
17 Nov 18
If you get fire one from Amazon this will fit in your purse
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
17 Nov 18
I never thought of that one..
@amadeo (111956)
• United States
17 Nov 18
@vandana7 nice and small very convient.
1 person likes this